


A Study in Light - Part Three: When The Sun Goes Down

by pfyre



Series: A Study in Light [3]
Category: Miami Vice, Television - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Hurt Sonny Crockett, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Procedures, Protective Ricardo Tubbs, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-15
Updated: 2012-06-15
Packaged: 2017-11-07 20:22:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 78,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/435065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pfyre/pseuds/pfyre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just when things are looking better....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "I can feel it coming in the air tonight..."

**Author's Note:**

> "Miami Vice" and its characters lovingly created by Antony Yerkovich. Copyright Antony Yerkovich and Michael Mann Productions.
> 
> "A Study In Light" copyright Jane Hughes, 1993.
> 
> "When Tomorrow Comes" copyright Eurythmics, 1986.
> 
> "Long, Long Way To Go", "In The Air Tonight" copyright Philip Collins, 1982.
> 
> "Domino" copyright Anthony Banks, Michael Rutherford, Philip Collins, 1986.
> 
> Passages from "The Velveteen Rabbit", Margery Williams 1922.
> 
> Passages from "The Mirror Crack'd", copyright Agatha Christie 1962.
> 
>  
> 
> With a mountain of thanks to Pfyre for her time and her devotion - without her, this story would not have been possible.

"And you know that I'm going to be the one who'll be there

When you need someone to depend upon.

When tomorrow comes..."

\- "When Tomorrow Comes" by the Eurythmics

 

Monday

 

On a stormy evening, on Dade's south docks, a large back-up team, along with a SWAT team, waited patiently in the cold for the deal to go down. The gray skies threatened rain and a harsh wind battered the dock. The hour they had been waiting there had been a long one.

 

A little over a mile away, Sonny Crockett and Ricardo Tubbs waited, huddled comfortably in the warmth of Sonny's snow-white Ferrari. "So, we finish this up, in three hours, tops. Wanna go get somethin' to eat?" Sonny nodded, smiling.

 

"I think I owe you one anyway. How about I cook this time?" A warm feeling settled over Rico. He remembered that evening well, and had been waiting for a chance to maybe take things a bit further. The fact that Sonny had suggested it sent a tingle of excitement down his spine.

 

"It's a deal."

 

Sonny looked at his watch. "I guess we better go get this over with."

 

As his partner started the engine, Rico said, "Two months' work is about to come together, my friend." Dealer Kym Bodelle, had proved a tough nut to crack, but finally, through some minor miracle, they had him ready to make a deal.

 

From where Stan Sweitek was sitting, he had a near-perfect view of the two undercover detectives, as they met the dealer on the edge of the dock.

 

There were three of them, Bodelle and two body guards. People like that liked to have other people around them for protection. It made them feel safer. It seemed to Sonny that one of the henchmen, a slim guy with a pony-tail, looked nervous. He kept looking around, up to the tops of the buildings, down the alleyways.

 

But Bodelle made the usual polite greetings, and Crockett had other things to think about. They handed over the money, the bad guys handed over the dope. And then the nervous guy shouted something. They never knew what it was, or even if it was English. But it signaled chaos and tragedy. In the terrifyingly fast moments that followed, Rico saw Bodelle reach into his jacket and pull out a gun. He went for his own weapon, glancing across at Sonny to ensure he had seen it too. Even as his gaze settled on his partner he heard several shots in quick succession and Sonny was falling.

 

In a flash of horrible clarity, he knew what had happened. His partner had been shot. Bodelle had been close enough that the impact of the first bullet threw Sonny off balance. As Bodelle emptied his clip, Crockett was hit by more bullets so rapidly that instead of falling to the dock, he was thrown back, off the edge and into the water. In another moment, the SWAT team had done their job. The bad guys with guns were no longer a threat.

 

Without pause, Rico threw himself into the water below, doing a 360 degree turn before something brushed against him. His partner's motionless form surfaced beside him.

 

He wrapped one arm around the top of Sonny's torso and pulled him back against his own body. Keeping the unconscious man's head above water, he swam carefully back to the edge of the high dock and looked up. Stan and a couple of other guys were already there waiting. They reached out to help maneuver Crockett's still form onto the docks.

 

Soaking, heedless of the cold, Rico hauled himself onto the dock. The others moved back as he knelt by his partner. "Sonny..." Trying to keep his own breathing under control, Rico bent his ear to Sonny's mouth and listened, watching his partner's chest. Sonny drew in a shallow, fast breath. Then Rico pressed two fingers to the man's neck. There was a weak pulse. At least he was breathing on his own - barely.

 

Someone had found a first aid kit and handed Rico pads of sterile gauze to put pressure on the gaping wounds. There was just so much blood. Rico could feel Sonny's ragged breaths bubbling the blood through the pads. Gentle hands helped roll Sonny a bit so more pads could be placed against the wound on his back. Not that it helped much. In mere moments, Sonny was lying in a slowly growing pool of his own blood. There was nothing they could do. There was no time. Sonny was gonna die here.

 

He was going into deep shock, his body temperature dropping rapidly. Someone passed Rico a blanket. Without looking up, he took it, trying to remember the first aid he had been taught. With Stan's help, Rico managed to roll Sonny onto the blanket and into the recovery position. He wrapped the rest of the blanket over Sonny's body and ensured he was still breathing.

 

Rico could feel the cold storm winds through his own soaked clothing. His own temperature was dropping as shivers started rippling through him. He was seeing single details in absolute clarity, but the whole picture was just a blur.

 

He could feel panic building inside as tears fell unheeded down his face. He wanted to hug his partner. He wanted to hold him. Keep him warm. Make him okay. Make everything okay. But he knew any further movement could do more damage. Rico put a shaking hand to the cold man's face. "Hang in there, please, Sonny."

 

Looking up, he saw Stan staring at him, reflecting his own shocked horror back. During the millennium it took for the medical helicopter to arrive, Rico started to talk to Sonny. He found his partner's fingers under the blanket and gently took hold of them. "Sonny, you're gonna be okay. It's going to be all right. The medevac's on its way. It's going to be all right. You're going to be fine...."

 

~o~

 

Lieutenant Castillo picked up the phone and listened to Sweitek's distraught voice. Hanging up, he drove calmly to the hospital to await the arrival of the medevac.

 

When the helicopter landed at the hospital, Castillo was with the medical team that was waiting on the landing pad. Tubbs had been transported along with Crockett. This was partly because of concern over Rico's condition; he had been showing signs of mild hypothermia, and there was a possibility of traumatic shock. But the main reason Tubbs had traveled in the medevac was because he had been absolutely adamant about not leaving his partner's side.

 

With a heavy blanket wrapped around him, Tubbs stepped from the helicopter. His anxiety and fear were evident in his stricken features. Castillo read the grief in Rico's eyes, and at that moment he stopped believing Sonny was going to make it, and started praying that he would.

 

Castillo placed a steadying hand on Rico's shoulder as they hurried down the endless corridors attempting to keep up with the entourage of doctors and nurses that surrounded Sonny. His gurney was wheeled through the emergency room, directly into the crash room.

 

And then a wall of nurses came up between the officers and their stricken friend. They were stopped, asked to leave and promised that Sonny was in the best hands.

 

Rico did not move. He blinked, still not thinking clearly. He scanned the flurry of activity, desperately trying to locate his grievously wounded partner in the midst of the chaos. His heart jumped to his throat when he finally saw Sonny. His partner looked as if he was already dead - so pale, in stark contrast to the deep crimson red of the clothes already being cut away.

 

Somewhere from the endless void behind him, faint voices floated. Castillo speaking in hushed tones. And a second voice, responding, with words like hypothermia and shock. Rico blinked again when his view was blocked by one of the medics from the helicopter. He found that he could not resist as the man led him to a small treatment room only yards from the crash room.

 

"Detective Tubbs," the medic was trying to get his attention, "we need to get you out of those wet clothes." He was pushing the blanket off Rico's shoulders.

 

For the first time, Rico looked down at himself. He reacted in almost instantaneous, blind panic, frantically trying to get the blood-soaked clothing away from him. It was Sonny's blood that covered him. He had Sonny's blood on his hands! A wave of nausea swept through him. He managed to rip his shirt off through sheer luck, before the medic could gently capture his wrists and push him down on to the examination bed.

 

"Take it easy." He paused, making certain he had Rico's attention. He could feel the extreme coolness of Tubbs' skin, even at his wrists. He was worried that being soaked to the skin in both water and blood and waiting in the cold wind for the medevac, that Tubbs was going hypothermic. He was hardly shivering, and that was not a good sign. "Look, I've got a set of clean, dry scrubs that you can change into." Rico nodded, his mind clearing. Once the medic was sure Tubbs understood, he continued, "I want to check your temperature, and the rest of your vital signs, just to make sure you're okay."

 

Rico shook his head and grabbed the scrubs. "I'm okay. Just a little cold, that's all." He pulled the dry shirt on. "I'm not the one who was hurt." Rico finished changing. He used the sink to wash the now dried-blood off his hands. He started to shiver again. The medic handed him a fresh blanket to wrap around himself.

 

"Look, at the very least, I think you should rest a while." He realized that Tubbs was not going to listen, but he had to try. "Why don't you lie down in here? Just for half an hour. We can keep you posted on your partner's condition."

 

But Tubbs was out of the door and heading for the waiting room before the medic could stop him. Sighing, the medic followed Rico down the corridor and found Lieutenant Castillo.

 

Keeping an eye on Tubbs, who had wandered over to a window seat, the medic explained to Castillo the possibility of Rico going into mild shock. Although it did not seem like hypothermia was going to be a problem, he advised the Lieutenant to get Rico to have a hot drink, and to watch him. If Rico started showing any signs of distress, they should contact the desk immediately. The medic said he would leave word with the staff to be on the look out for delayed shock. Rico's determination left him with little else he could do.

 

~o~

 

Slowly, the undercover unit of Metro Dade Vice gathered in the waiting room of the trauma unit. Stan had stopped back at headquarters to let everyone know what had happened. Best they find out from him. He had brought Gina and Trudy to the hospital with him. The appearance of Mike DeLelo, police psychiatrist, surprised Stan. The man had become close to Sonny, despite the number of heated arguments they'd had. But how he had found out so fast was a mystery.

 

Castillo had managed to scare up a spare set of clothing for Rico. They did not fit, but they were warm, dry and clean. They would do for now. Later someone would stop by Rico's place and collect some clothes of his own.

 

~o~

 

Rico sat with his head resting against the window. Outside it was getting dark, and rain was starting to fall.

 

Castillo watched him from where he sat. Rico was staring blankly into the dark night. As he studied the man, Martin noticed the subtle trembling in his detective. He was going into shock. Quietly, the Lieutenant moved over to the couch and sat next to Rico, facing in the same direction, putting a kind hand on the man's arm. "Are you okay?" Rico could only shake his head.

 

"This is the worst part," Martin said gently. "It all happens so fast, so suddenly. You're never prepared for something like this to happen. You deal with it at the moment it all comes down, simply because you have to. You don't have a choice. But now you've stopped. There's nothing left for you to do but wait. Now, it'll hit you; when you're trying to accept it all."

 

"I should have reacted faster...."

 

"Don't blame yourself for this. And don't second guess it. You know it won't do any good."

 

He did not move. "It was all so fast.... We had so much backup.... How could this have happened?" "It happened Rico. Now, we have to deal with it."

 

"We were gonna go back to the boat.... Sonny was gonna cook for me. He said he owed me one.... What am I gonna do if he dies?"

 

Castillo wanted to say, 'He's not gonna die,' but he could not lie to Tubbs. From what he had witnessed, there was a very good chance that Crockett was going to die. Jesus, what was he gonna do? What were any of them going to do? He took a deep breath. He had to be strong for these people, because they were all going to look to him for strength. He wished he knew he had it.

 

~o~

 

The on-duty doctor that night was an Englishman, Dr. Bri Fielding. He was part of the small group that met the helicopter. He had been about to leave for the night when he had heard that a police officer had been shot multiple times and was being brought to the hospital needing emergency treatment. He had recognized the officer's name and immediately notified the surgeon on duty, put the ER on standby and gone out to meet the helicopter.

 

In the operating theatre, the surgeons found themselves facing a near-impossible task. Aside from the massive internal and external hemorrhaging, a collapsed lung and the damage caused by the five bullets that had actually hit him, Sonny had lost a dangerous amount of blood.

 

They had started immediate plasma and glucose IVs at the dockside. But with the gaping wounds, Sonny had bled out nearly as fast as the fluids went in. He was still alive, and an EEG indicated there was still brain activity, but there was very high possibility that there had been at least some brain damage.

 

And there was another complication. One of the bullets had somehow splintered against the spine. They had already removed the three others that had lodged inside him. The fourth had apparently cut its path straight through him and resulted in the horrendous exit wound in Sonny's back. It was a miracle that more of his major organs had not been damaged. It was a miracle the man was still alive. As desperate as the situation was, there was little more they could do for now. They had taken enough chances already. Chances that had needed to be taken. But to try to remove the splinters themselves was far too high a risk. After a very brief discussion, expert neurosurgeon Ben Waltham was called, but he was in Seattle. They faced an eight hour wait for him to arrive.

 

~o~

 

Seven hours after the nightmare had begun, Doctor Bri Fielding left the operating theatre exhausted, but still running on adrenaline. He sighed, now he had to face the assembled vice unit.

 

He took Rico and Castillo aside, and explained what was happening. He was an experienced doctor, who had been in this situation countless times before. But for some reason, this time, his professional calm kept slipping. He did not want to explain to these gentlemen how desperate the situation was, how Sonny actually did not have eight hours to wait for a plane to land. He could not keep the anxiety out of his voice.

 

He stopped talking. It was obvious the patient's partner had heard him, and understood what he was saying. He hesitated a moment, before continuing.

 

"He lost a great deal of blood. When this happens the brain doesn't always get enough oxygen. If that was case here, there's a high probability of brain damage. The EEG indicates that there is still brain activity, but there's no way to determine if there is any damage, or the extent of that damage, until he wakes. There was some intestinal damage, a bruised kidney and a great deal of internal disruption. We've repaired all that we can." Bri sighed. He hated this. Hated telling people how bad things really are.

 

"And there's something else. Because of the trauma to his spine, when the bullet splintered, we're concerned with possible spinal cord damage. To minimize the extent of the damage, we've administered an experimental inhibitor. Tests have proven that this drug can help prevent paralysis."

 

Rico felt his whole body go cold. "I could have made things worse. At the docks. I... I didn't realize...." Both Castillo and Fielding heard the shock in his voice, but Martin was the first to work out what he was saying; what he was starting to blame himself for.

 

"Rico, don't. Everything that you did for Sonny on the docks had to be done. You saved his life."

 

Bri realized what was happening. "Oh, God.... Don't think like that, please. There was nothing you could have or should have done differently. Believe me, if you hadn't acted as quickly or as competently as you did, Sonny wouldn't have the chance he's got."

 

Tubbs calmed slightly, but didn't even try to stave the emotion in his voice when he asked, "Can I see him?"

 

Castillo expected Bri to flatly refuse. He knew the procedure; visitors were _never_ allowed in to Recovery. But Bri sat back, thought for a moment, and nodded. "It's highly irregular, but under the circumstances, I think you should see him." Castillo's heart sank. If they were making this extreme exception, Crockett's chances of survival must be almost non-existent.

 

Fielding continued. "I must warn you, he looks bad, and he is. It's best that we disturb the area of his back, in which the splinters are located, as little as possible. A tube has been inserted to drain the excess fluids from the wound. It's not a pleasant sight. I know you're used to seeing terrible things detective, " he said off Rico's look, "but Sonny is someone you know and care for, this isn't some stranger. This time, you're going to feel nauseous. That's a promise."

 

~o~

 

In hospital gowns, masks and caps to match, the two men followed the doctor into the recovery room. It was a quiet hive of activity - other patients being brought in and taken out. Nurses going about their duties. It was all very clinical and professional, very clean and absolutely terrifying. At the end of the room, there was a transparent cocoon, hanging down from the ceiling and encompassing a large area of the floor. From the entrance to the room, Rico could make out a bed, a couple of carts supporting monitors, and a person lying in the middle of it all.

 

Rico could feel the tears starting again, itching under the mask as they rolled down his face.

 

After giving them a moment to prepare, Bri led them over to the quarantine tent and moved in through the plastic flaps. There was more than enough room for the three men inside. The monitors hummed and beeped, all maintaining their own slow rhythms. The sound of air being compressed and released cut through it all, catching Rico's attention.

 

Sonny was so weak, and his systems so overtaxed they had decided to put him on a partial support respirator. There was tube down his throat connected to the machine, helping him to breathe. Bri explained that the respirator would do most of the work for the weakened man, allowing his body time to try and recover from its many traumas.

 

Rico finally felt ready to let his gaze drift down to the patient on the bed. His partner was lying on his side, propped against a row of pillows, put there to stop him rolling onto his front. His arms were out in front of him, resting on the top pillow; needles connected to thin tubes had been pushed into his veins. At least one of them was keeping him transfused; replacing his lost blood.

 

There were wires tucked into the top of the hospital gown that had been draped over him, allowing the monitors to keep track of his heart rate and respiration. His blond hair was covered by a cap like those the man had been given to wear before coming in here. His feet and lower legs were covered by a folded sheet.

 

Rico could not stop his eyes from wandering around to his partner's back, and to the wider tube that ran from a tuck in his skin to a clear plastic bag. There was a slow flow of a red tinged, thick liquid in the tube. Rico felt a hot surge of bile in the back of his throat. He swallowed hard.

 

Bri's gentle accent betrayed his concern, "Are you okay?"

 

Rico nodded, "Yeah."

 

"He's still sedated. All we can do now is watch him, help him, and wait."

 

Even Castillo sounded choked when he asked, "What are his chances?"

 

"At this point? About 1 in 500."

 

"He looks so small...." Rico murmured as the doctor spoke to the nurse. He felt his boss's hand on his shoulder, comforting him silently. It did not work. Rico's mind was in turmoil; grief and guilt and panic and other emotions he did not even want to think about, all fighting for attention.

 

Sonny had always been more than just a partner. He was a brother, a friend, a confidant. And lately their relationship had been changing. Rico dare not even think about Sonny's chances of survival. A cold fist closed around his heart. 1 in 500 - surely that meant he was going to die?

 

Gently, he reached down and rubbed the back of Sonny's hand with his finger tips. He crouched down next to the bed, wanting - needing - to be closer to his partner during what deep down he believed were the last hours of this man's life.

 

Blissfully unconscious. Sonny looked peaceful; eyes closed, breathing controlled.... Rico was not a religious man, but as he crouched there, still touching the cold hand, he whispered a short prayer. And with his voice lowered to a breath, he told Sonny that he loved him.

 

The hand he reached out to Sonny's face was shaking, no longer with cold, but with fear. He rubbed his thumb across the top of his partner's forehead, just below the base of the cap. "You're doing great, Sonny, just hang in there for us. You're gonna be okay." No longer caring what his Lieutenant thought, he leaned across and kissed Sonny's forehead.

 

Behind him, Castillo had turned away, allowing him a private moment.

 

~o~

 

2:30 am

 

In the waiting room, Stan leaned against the wall, lost in his own memories of Sonny and of Lare - Larry Ray Zito. He missed his old partner terribly. For ages he had blamed Sonny for the his friend's death, but Sonny still stayed, through the grief and the tears and the sleepless nights. The other detective was there for him, offering him solitude on the boat and company when he needed it.

 

Footsteps in the corridor caused him to look up. A very solemn Izzy Marino was walking towards them hesitantly. There was none of his bizarre character, no humour or mischief in his expression. He had heard the news. He knew, as Izzy always knew, that a Metro Dade vice officer had been shot, most likely killed, in a shoot out on the docks earlier that evening.

 

Stan pushed himself away from the wall and met Izzy at the entrance to the waiting area. Izzy's pace did not give away the desperation that Stan saw in his eyes.

 

"Is he...?"

 

Stan took him by the shoulder and lead him back into the corridor. He kept his voice low. Gina had cried herself to sleep and Trudy was sitting with her partner in her arms. He did not want to upset either of them by talking about the situation.

 

Once they were at a comfortable distance, he leaned against the wall. "He's alive. But they say his chances aren't good."

 

"Where's Rico?"

 

"He and Castillo went in to see him about an hour ago. They're still in there. They're waiting for a neurosurgeon to fly in from somewhere or other. He's expected at 8:30. They're keeping Sonny in recovery until he can be taken back into theatre."

 

"Are you okay?"

 

Stan looked away for a moment, the question bringing tears to his eyes. "Not really. I was there when it happened."

 

"I'm so sorry...."

 

Stan stared at Izzy in disbelief. "Why are you here?"

 

"I have my reasons for being concerned. I've known Sonny for a long time."

 

There was something else, something Izzy was not going to talk about.

 

A voice disturbed them. "Stan...." Castillo, still dressed in the medical gown, was walking towards them. He joined them, grateful that they were already out of earshot of the two women detectives. The dark man glanced at Izzy, then directed his full attention to his detective as the big man asked, "How is he?"

 

"If you want to see him, you can. Rico's still in with him."

 

"Lieutenant...."

 

"They don't think he'll make it through the night."

 

Stan left to get gowned up. Castillo was left standing with Izzy in the corridor.

 

"Do you have anything?"

 

"Travellyan and Bodelle met at one of Cintaro's parties. Rumour has it that they... liked each other. Travellyan was last seen several days ago, hanging around Bodelle's place in Tampa Bay."

 

"Do you think he had something to do with this?"

 

"I do not think. I provide the skinny. You do the detective work."

 

There was a comfortable silence between them for a while, as Castillo took in this latest piece of information and Izzy paced. Finally he stopped and said gently, "How's Tubbs?"

 

"Heartbroken."

 

~o~

 

The hours passed. They passed with agonizing slowness. Stan could not bear to see Sonny. Rico did not want to be anywhere else. Gina and Trudy spent some emotional minutes with him; trying to accept that they may be saying their good-byes. At 4:30 am Bri checked on his patient as he had done every 15 minutes since Sonny had come out of surgery. If Sonny started to slip away, it had been agreed that they would let him go quietly. In his current condition, his body would not be able to cope with the stresses of heroic resuscitation measures.

 

After performing the necessary checks, Bri pulled a chair next to Rico and sat down still facing Sonny. "He's hanging on." There was a distinct note of awe in his voice.

 

Rico gave him a tired smile. "He's a stubborn bastard when he wants to be." He looked down again to where he held Sonny's fingers carefully avoiding the transfusion line that ran into a vein in the back of his hand. The he returned his gaze to Fielding. "You're English."

 

"Yes. Came over from university. It was just too quiet over in Britain." He smiled to himself, momentarily lost in memory. When he came back to the present, he continued, "Actually, I miss it a great deal."

 

"Why did you leave?"

 

"Someone I cared about died. I found I couldn't live without him." He stood up. "When you love someone that deeply, it's very hard to let them go. Believe me, I know what you're going through."

 

Rico thought the doctor was going to leave, but instead he moved round to the other side of the bed and bent to inspect the area on Sonny's back where the tube for the drain protruded from. After a moment he motioned for one of the nurses to come in to the tent, he pointed something out to her. She left, but returned shortly with a long-needled syringe and some swabs.

 

As far as Rico could make out, Bri used the swabs to clear something from around the tube's entrance to Sonny's body, and then the needle was sunk into the top of his spine.

 

Sonny obviously did not feel a thing, but Rico winced for him. "Is he okay?"

 

Bri nodded. "As okay as could be expected. More okay then he has any real right to be in his condition." He smiled, meeting Rico's concerned eyes with a kind look. "He's hanging on. You're doing the best thing for him. Keep talking to him. There's a good chance he can hear you."

 

~o~

 

8:15 am

 

"Waltham's plane just landed. Get Crockett into the operating theatre and open him up." Bri nodded at Castillo where he stood just inside the tent. In turn, Martin laid a gentle hand on Rico's shoulder, "We have to go. The surgeon's plane has landed. He's on his way."

 

A mixture of relief and sudden anxiety swept through Rico with nauseating speed. It was comforting sitting with Sonny, watching over him. As if being there, he could stop his partner slipping away from them. To have to leave him alone, to have him go back under the surgeon's knife in a place where he could not be there with him, terrified him.

 

Reluctantly, he stood, giving Sonny's fingers a final squeeze before releasing his hand. "I'll see you later, Sonny. You keep fighting for us."

 

Bri watched the two men walk quietly away, back to the waiting room. More long hours stretched ahead of them. At least now, they could do something productive to help this man.

 

~o~

 

After leaving the recovery room, as they prepped Sonny for surgery for the second time, Rico had gone for a walk. In the hospital parking lot, he saw Sonny's Ferrari. Someone must have rescued it from the docks. Sonny would never have forgiven them if they had left it there to be stolen. He cherished that car. Frowning, he wondered. Rico dug his hand into his trouser pocket and fetched out a small key-ring. One of the keys unlocked and started the car in front of him.

 

There was something very therapeutic about driving a very powerful car to its limits. Tears streamed down his face as he wheeled her out of the hospital drive and onto the road. He headed south, letting his tears dry on his cheeks as he hit the freeway down into the glades. The car purred around him. Memories flooded back through his mind; times they had been in this car together, like a lifetime made up of journeys. There had never been anyone like Sonny in his life before, and he knew there would never be again.

 

So many regrets pounded at him. Why didn't he do anything after the kiss they had shared that night? Why had he left it so long to make his feelings known? Only to have them revealed under such horrific circumstances.

 

His vision started to blur as he considered the distinct possibility that Sonny could die; more than a possibility. There was little chance that he would survive.

 

He remembered, as he drove, times they had worked together. Going under to find the leak in the Justice Department. That one had meant convincing lots of people that he had 'gone over to the other side'. As he had shouted at Sonny in the interview room, he had sworn that he could see the hurt in his partner's eyes - it had made it so much harder to do - but they were good together. They had pulled off the act--for a while.

 

A memory pushed its way to the forefront. While they were dealing with the art thieves, he had had a slight disagreement with the bad guys. When he had returned to the office, the art cop that was heading the case had started mouthing off at him. He had the guy up against the office wall when Sonny had come in.

 

In passing, he had heard his partner say simply, "Put the nice man down, Rico." He'd had to laugh. He had just let it go, joined Sonny for breakfast and instantly everything was okay.

 

That was the magic between them, that together they could make all the bad things go away, and it would be all right. That was the only way they could survive it, to be there for one another, to support one another through it all. While they were out there, alone undercover, and off-duty, during the bizarre out-of-office hours that they had.

 

Sonny meant so much to him it was hard to measure. The whole Burnett incident had shaken their relationship to the core - but Rico knew, that the second time he had looked into his partner's eyes, down the barrel of his gun, that Sonny had recognized him and had deliberately missed. He had held onto that look through all the rest of it.

 

Until one evening, when they had had the discussion they were always going to have. Sonny constantly trying to apologize. Rico trying to get past the concrete wall his partner had built.

 

Sonny honestly had not been able to remember anything. All he knew was what others had told him, and what they had told him had scared him to death. Each time he had faced Rico there had been terror and apology deep in his eyes. And after the initial mistrust had faded to nothing, Rico desperately wanted to get past that and put the whole thing behind them, to go back to what their partnership, and their friendship, had once been.

 

He guessed he had already fallen in love with Sonny even back then. Now he knew how deep his feelings ran. He was certain that, given time, Sonny could match them with his own. If he ever got the chance.

 

Yanking down on the wheel suddenly, he threw the car into a 180 degree turn. He headed back to Miami.

 

Stan had phoned Caroline, had left her with the worry of what to tell Billy. And with the decision of whether or not to bring the youngster to Miami.

 

Rico returned to the hospital long before they were done in the operating theatre. He was waiting, not pacing, just standing with his head rested against the window. In his hand he held something; something he had had with him ever since Sonny was bundled gently into the medevac. He held Sonny's badge and, now and again, his tears would fall onto it.

 

~o~

 

3:45 pm

 

After five hours of delicate surgery, and two hours in recovery, Fielding sat by his patient's bed in the Intensive Care Unit. Around him, the monitoring equipment bleeped in differing rhythms.

 

Bri eased Sonny's hair back from his face. "You're doing well, Sonny." Sometimes it was too easy to forget that it was a person under the surgeon's knife; he always felt it good to remind himself. Sonny was fast becoming a miracle case. His survival chances had increased from 1 in 500 to a good 20 percent. The next twenty-four hours were critical.

 

Despite the success of the surgery, Sonny was still unable to breathe on his own. They had him on the respirator with partial support. Any help they could give him to increase his chances of survival, was being given. Ben Waltham was a highly respected man - Sonny was in the best hands. He would get the best care. More IV lines had been set up - glucose, antibiotics and yet another unit of blood.

 

Bri reached over and adjusted one of the monitors. Then leaned back to take a good look at the man whose life they just might have saved. Sonny was lying on his side, in a mirror to the position he had first been in while in recovery. Fielding sighed. He knew just how Sonny's life had changed in the last few hours. From here on in, it was his fight. There was only a certain amount they could do for him. Every two hours he would be turned to forestall bedsores and pressure sores - for the same reason, he was lying on an air mattress and a pillow had been placed between his knees. His weight was balanced against pillows in front of him, making certain he did not roll and crush the drainage tube.

 

They would keep him sedated for the next 48 hours. After that, they would continue with huge doses of pain-killers, and wait for him to wake up. It was the only way to tell how extensive the brain damage was.

 

As Bri sat there, he could feel his own mind trying to shut down. He was so tired, but it was relaxing, somehow, watching his patient sleep. Strange, how someone who, awake, would be in agonizing pain, could look so peaceful. Sonny had a great many stitches, both internal and external. It was going to take a long, long time for him to heal. It frightened Fielding to realize how fast a healthy, vibrant human being could be stopped and crushed. This time yesterday, he guessed, Sonny Crockett was sitting in his office drinking coffee with his colleagues, or driving somewhere to somewhere with his partner in his fast, flashy car. Now he was unconscious, fighting a desperate battle for his life; each breath drawn a minor victory. Too fast. These things happened way too fast.


	2. "I can feel it coming in the air tonight..."

Izzy and Travellyan glanced at each other over their chili-dogs. News traveled fast on the grapevine. Bodelle was recovering in the hospital's secure ward from a gunshot wound. Once he had recovered enough to talk to the cops, he was going to be charged and arraigned for the murder, or attempted murder, of a police detective. If Sonny died, the guy would never see daylight again as a free man. That was only one of the reasons Travellyan had returned to the city. 

He had warned Bodelle that the deal may be a setup simply because he recognized the drill and really was starting to fall for the man. But if he had realized that Sonny was playing under a different name, if he had realized Detective Crockett would be fighting for his life because Bodelle's guys had been nervous that afternoon, he would never have voiced his suspicions. He had not forgotten Sonny. He believed that he owed the detective one. The man had gotten himself back together enough to go back to work, after what Cintaro had put him through, and now this. His heart went out to Ricardo Tubbs.

"Did you tell them it was me who tipped him off?"

Izzy frowned, "I told them you'd been seen with Bodelle in Tampa, nothing more. If Crockett doesn't make it, Tubbs is gonna be looking for someone to blame, and you're not gonna be too far from his thoughts."

A strange smile crossed Travellyan's features, "Are you _trying_ to get me killed?!"

Izzy's voice dropped to a dangerously low level. "Let me put you straight on a couple of things. Sonny and I go back a long way. There's a reason things are how they are. I helped you get out of the Dome, and he wound up in hospital, that was not part of the deal. Now he's back there and he may never come out. Again, it's because of you. So understand, with him around, I'm safe. Without him, you're not."

**************************************************

Thursday night

Castillo watched from a distance as Rico sat down slowly and took Sonny's hand in his. It had been three days since this nightmare had started. In that time Rico had not left the hospital. He had been showering in the Doctors' lounge facility - thanks to Fielding - catching a few hours of sleep when Castillo forced him to, and Stan had been bringing in regular changes of clothing. But the worry and fear were showing through.

A skeleton team was running the vice unit, with Rico out of commission, there was little choice. There was no way Castillo was going to ask him to work. He was not in any shape to be effective. It would have been too dangerous for everyone. He had effectively lost his two senior undercover detectives. Deals that should have been going down were not. Chances lost forever in the on-going business world of the Miami drug dealers. But he could not bring himself to care about it.

He could not remember the last time he had allowed his life to be disrupted like this. He had been living from his car since the moment Sonny was shot, driving back and forth between the unit headquarters and the hospital. Knowing when he was sitting in the ICU he should be at the office. But once back at headquarters, he felt uncomfortable and anxious.

He had been through the stages. First anger at Bodelle, and then at Travellyan and even Izzy. Blame focused on himself for sending Crockett out there in the first place. As he had told Rico that first day, it was no good to second guess yourself, it did not change anything. Only now was he beginning to take his own advice and to stop looking for answers. There weren't any.

Everyday that passed, slowly increased Sonny's chances of survival. Even now, the doctors were only giving him a 50/50 chance. His body was still in deep shock from the trauma.

As the Lieutenant stood there, his subconscious registered a change in the rhythmic bleeping of the machines around Sonny's bed. Rico hit the panic button before his own panic overwhelmed him. The room filled instantly.

Nurses were politely pushed out of the way as Doctor Fielding moved quickly to his patient. Orders were called out. A request for someone to ready an operating theatre. Marty gently led Rico out of the room, back into the ICU waiting area where they had spent so much time recently.

 

 

After three days of worrying, of sitting and watching his partner lie still and silent, fighting for his life, Rico finally crumbled. Marty sat and held him tightly as he cried. The sobs were painful to listen to; filled with bitter tears against the injustice. Why was Sonny fighting to survive and the cause of this nightmare, Bodelle, was sitting up in his hospital bed?

The older man struggled to keep his own emotions in check, Rico needed support right now. But it was difficult. He felt like he had known Sonny all his life. He cared about the man so deeply it was like having a surrogate son. For all his brash manner and quick temper, he was a wonderful, gentle person underneath. It was almost too easy to find yourself caring too much for someone like Sonny.

Rico pulled back, too tired to be embarrassed. He tried to brush his tears away with his fingers, but it was of no use. Now that he had started to cry, he simply could not stop. With his boss sitting close, Rico started to talk. Maybe if he tried to explain, even if it was not necessary - maybe it would help.

"He'd been recovering, from what Cintaro did. He was okay. We were okay. I didn't think we ever would be again, but we survived it."

Marty was still largely unaware of many details concerning the Cintaro case. He knew Sonny had been sexually assaulted. He had assumed it was Cintaro who had done that. But something had happened that night, something between Sonny and Rico that their Lieutenant was not sure about. He had kept a careful eye on Sonny's progress when he had returned to work. Castillo had put them on surveillance and given them both the time they needed to heal.

As badly as Castillo had wanted to know exactly what had happened at the Dome, he suspected he would never know all the details. Each time he thought about it, he regretted sending Sonny and Rico undercover into the Dome. But right now was not the time for his own guilt. Right now he did not need the details to understand that what Rico needed, right this moment, was someone to just listen. He needed to talk about what was racing around his brain.

As he sat listening, Castillo heard the page go out for Ben Waltham to report to ICU. Minutes later, a sudden bang of the ICU door, as it swung open, snapped Rico's head around. Fielding, followed by Sonny's gurney and several nurses, were headed down the corridor. Sonny lay in the midst of this, still surrounded by monitors, wires and intravenous tubes.

Martin put a gentle but firm hand on Rico's shoulder, silently suggesting that he stay where he was. Castillo stood and went after the rapidly disappearing group. He barely caught up with them just outside the operating theatre. Bri spotted him; gesturing for the nurses to continue, he hung back.

"What's happening?"

"He's hemorrhaging internally. We won't know details until we open him up. I have to go."

Marty found himself staring at the white doors as they swung shut. When he turned, Rico was standing behind him; his expression said it all.

**************************************************

Rico opened his eyes and sat up - outside it was still dark. He glanced at his watch. It was still Thursday night. They were still waiting for Sonny to come out of surgery. Obviously there had been no word yet, as he could tell from Castillo's face as the man stared out into the stormy night.

Rico leaned forward and rubbed his eyes. Someone handed him a cup of coffee. He accepted it gratefully, mumbling his thanks. He was so drained by all this that the bitterness of the brew did not even register on his taste-buds. He had been living on the stuff since Monday. He looked up to see who his saviour was and found Mike DeLelo taking the seat directly opposite him.

"How are you doin'?"

Something just snapped in Rico's brain. The question shoved him over the edge. "Oh don't start that crap on me, DeLelo." Rico's anger suddenly fixated on the man in front of him. "How do you think I'm doing?!"

Marty turned quickly at the change in tone and slight rise in the volume of Rico's voice. His fears were confirmed a moment later, when Rico stood up nearly dumping his coffee. "My best friend is in surgery for the third time in three days! He may die and I feel as if my life has been shattered." He took a step toward the psychiatrist. "So how do you think I feel? Huh?"

Marty had started to move, but it was Stan who closed in on his friend. Putting himself between the two men, he turned to Rico. "C'mon, Rico, let's get out of here."

**************************************************

They ended up at the marina. Once aboard the St.Vitus Dance, Stan went in search of food for Elvis, and Rico went below deck. As he descended into the galley, the memory of sitting here and holding Sonny after the Cintaro case, slammed into him. Tears came unbidden, as the thought of the pain he had caused his partner came flooding back.

Stan found Rico standing at the bottom of the steps, weeping silently. He urged Rico to sit on the couch. Unsure of what he should do, he gave Rico time to calm before he spoke. "He's gonna be okay. You have to believe that. You have to believe in him."

"He's been through so much recently, too much pain."

"You're hurting for him. It's okay. I've been there. But I never had the hope that you've got." He wanted to reassure him more, but they were not even certain that Crockett was going to make it through this latest surgery. How could he say to Rico that his partner would be all right if they returned to the hospital and the unthinkable had happened?

Rico drew a long breath and leaned back against the sofa. He tilted his head back, and looked out of the porthole at the dark and stormy sky. "I'm sorry. I'm just having trouble dealing with it all." He closed his eyes briefly. "There're just so many 'ifs'. If he makes it through this surgery. If the bullet did too much damage, he may be paralyzed. If the initial blood loss was too severe, he may have brain damage...." The tears started again and he tried in vain to stop them. He took a deep, shuddering breath. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. When Lare got killed I fell to pieces. I blamed Sonny for his death. I came over here, started yellin' and screamin' at him, and he just took it. By the time my anger ran out I was in tears. Sonny just stood and held me, as if I hadn't tried to rip him to shreds. I don't know if he told you...." Rico shook his head.

"...Lare and I were very close." Stan was silent for a moment, lost in his own memories. He looked at Rico. "Thing is... with you two.... I've never seen a partnership as close as the two of you. Not even Lare and me." He shook his head. "It's spooky sometimes. I'm not sure if either of you notice it, but others have commented. It's like you know what the other's thinking. Sometimes in briefings, it's like talking to the same person with two bodies. You're both on the same track without a word passing between you."

Rico smiled sadly, he knew what Stan was talking about. He had felt it for a long, long time. It was just one of the multitude of things he would miss if.... He stopped that line of thought. He needed to talk. He needed someone to know just how deep his feelings ran. He wanted someone to understand how he was feeling and why. Everything seemed to stem from one incident, one nightmare - Cintaro.

"Things were just getting back to normal after what that bastard put us through...." Rico hoped that by saying all this aloud that he could get a handle on all this anger. He did not want to vent his anger physically.

"You mean Cintaro, don't you?" Rico was surprised, and Stan did not need the inevitable question. "I went with Sonny to the hospital that morning. I waited while the doc checked him over and they moved him into the trauma unit. When I went to sit with him, the doc told me he was in shock." He dropped his voice to a more gentle tone. "He also said they'd found evidence that Sonny had been raped."

"You never said anything?"

"I didn't know how to, or even whether I wanted to know or whether he wanted to talk about it. When you two came back to work, things were... different, but he seemed okay. Obviously you were there for him, and I figured that if he believed only you and the Lieutenant knew, it would be better for him - easier for him to go on."

Rico looked down at his tightly clenched hands. "He was raped." That was enough. "I saw it. Sonny flipped while it was happening. It took a long time for him to come back to himself. But other things happened while we were there. Other things changed. Things were revealed.... God, Stan, I think I'm falling in love with him."

Everything Sweitek should have felt at that moment passed through him in an instant. He knew he had heard Rico right. He found he even thought he understood what his friend was saying. Gently, he said, "A partnership's like a marriage, Rico. Sonny's life is in the balance, your feelings are messed up. Ninety percent of your memories from the past eight years involve Sonny. You practically live together, relying on each other in all kinds of situations.... Cintaro raped him while you watched.... You don't witness something like that without feeling something."

Rico sighed and stood, "It's more than that Stan. It's deeper than that."

 

 

Castillo and DeLelo talked quietly as the hours ticked by. Gina and Trudy had finally gone home. The waiting had become too much. Caroline had called. Sonny's cousin, Jack, had called. His only other living blood relative, his brother Jake, was still being tracked down.

 

 

Fielding saw that Sonny was made as comfortable as possible in Recovery, spoke briefly to Waltham, and approached Castillo in the waiting room. "Could we talk in private?" Martin nodded and stood. "Where's Rico?"

"Sweitek took him for some air."

They went into one of the side offices, and sat down. Bri looked as though he could use a few hours of undisturbed sleep.

"We managed to stop the bleeding." Bri hesitated. "About an hour into the procedure, Sonny went into cardiac arrest. I know we agreed that if it happened, we would let him go. But I couldn't. It was my decision and I made it." He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"We restarted his heart, but in doing so we put more strain on him. I know it was the right decision. To have come this far and not give him a fighting chance to live seemed unfair. I just thought you should know."

"Thank you." Castillo nodded. "How is he?"

"He's holding on." Bri so wanted to give more assurance, but they did not have much to go on just yet. "As for the rest, we won't know for a while. We're going to keep him on the respirator until we feel he's strong enough to breathe on his own. Once he's off the respirator, we'll let him wake so that we can assess the true extent of the damage.

"There's been massive internal tissue trauma, which will heal, given time. A minor infection has started in two of the bullet wounds, so we've upped the antibiotic for the moment. There will be scarring both front and back."

"It's the possible brain and nerve damage that we're most concerned about. Both are still unknowns at this stage. The surgery to remove the splintered bullets confirmed that there was no fracture or compression in the spinal column, but it's likely there was some soft tissue swelling from the initial trauma. The inhibitor definitely helped to prevent any further damage, but just how much the initial impact with the spine caused, we don't know yet."

"I'm sorry I can't give you more." Fielding sighed. "The truth is, Sonny's facing the biggest battle of his life, and I don't know if he's got the strength to fight it."

 

 

Sweitek and Tubbs fed Elvis and returned to the hospital. It was understood that what they had discussed was not going to be repeated. Stan had no problems with that.

Marty was sitting with Sonny when Rico entered the ICU. His Lieutenant gently explained to him what Fielding had said.

All they could do now was wait.

**************************************************

Friday

"He's slipped into a coma."

The doctor's words cut a cold path straight through Rico's heart. "Unfortunately, this is an indicator that there was some brain trauma. With the rest of his body trying to heal itself, the brain could just need time to rest. His system is still in deep shock and now he needs the time to start to heal."

"There's no way to tell at this point how long he'll remain in the coma. It could last a few hours, or a few days, or...." The pain that Bri saw in Rico's eyes was so raw. The man was obviously aware that Sonny may never wake up again. "For now, we'll keep a close eye on him. In a few days, when he's stable enough, we're going to start some simple physical therapy. We need to keep his muscle tone good, in order to correctly assess any possible nerve damage when he awakens."

**************************************************

It was a wonderfully sunny day in Atlanta. Caroline had decided that she had left it long enough. She looked at her son across the breakfast table. She was trying to stay calm, trying to keep the emotion from her voice as she spoke. "Sweetheart, I have some bad news, about your dad."

The 10 year old knew instantly. Maybe he had been expecting this all his life. "Mom, is he okay?"

She shook her head. "He was shot, while he was working. They don't know if he'll be okay."

Billy wanted to be brave, and not cry. But this was his dad and he loved his dad so very much. Caroline saw the tears fill his eyes and moved around the table. She pulled her son into her arms, holding him tightly. After letting him have a moment to calm down, she spoke quietly. "Billy, I'm going to go to Miami. You can come with me, but only if you want to. It's your decision."

"I want to see him. He's my dad."

"I know, Billy, but you've got to understand that he's very poorly. He's not going to be how you remember him." She reached up to brush his tears away. "Sweetheart, it's going to hurt to see him this way. I don't want to upset you any more."

He pulled back a bit out of her embrace, looked at her solemnly and said. "I have to see him, Mom. I want to tell him that I love him."

**************************************************

"Bri?"

Fielding opened his eyes and sat up. He had fallen asleep at his desk. "Ben!" He rubbed his eyes with the back of a hand. "I'm sorry."

"You need some proper sleep. The ICU nurse told me you've been here since Monday morning."

"Well, I went home Wednesday."

"You must get some rest. You're not going to be any good to anyone unless you do."

"I know, I know."

Ben Waltham sat down. Legs crossed, chin on hand, he regarded his colleague with some suspicion. "What's got to you? Is it this Vice cop?"

Fielding sighed and settled back in his chair. "I was here when he was brought in a few weeks back. He'd been sexually assaulted. I was angry then, I'm not certain why. But now this...."

Waltham leaned forward and lifted a picture frame from Bri's desk. He turned it in his hands and looked at the photo it contained. Bri and another man, lying on a sofa somewhere, one in front of the other, both smiling. Bri was in the front. The man behind him was a perfect match for their critically ill patient.

"This is why. He looks like Kieran. He reminds you of him, and you don't want the same thing to happen again." Waltham kept his voice gentle, trying to show some understanding. "I'm not going to give you the lecture about personal involvement...."

"Good."

"But Bri, you know what Detective Crockett's chances are. Please, do us all a favour and get some sleep. Then take a couple of steps back from all this. Kieran's dead. Getting yourself all worked up, because a Vice cop got himself shot, won't do you any good. And it won't change anything."

**************************************************

Castillo met United Airlines flight A495 at Miami International Airport early Saturday morning. It was the weekend. It had been a nightmare of a week. And it did not look like it was going to get any better anytime soon.

Caroline looked like they all did. She was tired and the boy was quiet. He flashed his badge as they came through the arrivals lounge. "Caroline? I'm Lieutenant Castillo. I'm Sonny's boss."

"How is he?"

"There's been no change."

 

 

Rico was sitting by Sonny's bed as Caroline followed Martin into the room. They had persuaded Billy to stay in the waiting room. When she saw Sonny, she was grateful that they had. He was in a worse state than she had imagined. Tears sprang to her eyes.

Reluctantly, knowing that he should, Rico stood. "Hi, Caroline."

She went to him. Hugged him. "Rico.... I'm so sorry."

He swallowed hard, holding her warmth against him. "No, I'm sorry.... I should have done more...."

"No, Rico, don't blame yourself."

Slowly, they parted, and her eyes moved down to her ex-husband. "I'd been trying to prepare myself for this. What I imagined wasn't even close."

"Do you want some time?"

"Yes. Please. Billy's outside with Stan. He'll be all right, won't he?"

Castillo nodded. He thought about asking Rico to talk to his partner's son. But one glance at Tubbs changed his mind. He could not ask anything of Rico at the moment.

Caroline sat down and looked into Sonny's face. He was very pale, and the respirator pipe was snaking from the side of his mouth, but otherwise it was difficult to believe that his life was at risk. He looked so peaceful.

Carefully, she reached out and touched his face. "Sonny. It's Caroline. I don't know if you can hear me, I hope you can. Everyone wants you to come back to us." Her voice cut softly through the periodic beeping of the monitors. "I know it's difficult, Sonny, but you can fight this and you can win. You have to, Sonny, for Billy's sake."

She sat up and listened to the noises around her. The compression of the respirator was the most unnerving. His heart rate was steady and the EEG was registering some brain activity. That was all she could tell.

 

 

A short time later, a voice interrupted her reverie.

"Mom?"

She turned to see Billy standing in the doorway, holding Sweitek's hand. "I'm sorry, he wanted to see his dad."

Caroline stood and walked to them.

"Uncle Stan explained what all the machines do. It's okay, Mom." She nodded, and Stan released his hand. He passed her as he walked slowly into the room, over to where his father lay. He stopped next to the bed. Both adults watched as Billy carefully wrapped his fingers around his dad's hand.

"Please, get well, Dad. If you don't, I'll miss you. I love you, Dad."

As he spoke, the EEG monitor registered a slight peak, then fell again - as if Sonny had heard his son's plea.

**************************************************

Tuesday

"Excuse me, Nurse. I'm Jake Crockett, I believe my brother's been brought here?"

 

 

Rico had lost count of the hours he had spent simply sitting beside Sonny's bed, holding his hand and talking. He must have recounted his life story by now. He had poured out his feelings. Over and over again he had told Sonny how much he loved him, and how much he missed him.

Rico had remembered what Fielding had said, coma patients could often hear what was going on around them. Bri had suggested that maybe Rico could read to Sonny. So Rico had asked Stan to bring in some books. Stan had arrived with a bag full. He had apologized, he did not have much time to read. But he had explained that when he and Lare used to do surveillance, Lare used to read Agatha Christie novels. He had the whole "Poirot" series as well as stacks of "Miss Marple". He had loved the little old woman who solved mysteries like she was making jam. When Lare died, his Mom had given them to Stan.

"Murder on the Orient Express" had been the first one out of the bag. Rico did not know if Sonny liked detective novels or not, but it was something to do while he sat there. And after a while, Rico found himself wanting to know the ending. He just hoped Sonny had not read it before.

 

 

Jake was shown into Fielding's office. He had already waited twenty minutes and by the time Bri joined him, he was a very unhappy man.

"Are you Fielding?"

Bri held out his hand, "Doctor Bri Fielding. I'm sorry, I was tied up in theatre."

"Why can't I just see my brother?"

"The police are being very careful about who sees Sonny."

Jake sighed, clearly agitated. "If the police had been more careful earlier, maybe _James_ wouldn't be in this position."

Bri sat down, frowning at Jake's remark. "Mr. Crockett, I understand that you're upset. Security is tight around Sonny." He chose to ignore the reference to his patient's actual christian name. "I wanted to explain what his condition is, before you saw him."

Jake shrugged. "I was told he'd been involved in a shooting."

"Sonny's in a coma. He was hit by five bullets. One splintered against his spine. He's been in surgery three times and slipped into a coma after the last. We've done everything that we can. All we can do now is wait. I'm sorry."

Jake stood, showing no emotion whatsoever. "I'd like to see him."

 

 

Two nurses settled Sonny onto his left side. One nurse then checked the monitor readings, and gave Rico a supportive smile. The other settled a fresh hospital gown over Sonny, adjusted the pillow between his knees and straightened the sheet. They left quietly and Tubbs sat down, reaching out to brush strands of hair away from Sonny's face. "I'll tell you something, Partner. I know something's happened between us, because for the first time I don't want these ladies' telephone numbers."

He looked up as the door opened. Bri smiled at Rico as he showed a second man inside. Rico's heart skipped a beat. The second guy was not exactly Sonny's double, but the resemblance was striking. His hair was much shorter and a little darker. Those seemed to be the only differences - until he spoke.

"Who are you?"

Unprepared for the hostility in Jake's voice, Rico's face fell. Bri answered. "This is Rico Tubbs, Sonny's longtime partner." There was a definite warning tone in Fielding's voice. "Rico, this is Jake Crockett."

"I can see the family resemblance." Rico nodded. "Good to see you. I'm glad we found you."

Jake said nothing. He walked up to the bed and gazed down at the still form lying there."

"God, James," he muttered, "you made a mess of yourself this time."

Rico bristled, and Fielding moved quickly between the two men.

Jake looked at him. "So is he going to live?"

"We don't know much at this stage. As I said, we've done everything we can for him. Now we just have to help him fight as best we can. The rest is up to him."

Jake then turned to Rico. "What happened?"

Rico did not answer. The tone of Jake's voice was disturbing. Sonny had never said a lot about his brother. They used to be close when they were young. That's about all he knew. But Rico had been through too much recently. He was balanced on a very thin edge, especially where his partner was concerned.

In an unconscious show of possessiveness, Rico wrapped his fingers around Sonny's hand. Jake's eyes widened. His voice rose in volume and took on an icy edge. "Are you going to tell me what happened?" Jake demanded. Bri had had enough. "That's it, out of ICU now before you upset my patient." He took Jake's arm firmly in his grip and led him out of the room.

Squeezing Sonny's hand, Rico whispered, "I'll be back in a moment, Partner."

 

 

Outside in the corridor, Rico caught up with Jake as he was leaving. He took the man's arm and spun him against the wall, fighting to keep his anger under control.

"What it is with you?! That's your younger brother in there!"

"Get your hands off me." Rico let go. "I'm well aware of the situation."

"Are you? So why don't you care?!"

"I care, Detective. I just don't show it in the same way as you do. I'm not gonna sit there holding his hand like you seemed prepared to do."

Tubbs stared at him, opened mouthed. "Sonny's got five bullet wounds. There's a high probability of brain damage. There's a high probability of nerve trauma. He may be paralyzed. He may never come out of the coma." His voice lowered. "He needs all the support he can get. He deserves it. He's been surrounded by love and support from the moment he was brought here. You're his older brother. He has a right to expect support from you."

Jake shrugged away from Rico. He started to pace the corridor and for the first time his voice took on some emotion. "He hasn't got the right to expect anything from me."

Rico softened. There was something going on here that he did not understand. "Whatever happened between you two, Jake, it's not important anymore. We could lose him at any time. It could go either way." He felt tears filling his eyes as he said, "He may never wake up. And if he does and he's paralyzed, do you really think he's gonna want to spend the rest of his life having everything done for him?" Jake stared at him, but anger was slowly being replaced by regret. After a moment of silence, he took a deep breath. "Truth, Detective? I don't know. I haven't spoken to him in ten years."

 

 

They sat in the canteen. Jake took one mouthful of coffee and grimaced. "You say you've been surviving on this stuff?"

Rico forced a smile. It did not light up his face. "Yeah. You get used to it."

There was an uncomfortable silence. "Look, Rico?" He looked at the other man for confirmation. He got a nod in reply. "I owe you an apology. You and James are obviously close."

Rico neither accepted, nor refused the apology. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened between you and Sonny?"

Jake frowned. "I do mind you asking. My little baby brother and I had a fight, ten years ago. The details aren't important. I take it he hasn't talked about it." Rico shook his head. "How long have you been working with him?"

"Eight years."

Jake nodded, sipping at his coffee. "Maybe when he wakes you could tell him I was here."

"Maybe when he wakes you two can sort out your differences."

Jake stood. "I doubt it, Rico. Thanks for the coffee."

**************************************************

Wednesday morning

Rico basked in the shower for a long time. But when his anxiety and dread nudged him, he turned off the water and stepped out. He could feel the grief and depression threatening as he dried and dressed in the doctors' lounge. He was thankful that Fielding was bending so many hospital rules for him. Bri had made sure that the doctors' facilities were available for him to use whenever he needed to. And his lengthy stays by Sonny's bed were due to Fielding. He understood that usually visitors were only allowed in to the ICU rooms for 15 minutes maximum at any one time. Rico had spent whole days in there.

Fielding had explained that it was not all for Rico's benefit. When Sonny woke he was going to find himself in a very frightening place, surrounded by tubes, machines and strange people. If there was someone familiar there beside him when he opened his eyes, it would be less stressful on his already traumatized system.

They still did not know how much, if any, brain damage there was. They were confident that the inhibitor drug had been successful. It had been administered early enough to have a positive effect, and Sonny had responded well to it. The question they faced now, was whether or not they had stopped the trauma reaction in the spinal cord before any permanent damage had been done. It was a question only Sonny could answer.

So far, it seemed the only progress was that Sonny was finally deemed strong enough to survive without the aid of the respirator. He had continued to breathe steadily once the trach tube was removed. Rico was grateful for this small step. Fielding had wanted Sonny off the respirator as soon as he was strong enough. They wanted him to be able to wake up when he was ready, but they preferred that the respirator tube be gone when it happened. The feeling of a tube down your throat, your breathing being controlled by a machine, Bri had explained, could be absolutely terrifying.

Tubbs dressed quickly in a fresh shirt and loose trousers. He hurried back to ICU. It was like a routine, almost like getting up and going to work in the morning. But there was an unending feeling of dread whenever he returned to ICU, as if each time might be the last. The fear that Sonny would slip away from him, while Rico was absent, drove him back to the unit with a sense of urgency. He had never felt so helpless in his life and it was almost unbearable.

But as he quietly entered Sonny's room this time, he knew instantly that something was different. Fielding was crouched by the head of Sonny's bed. Rico moved around and his eyes settled on his partner's face.

Rico's heart leapt as he saw two green eyes looking up at the doctor. "Sonny...." Bri moved back to allow Rico to move closer.

"Gently now, don't rush him." Fielding was clearly relieved, "He's only just woken."

Tubbs sat down and gently grasped Sonny's hand. For the first time, he felt a slight pressure as Sonny's fingers tried to curl around his. Rico felt his throat tighten as tears of joy threatened.

"You're doing fine, Sonny." Bri's voice was gentle and coaxing. "Everything is going to be fine."

Rico's smile lit up his face. He stared lovingly into Sonny's eyes. His partner's gaze was slightly glassy from the medications, but there was a definite spark of life there. His expression, of almost childlike confusion and innocence, made Rico want to just grab him and hold him.

Sonny was still propped on his side because of the drainage tube in his back. But he did not seem to be inclined to move. He did not speak. He just continued to look at Rico.

"Sonny." Green eyes tracked to locate the voice. He could hear them and he seemed to know his name. Bri deliberately stayed in his patient's line of sight and reached over to move the bed-sheet from Sonny's feet. "Can you move your toes for me?" He paused, then, "That's good. Okay, just relax. You're going to be fine."

Still smiling, Rico caught Fielding's gaze. The doctor shook his head. There had been no movement. Bri whispered, "It's still very early. Don't panic."

When Rico turned back to Sonny he found himself being watched. "Sonny, welcome back. You're gonna be okay." Sonny's eyes drifted shut and Tubbs gently squeezed his hand. "That's it. You rest now. I'll be here when you wake." His partner relaxed into a deep healing sleep.

Rico was almost giddy with relief. He stood carefully so as not to disturb Sonny. He turned to Fielding with an almost blinding smile. "I've got let Castillo and the others know the good news."

Martin and Stan had just arrived when a smiling Ricardo Tubbs met them in the corridor. "He just woke up. Sonny's out of the coma."

He thought Stan was going to hug him, but he stopped short. "Can I see him?"

"Sure, just go quietly. Fielding's gotten very protective."

When Rico turned back to Castillo, he could see his own smile reflected in his boss's eyes.

"Are you okay, Rico?"

"Yeah, I guess I am. It's the first step, isn't it?"

"Do they know any more?"

"Not really. I guess it's too soon." Rico felt a little knot of worry creep back in. "He responded to his name, but not much more." He took a deep breath. "Lieutenant, I need to stay here with him, I can't let him go through this on his own. I...."

Castillo put a hand on Rico's shoulder, stopping him. "I wouldn't ask you to leave. Take all the time you need. I'll take care of his paperwork. Don't worry. We're all here for you, don't forget that." He squeezed Rico's shoulder reassuringly. "Sonny's not going through this on his own, and neither are you. Your jobs are waiting for you, both of you. _When_ you're ready."

"Thank you."

"Rico, just remember to take care of yourself too. You're not going to do Sonny any good if you collapse from exhaustion." He paused, catching Rico's gaze. "We take this one step at a time. Sonny's never going to be alone. Whatever happens."

Rico could only nod his thanks.

 

 

Stan smiled as Sonny stared up at him. "Hey, Sonny, good to have you back, Pal." There was an odd look in Sonny's eyes that Stan interpreted as confusion. "It's me, Stan. Rico'll be back in a minute or two."

Fielding watched them over the clipboard, from the end of the bed. Sonny's eyes closed again. "He's still very weak and very disorientated. It's to be expected."

"Is he really going to be all right?"

"He's made it this far, we're just going to have to be patient and see what progress he makes."

**************************************************

Wednesday evening

"Rico...." Bri stepped into Sonny's ICU room, unsure whether either of its occupants were awake.

Rico sat up from where his head had rested on his folded arms on the edge of the bed. For a moment, he thought it was time for Sonny to be turned again. With the drainage tube still in place, the monitor leads and the IV tubes, it was quite a production. He blinked up at the doctor.

Fielding sat down carefully on the edge of the end of the bed. He saw that Rico had Sonny's hand cradled in his own. Next to them, a copy of "Death on the Nile" lay open.

His curiosity was starting to get the better of him. Cops with gun-shot wounds were regular patients in the ICU. Partners were often upset, feeling guilty and second guessing everything that they had done.

Ricardo Tubbs had arrived with Sonny Crockett. Despite the fact that he was suffering from mild hypothermia and shock, he had not rested. He had been with his partner, in spirit at least, every step of the way. This was devotion above and beyond the normal realms of partnership.

"You two are very close. How long have you worked together?"

"About eight years."

"Is this the first time one of you've been injured, badly?"

"We've had scares. I was on surveillance one afternoon, talking to Sonny on the car phone. The guy just came out of the house unexpectedly and shot me. All I remember is hearing Sonny's voice on the other end of the line, screaming my name, and me not being able to answer him."

Bri nodded. "The mind does that sometimes. It blocks out certain memories and pushes others to the front."

"Will Sonny remember what happened to him?"

Bri shrugged, "It's difficult to say. I doubt he'll remember everything of what happened. His mind will try to protect him." He paused. "Then again, we don't know how much his memory will be affected by the trauma and the blood loss he suffered."

Fielding settled himself on the bed. "I know when we use the phrase 'brain damage' it sends chills through you. But you need to remember there's a huge scale of effects. It could be as simple as he won't remember what his plans were for that evening, to complete irreversible loss of everything."

Rico knew what Sonny's plans had been for that particular evening. "We were supposed to have dinner together." He murmured, almost to himself. "He was going to cook. He said he owed me one." He reached over to touch Sonny's cheek.

Fielding did not speak for a short while, allowing Rico a private moment to remember. He thought back to the dinners he and Waltham used to share, before the surgeon left for Seattle. He missed those times. He and Ben used to be good friends. Now the barely saw each other. And when they did, it was often over an operating table.

Rico looked up, suddenly realizing Fielding had been in the middle of explaining the situation to him. "Sorry. Please, go on."

Fielding mentally shook himself and nodded. "We know Sonny's there. He knows who he is and seems to know who you are. He didn't seem to be certain about Stan, but he's still very weak and heavily medicated. Most likely he was expecting to see you there when he woke as you were there when he fell asleep. We are a little concerned that he didn't try to talk or move."

Rico's eyes strayed to his partner's face. "What if he did try to move, and he couldn't."

"Bri shook his head, "The EEG would have registered it if he had."

They sat in companionable silence for a little while, listening to the bleeps of the various monitors. Finally, Rico broke the silence. "So what happens next?"

"Waltham has scheduled another set of x-rays for tomorrow morning. He's checking the healing around the spine. If everything looks okay, we're going to take the drain out of his back and close up the wound."

"More anesthetic?"

"No, the patient remains awake for that procedure."

Rico looked shocked. "Doesn't it hurt?"

"Under normal circumstances? Yes. But with the painkillers he's being given, he's not going to feel a thing." He smiled, "Don't worry Rico, we're not going to put him through any more than he has to go through."

As he talked, Bri reached over to adjust the blanket over Sonny's feet. His hand brushed the underside of Sonny's right foot. It twitched in response. "My God." He held his breath as he repeated the touch to Sonny's left foot. This foot too, jumped at the touch.

Rico looked up. "What is it?"

Smiling now, Fielding ran a gentle finger down the base of his patient's sensitive foot. This time not only did his foot move, Sonny grunted. "He's ticklish! Does that tickle, Sonny?" Bri could hardly believe it. "He can feel what I'm doing and he's trying to move away."

It took a moment, but finally the significance hit Tubbs like a ton of bricks. He was too joyous for words, as he listened with delight to the annoyed mutters of his partner. Sonny had always hated people touching his feet.

Tubbs leaned over Sonny, gently squeezing his hand. After a moment, Sonny opened his eyes and swallowed painfully. "Rico...." His voice barely came out as a dry, raspy whisper. It was the most beautiful thing Rico had ever heard.

"Yeah, Sonny, it's me." The grin on his face said everything, and Bri imagined he could feel the radiance coming from it.

Bri pushed the tray table over to Rico and nodded to the pitcher of water, and the glass with a straw. "Would you like some water, Sonny?" Sonny swallowed.

Rico quickly poured a little into the glass and held the straw to Sonny's lips.

"Only give him a couple of sips." Rico nodded and Bri continued, "If he doesn't want to drink any, you could just moisten his lips."

Rico nodded.

Fielding was quietly amazed at the complete lack of physical barriers between these men. He could not help but keep remembering the reason for Sonny's last hospitalization. He did not want to put two and two together only to come up with seventy-four. But he found himself still wondering.

Sonny took a couple of sips. He then spoke quietly before drifting off to sleep. Rico was chuckling when he set the glass back.

"What did he say?"

"He said, 'Stop tickle.'"

**************************************************

Rico stayed awake all night, not wanting to leave Sonny's bedside lest he should wake again. Sonny slept peacefully. Only twice did he awaken during the turning sessions every two hours. Rico was amazed at how anyone could sleep through it, and it drove home to him just how weak Sonny really was. When he did wake, Sonny had a couple of sips of water, gave Rico a little smile, and drifted back off to sleep.

When Waltham saw Rico at 7:00 am, he practically ordered him to get some rest. Sonny was going to be x-rayed and examined by Waltham. If everything was okay, the drainage tube was going to be removed.

Fielding promised Rico that Sonny would not be left alone. He would stay with Sonny until Rico returned. So Rico left the ICU relieved, but exhausted. Yet he could not sleep and he decided to get out of the hospital for a while.

Rico took Sonny's Ferrari and drove into town. Each evening, after work, Stan was driving out to feed Elvis and check on the boat, until other arrangements could be made. Anyone who called for "Burnett" simply heard an answering machine - he was out of town, and would be for some time. It was perfectly normal behaviour for a dealer. Rico decided to check in at the office and make sure "Cooper"'s contacts were getting the same idea.

The vice unit had returned to work only two days after the shooting. Castillo, despite sharing his time between the office and the hospital, still managed to look like he was getting eight hours sleep a night. Stan, Gina, Trudy and Martin gathered in the briefing room to allow Rico to bring them up to date on Sonny's progress. Every little thing was a huge step forward, even though it was early days.

**************************************************

The x-rays confirmed Waltham's hopes that Sonny's spinal column was undamaged and the wounds healing well. There had been so much soft tissue damage and swelling initially, that the earlier x-rays had been somewhat inconclusive. On these new results, Fielding went ahead with the procedure to remove the drain.

In the treatment room, Bri lifted the sheet from Sonny and folded back the gown to expose his back. The incision, through which the tube entered Sonny's body, was red. Fearing a slight infection, Bri ordered that Sonny be started on another short course of antibiotics, but that a special look out be kept for any possible side-effects. Sonny had been dosed up with antibiotics since he was admitted, and there was an increasing chance that his system would either become accustomed to them, making them lose their effectiveness, or Sonny would develop an allergy to the drugs.

Carefully, the tape that held the tube in place, was peeled away. As Fielding slowly started to remove the tube, he felt Sonny shift position. He reached up and touched his patient's exposed arm. "Easy Sonny. Just relax. It'll be over in a moment. I'm removing the tube from the wound in your back. I'll be finished soon." Bri continued to pull at the tube, his concern rising as Sonny shifted again, obviously uncomfortable.

Once the tube was fully out of Sonny's body, and the incision closed, Bri moved to allow the nurse to dress the wound. He walked around Sonny's gurney. Sonny was awake. His eyes were slitted with pain and tears glistened on his face. Fielding crouched down, bringing himself eye-level with his patient.

"Sonny, it's nearly over." Fielding realized that Sonny had no idea what was happening to him. They still did not know how much he remembered. It was one thing waking to the familiar face of his partner in a quiet, darkened room. It was quite another to wake in unknown surroundings, in pain, being hurt by strangers. "Relax, Sonny. In a minute we'll get you back to the intensive care unit. Then I'll explain what's happening."

Sonny seemed to understand. His eyes closed. His fingers clutched slightly at the sheet over him. Bri gave Sonny's upper arm a supportive squeeze.

The nurse finished dressing the new set of stitches, and then Bri started to look at the older ones. The five bullet entrance wounds were healed nicely, and Bri removed the stitches for each of them. Soon, they would have to decide what they were going to do about the large exit wound in Sonny's back.

 

 

Back in ICU, a pillow was put under Sonny's back and he was moved so that his weight was shifted slightly from his side.

It had been decided to leave in the catheter for now, even though Fielding knew Sonny was going to hate it. Sonny was still very weak and they were still largely unsure of his actual physical state.

After what seemed like a very long time, Fielding was left alone with his patient. Just as he started to sit down, Sonny attempted to move himself back on to his side. Bri gently assisted, trying to make it as painless as possible.

"Is that more comfortable?" Bri asked quietly, sitting down. Sonny opened his eyes. This time his gaze was clearer. He wanted to speak, but even just swallowing was painful enough. Bri stopped him. He leaned over and touched the index finger of Sonny's left hand. "Can you move this finger for me?"

Sonny moved his finger, not a great amount, but enough. "That's good. So, if I ask you a few questions, can you move it once for yes and twice for no?" The finger lifted and fell back. "Good." The expression in Sonny's eyes was asking its own, multitude of questions. Bri knew it was best to answer them first. "Sonny, I'm Doctor Bri Fielding. I've been your doctor since you were admitted. You're in the Intensive Care Unit of Miami Dade Hospital." Bri paused, making certain that Sonny seemed to be grasping what he said. "Do you remember being hurt?" Sonny moved his finger twice. No, he did not. Well, that was not unexpected.

"Do you remember being down by the docks?" There was a hesitation, then two movements. "Do you remember the name Kym Bodelle?"

Again, there was a pause followed by two finger taps. Bri made a mental note to ask Rico how long they had been investigating Bodelle. It might give them some reference to how much 'time' Sonny had lost. Although to be fair, it was only a name and even Bri sometimes had trouble with names. He did not want to push. It was still very soon after the incident, Sonny might remember everything in another few days.

Bri could read the growing concern in Sonny's eyes, over his inability to remember what he was being asked. He went on to explain the situation to Sonny. "You were shot, during an undercover drugs operation." Sonny seemed agitated and about to speak, but Bri forestalled him. "No, let me finish." Sonny quieted.

"You were brought in here ten days ago. We operated to remove several bullets. You're going to be okay. I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now, but you will. We've been giving you pain medication, but we need to know if the pain becomes too much, okay?" Yes. "There will be someone with you all the time - either myself, or a nurse or Rico."

Sonny smiled. Bri returned it. "You recognize Rico, don't you?" Yes. "Do you remember Stan?" A long pause, then two taps. No. On the outside, Bri was still smiling, but inside he was a little concerned that Sonny did not remember a long time friend. "Do you remember Lieutenant Castillo?" Yes. Well, that was something.

"Your throat is very painful right now, because you were on a respirator for about a week. The tube was in your throat and it made it very sore. It'll improve in a few days, but for now the less you try to talk the better. Okay?" One finger tap.

"You're doing good, Sonny. You woke earlier while we were removing a drainage tube from your back. I'm sorry for the discomfort. I'd hoped you might sleep through it." Sonny seemed to understand. Bri continued. "Now I need to do a couple of quick tests. Is that okay?" Sonny indicated that it was.

Fielding stood and moved to the end of the bed. He folded the blanket back from Sonny's feet. Gently, he grasped the toes of Sonny's right foot. "Can you feel my fingers?" Yes. He moved to the other foot. "And now?" Yes.

"I'd like you to move your toes for me. Okay?" There was a long pause, during which, Bri held his breath. Then Sonny wiggled his toes of first his right foot, then his left. "That's it. You're doing great." Bri covered his patient's feet.

By the time Bri had sat down again, Sonny's eyes had drifted shut. He reached out and touched Sonny's index finger. There was no reaction. Sonny had drifted off to sleep. Fielding smiled to himself. His 'miracle' patient was still very weak, but doing far better than anyone could have expected. Right now, Sonny needed all the rest he could get. Time to heal.

**************************************************

Thursday night

Rico turned the page of "Evil Under The Sun" and looked up. Sonny was watching him. The nurse had administered the day's final dose of pain-killer to Sonny, and he seemed comfortable, as he always did for the first one to two hours after each dose. But beyond that period, he slept restlessly, the intensity of the pain waking him.

Rico squeezed Sonny's hand gently. "Are you okay?" One finger lifted and dropped.

Bri had explained the system he had used to ask Sonny questions and Rico had suggested to his partner that they use it until Sonny could talk painlessly.

"Do you want me to stop?" No. Rico carried on, the quiet harmonics of his voice lulling Sonny slowly into a healing sleep.

Rico was instantly aware of the change in Sonny's breathing as he drifted off into a peaceful sleep. He set the book aside, happy just to watch Sonny's peaceful face. Rico saw that the pain lines around Sonny's eyes and mouth were temporarily gone. It troubled him to think that, even in sleep, Sonny could not escape his painful injuries. In an hour, maybe a little more, the pain lines would return.

The possibility of Sonny's memories returning, also worried Rico. If that happened, and Sonny remembered the wrong times, the effect could be devastating. He was not certain exactly what Sonny remembered. He hoped that his partner remembered how far things had progressed between them. But he also dreaded the possibility that Sonny would remember the rape. There was the looming possibility that the returning memories would be incomplete or distorted. Or that they would return so suddenly, and unexpectedly, that Sonny might not be able to deal with them? What if Sonny blamed him? A cold knot of dread formed in Rico's stomach.

He tried to forget about it. He would deal with the situation in time - if and when it happened. Right now, Sonny needed him.

Fielding had switched off the audio tones of the monitors. Alarms would still sound if any readings changed dramatically, but the continuous beeping was disturbing Sonny. Without the rhythmic sounds, it was eerily quiet. The ICU of the trauma unit was made up of separate, private rooms. There was hardly any noise coming from the corridor and Rico delighted in just hearing Sonny's light breaths.

Waltham checked on Sonny before he left for the night. Unlike Fielding, Waltham seemed to Rico to be almost brutal with Sonny. Rico knew he was probably over reacting. The neurosurgeon was an expert in his field. And he did seem intent on ensuring that Sonny made the fullest recovery possible.

Bri had explained to Rico that it was almost impossible for a severely injured patient to retain any dignity. Things needed to be done for him because he was incapable of doing them for himself. His wounds were checked and dressed daily. The IV lines, monitor pads and catheter were checked every time he was turned. Rico had been present for these procedures many times. But he had decided that once Sonny was fully awake, he was going to start leaving the room each time. He wanted to help preserve at least some of his partner's personal pride. Sonny deserved to be treated with respect.

Yet Waltham did not seem to care about this. He poked and prodded his patient like he was a slab of meat and once he was satisfied that his patient was stable, Waltham bade Rico goodnight and left.  



	3. "...and it seems that we've still got a long, long way to go, I know..."

In Sonny's mind, he had been pushing again and again at the door that was in front of him. He had been hearing voices, seeing images around him, like he was looking out through the peep-hole in the door. And then, the door had opened. He had walked through it, apprehensively. Just as he was through it, it slammed shut behind him.

Now he was standing in front of the door. He could open his eyes and see people he knew. He could understand some of what they were saying. He could move parts of his body, in reaction to his surroundings. It was as if he had been freed from a lonely prison.

But a lot of what was said to him did not make any sense. He felt confused as to why he was not understanding. He feared there was something wrong with him. He couldn't clear his head. He was terrified.

Inside might have been a prison, but things here, outside the door, were frightening and often incomprehensible. It seemed as if every movement he made, almost every breath, caused him pain. And these people were doing things to him that he did not want to think about; but he was powerless to stop them. This brightly lit world was terrifying.

But there was one person that never hurt him. He recognized Rico. He always felt happy and safe when it was just Rico with him in this place. Sonny had clung desperately to the gentle tones of Rico's voice while he had been trapped behind the door. That voice had been his lifeline, an anchor to grab onto to when the darkness had called to him.

Fear and pain sent him reeling back against the door repeatedly. And although he fought to stay in the light, not wanting to descend once more into the darkness, he found himself curled up in the shadow of that doorway. And still he clung to the comforting voice that cradled him.

**************************************************

Saturday

"...we need to consider making the pain medication available to him when he needs it." Bri explained. "There's a 'patient demand' system that we can attach to one of the IV lines. It'll deliver small doses of the drug when he needs it. With so many injuries, as well as the high probability that there has been some nerve trauma, he's been in almost constant pain." Bri saw Rico's eyes dart to check on Sonny. "I'm afraid that with this high level of distress, he won't heal as quickly as he should. He's using too much of his energy just to deal with it."

Rico nodded. They were standing in one corner of the room. The nurses were turning Sonny, after subjecting him to the ritual daily bed bath and shave. Bri knew Rico was not going to like what was coming next, but he had to be told. "One other thing we're worried about is the exit wound on his back. The bullet caused some serious damage. It's left a fairly large hole in Sonny's back and it's not healing properly. We've scheduled skin graft surgery for Tuesday morning."

Rico looked at Fielding appalled, "Another operation? So soon? Is he strong enough?"

Fielding withered under Rico's gaze. "No, not really. But he can't be left to suffer. Pain as intense as he's feeling will only slow down his recovery. The skin graft will help him in the long run."

The nurses finished and slowly left, one pausing to talk quietly to Bri.

Once it had fallen quiet in the room, Fielding realized he could hear a soft noise. He moved over to the bed where Sonny had been turned to face away from the door. Fielding looked down and saw that Sonny was tapping his index finger over and over again on to the mattress. Moving forward, Bri reached down and gently stroked

Sonny's finger. "Sonny. It's Doctor Fielding. Are you okay?" The tapping continued, and Rico came over to them, concerned.

The moment Rico was in Sonny's line of sight, he relaxed. The finger tapping stopped.

In his mind, he could see a dim light pushing at the shadows that surrounded him. It was a comforting light. He could feel the warmth radiating from it, and he wanted to go nearer to it. But the pain was stopping him. He could remember someone telling him that if the pain was too much, he should say so. It was the voice that was speaking to him now.

Sonny swallowed. He wanted to tell these people that he hurt, but it was even painful to try to communicate. He desperately wanted to make them understand. Then maybe they would make the pain go away. In a voice that was little more than a whisper, he spoke. "Hurts."

Fielding sat by the head of Sonny's bed. He let Rico pour some juice and put the straw in the glass to Sonny's lips. Sonny had a few sips before settling back. But his face was taut with pain. "Sonny. Where does it hurt?"

"Back. Inside."

"On your back?" As he spoke, Fielding reached out and touched the back of Sonny's hand, to indicate that he should use his fingers to communicate with them. He lifted his index finger once. Bri was not surprised. The wound was still very raw. It could not be stitched because the bullet had blown away too much skin and muscle. It was the reason they had scheduled a skin graft to assist in its healing. But, although in the long run it would help, for a time the pain was going to be severe. They ould not have Sonny suffering like this. "Where inside does it hurt?"

There was a long pause, then Sonny whispered. "Everywhere."

"Okay, Sonny. I'll see what I can do for you."

He stood and directed Rico to sit in his place. "Distract him, hold his hand and keep him calm. I'm going to set up the patient demand pump. It'll take a few minutes so just bear with him. Try to take his mind off the pain."

Rico reached over to the side and picked up the open copy of "The ABC Murders." Taking Sonny's hand in his own, making sure he had Sonny's attention, he started to read. The ECG showed the definite decrease in Sonny's heart rate as Rico's sonorous voice quietly relayed the continuing plot of the thriller. By the time Bri returned with the pump and its monitoring equipment, Sonny had relaxed a bit, although the tiny pain lines etched in his face were still obvious.

Quietly, the doctor set up the pump that would allow Sonny small doses of painkiller when he required them. He ensured that Sonny got an immediate dose, and within minutes his patient had slipped into sleep.

Later, Fielding explained to Sonny how to use the demand pump. With the touch of a button, he could call for a dose of pain-killer. He explained that there were strict limits on how much morphine could be called for in any one time period, but he assured Sonny that he would be more comfortable on the pump.

**************************************************

After being connected to the morphine pump, Sonny started to rest better, and for longer periods of time. Fielding noticed that if he woke to find that Rico was not there, he would quickly become agitated. It was difficult to calm him, and he resisted going back to sleep. But if Rico was there, Sonny would have a drink, just a sip or two, and settle quickly. This only confirmed to Fielding that he had been right. Sonny had latched on to Rico's voice as a safety line. If Rico was present, quietly reading to Sonny or even just talking to him, it was okay for Sonny to sleep then.

In Sonny's mind, the light was getting brighter, and warmer. It was so tempting to move towards it. There was less pain now. He uncurled himself from the safety of the shadows, and started walking cautiously toward the light. As he did, the shadows disappeared. The light enshrouded him and hit the dark wood of the closed door behind.

Tuesday morning

Two on-duty nurses had almost finished bathing their patient, when the ever-present Bri Fielding bade them good morning. One shook her head slightly. Speculation was running high about Dr. Fielding's involvement in this patient's recovery. Nearly everyone, it seemed, had noticed that he hardly left the hospital anymore. He always seemed to be in this ICU room if he was not needed in surgery.

Waiting for the nurses to finish, Bri checked Sonny's charts, although he knew them by heart and had written the majority of them anyway.

Fielding looked up as Sonny was covered with a fresh gown and sheet. Two clear green eyes were looking straight back at him, almost accusingly. He moved nearer to Sonny as the two nurses left the room. "Hi."

"Hi."

Bri blinked in surprise. Obviously, Sonny's throat was much better. Although not as strong as it normally was, his voice was definitely audible. Bri did not allow himself to be taken aback for long. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore. Where's Rico?"

"I sent him to get some sleep. He'd been in here all night. He'll be back soon. Do you want a drink?"

"Yeah." Bri poured some juice and offered Sonny the straw, holding the glass for him. This time, instead of just accepting the offer, Sonny tried to sit up. Fielding put the glass down quickly, and gently, but firmly, stopped Sonny from trying to move. "Hey, just take it easy."

Sonny tried again, sending searing pain shooting up through his spine. His face contorted and he cried out. Bri stood and helped Sonny to settle back onto his side. "You have to lie still." He re-adjusted the sheet over Sonny, lifting it slightly to check the pillow between his knees. He imagined he could feel Sonny freeze as the sheet was lifted. "I'm sorry Sonny. I have to look after you."

Sonny reluctantly relaxed, and accepted the straw when Fielding offered it again.

"Sonny, we're going to operate on you later this morning. We're going to do a skin graft to help heal the wound on your back. I know you've been in a lot of pain because of it. This operation will help."

Sonny's expression betrayed his fear. Bri tried to comfort him. He carefully explained what the procedure entailed. But he was immensely glad to see Rico arrive - so was Sonny. Fielding moved so that Rico could sit by the head of Sonny's bed. He quietly mentioned that the nurse would be in to administer the pre-med in an hour, then he left the two men alone.

Rico took Sonny's hand in his own. His partner's eyes were clearer, his expression a mix of pain and fear. "How are you feeling?" Sonny looked away, and Rico gently reached out to touch his hair. "You can tell me."

Sonny met Rico's gaze. "I'm scared, Rico."

"I know. The operation is going to take away some of the pain."

This time, it was Sonny who squeezed Rico's hand. He moved his thumb over the dark fingers thoughtfully. "How long have I been in here?"

"Just over two weeks."

A pause. Then, "Thanks for being here." Sonny again met Rico's loving gaze. He wanted to tell Rico that he should get out of the hospital. That he should go back to work. That he, Sonny, would be okay. But Sonny knew deep inside that he did not want Rico to leave him. He was scared. He could not go through this on his own. He was overwhelmingly glad that Rico had chosen to stay here with him.

"Sonny, I'm not going anywhere. I won't let you face this on your own. So don't worry about that. You just relax and get better for me. For us. Everyone's thinking of you."

Under Rico's concerned gaze, Sonny still seemed anxious. He hated to think that Sonny was worrying about anything. He was in enough pain as it was. Rico did not want anything else bothering his partner. "Sonny, what's worrying you? Is it the operation?"

"No." Again, Sonny seemed hesitant.

"You can talk to me. It's okay."

Obviously uncomfortable, Sonny tried to shift position and again his face contorted with the agony that soared through him. "Sonny, relax. Please, talk to me."

"I.... Sometimes, I wake up and you're not here." Sonny saw the look in Rico's eyes and quickly added, "And that's okay. You should get on with your life. I just...." He swallowed. This all sounded so childish. "I get scared that you're not coming back."

Rico felt tears stinging his eyes. He so desperately wanted to pull Sonny into his arms and hug him. He wanted to make all the pain and the fear go away. But he could not.

Instead, leaning close, Rico took Sonny's hand and held it to his face. He reveled in the warmth of Sonny's touch. Sonny was watching him intently. Those beautiful green eyes, the eyes he felt he could drown in, were following his every move.

"Sonny, I love you." He turned and kissed the palm of Sonny's hand. "I'm never going to leave you. I won't abandon you. If you wake, and I'm not here, I'm only down the corridor. You only have to ask for me." He rubbed the back of the hand he still held against his cheek.

"How can I get on with my life while you're lying here? You *are* my life, Sonny." He saw tears glistening in Sonny's eyes. "So I'm going to be here with you until you are well enough to go home. And then I'm going to look after you until everything's all right again." A tear made its way down Sonny's cheek. "And even then, I'll still be there for you. Don't ever worry that I'm not coming back, because I always will."

Carefully minding all the wires and tubes, Rico leaned over and touched his lips to Sonny's forehead. Sonny's eyes closed, and finally he started to drift off to sleep again. Just before his breathing shallowed, he murmured, "I love you too, Rico."

Rico watched as Sonny slept. And after a while his tears stopped falling. Leaving the room, when the nurse came to administer the pre-med and prep Sonny for surgery, was the hardest thing Rico had ever done.

**************************************************

Stan found Rico in the cafeteria. Sonny had been in theatre for 30 minutes. It would be a while yet. Stan bought Rico a coffee and a Danish. He filled Rico in on what had been happening over at OCB. Castillo had arranged for Crockett and Tubbs' cases to be followed up by other officers, or in some cases, at a later date. Some dealers went by credentials, and specifically wanted Burnett. They were willing to wait while Burnett sheltered from the heat, out of town, for a while.

Caroline continued to call in every day for an update on Sonny's condition. She had had to return to Atlanta because of work, but kept in close touch for Billy's and her own peace of mind. Nearly everyone in the Vice unit routinely checked on Sonny's progress. They were all worried.

"You know that Bodelle's been released from here, don't you?" Stan asked carefully.

"No, I didn't." Rico stared at the coffee cup in front of him. He thought he should feel something about the man who had shot his partner. Anger. hatred.... Something. But his immediate hatred for Bodelle had burned out about a week into this nightmare. He could not do Sonny any good by being consumed by the negative feelings for the drug dealer. Now, he just felt numb about Bodelle. It was not fair. It was not right. But right now it was all he could feel. It was taking all of Rico's strength to support Sonny. Nothing else truly mattered. "No one said anything."

"Well, he was taken straight into custody. His arraignment is tomorrow morning, if you want to attend. He won't make bail, you can bet on that." Stan paused and glanced at the files he had carried in with him. "Rico, the Bravara case is in court a week from Thursday. Your testimony is absolutely required."

As the news sank in, Rico looked horrified. "Stan, I can't.... I mean...."

"You have to." Stan could see the thought of leaving Sonny was tearing at Rico. "Look, I'll come in and sit with Sonny. Without you, Bravara will walk. Castillo says you have to be there."

Rico knew he had to go. He had been the arresting officer in the case. It all hung on his testimony. He nodded. "Okay. But I'll need the case files so I can review everything."

Stan patted the stack next to him. "Already brought 'em in for you." He looked at Rico. "Explain to Sonny what's happening so he won't worry about you not being here. And if it looks like the case is going to take awhile, we'll work something out. Someone will always be here with Sonny. Okay?"

Rico simply nodded, grateful for Stan's understanding.

They sat in a companionable silence for a while. Then Stan said, "You look exhausted. You should get some proper rest."

"I'm not leaving him."

"No one's asking you to. But we're here, for both of you. Let me, or Gina or Trudy sit with him for a couple of hours, after work. Just while you catch up a bit."

"Maybe. Maybe when they move him from ICU."

Stan accepted that. "There's something else."

"What?"

"The day Sonny was shot, while you were with him in Recovery, Izzy turned up. He was very concerned about Sonny. He told us that Roger Travellyan was seen at Bodelle's place in Tampa a few days before the bust at the docks."

Rico lifted his hand to his mouth, his thoughts racing. "So Bodelle could have known that Sonny and I were cops."

Stan shook his head, "He would never have turned up to the deal. I think Travellyan just warned Bodelle to be careful. Maybe something made Travellyan suspicious. According to Izzy, the two were slightly more than just good friends."

Rico nodded, "That would make sense. Bodelle's certainly Travellyan's type." He sipped his coffee. "I think you're right about Bodelle. I'm almost certain that Travellyan has a thing for Sonny. I don't think he would have knowingly set Sonny up."

"Maybe. Or maybe it's the real thing with Bodelle. If Travellyan had voiced his suspicions, that would have been enough to set Bodelle and his henchmen on edge."

Rico's gaze hardened. Suddenly, there was someone to blame.

**************************************************

Fielding made certain that Sonny was comfortable in Recovery before returning to his office. The skin graft had been successful. For a short while - maybe a few days - Sonny would be in greater pain. They had taken layers of skin from his left buttock and right inner thigh. Bri prayed it was the last time his patient had to go into surgery. He hoped Sonny was strong enough to come through this time.

He sat at his desk and picked up the top document from the 'In' tray. Sonny's routine blood test results. As a matter of course they had tested for HIV/AIDS. He had come up negative. Bri had to make a decision about explaining the threat of HIV, from the blood Sonny had been given, to Rico. He was convinced that either there was already intimacy between Sonny and Rico, or that there soon would be. He was sure that was where their relationship had been headed, when this ordeal had begun for them.

They would retest Sonny in six months, and then once again in another six months. If he was still negative, he would be in the clear. But Bri needed to make certain that Rico understood the threat and that he and Sonny would have to practice safe sex. Approaching the subject, however, was not as easy as making to the decision to do so. It would be a while before Sonny was able to do anything without it hurting. At the moment, Rico could not even give his partner a gentle hug because of the extent of Sonny's injuries.

He glanced at his watch. 1:13 pm. It would be two hours at least, before Sonny woke from the anaesthetic. Then he would be returned to ICU. Bri knew he would soon be under pressure to move Sonny into a private room. But it was too soon. Fielding wanted Sonny off the morphine pump before he left ICU. That probably was not going to happen for the next week.

Sonny's simple physiotherapy was continuing. They were hoping to keep his muscles as toned as possible. They had not really dealt with the memory issue yet. Bri suspected that Sonny's mind had blocked out everything that was too painful to remember. He doubted Sonny would ever remember being on the docks that evening.

But he was going to be okay. That was the important thing.

**************************************************

Bri led Rico quietly into Sonny's ICU room.

"He's out of the anaesthetic, but he's still woozy from the pain-med. We have to keep him immobilized for a few days, to let the graft take."

Rico smiled at him, "Thanks." He moved to sit by Sonny's bed, his eyes drifting over his partner's still form. He took hold of Sonny's hand.

"Sonny. It's Rico. You're back in ICU."

Sonny's green eyes opened and gazed at Rico with a glassy expression. He gave Rico a weak smile and drifted back off to sleep.

Bri watched them for a moment, and then checked Sonny's charts. "A man calling himself Roger Jarell has been phoning the hospital inquiring about Sonny's condition." He looked up from the clipboard. "Do you know him?"

Rico thought for a moment, then nodded. Travellyan. He let out a deep sigh. "He didn't say anything about visiting, did he?"

"No, he said it was best that he didn't come forward."

The relief in Rico's eyes was almost tangible. "He may have been the reason Bodelle shot Sonny."

Bri could hear the hatred in Rico's voice. Keeping the conversation volume low, he said, "Why blame someone else? As I understand it, Kym Bodelle shot Sonny. Surely, the blame lies completely with him?"

Rico sighed, "That's like blaming a tiger for attacking a man who's poking it with a stick. A nervous dealer will shoot at anything he feels is a threat. Don't get me wrong, Bodelle will go down for attempted murder. But someone put him and his thugs on edge that evening. That's the reason Sonny was shot."

**************************************************

"'...'A picture of some kind, I think,' said Mrs. Bantry. 'You know, Italian. I think it was a copy of a Bellini Madonna, but I'm not sure. A picture where the Virgin is holding up a laughing child.'....'" "The actress did it."

Rico looked up from the book, and Bri looked around from where he was checking the 'demand pump'. Rico had started reading Agatha Christie's 'The Mirror Crack'd From Side To Side' about an hour ago. Sonny had been lightly dozing under the influence of the morphine medication. This was the first time he had spoken since Rico had begun the 'Miss Marple' novel.

"Excuse me?" Rico looked astounded.

Sonny opened his eyes. "The actress did it."

Bri smiled as Rico asked, "Have you read this?"

"Nope."

"So how do you know?"

"'s obvious." His eyes drifted closed. He was tired and at the moment there was no pain. He liked to listen to Rico reading to him. Sometimes he would just lie and watch Rico. But just after he had had a dose of medication, he usually slept, drifting off to the sound of Rico's voice.

This time, however, he had just lain awake and listened to the story. And worked out who did it long before Miss Marple had even started to investigate.

As Sonny's eyes closed, Rico muttered jovially, "You're going to go to sleep now, aren't you?"

He felt Sonny squeeze his hand. "Please, keep reading."

Rico skipped to the last pages of the novel and read in silence for a moment. Then he looked back at his smiling partner. "How did you know?"

Sonny sighed. "The woman who died... she was ill when she went to see the actress... the baby was brain damaged 'cause the actress had been ill... the woman gave it to her."

Sonny's explanation was expectedly rough in his condition. But it was correct. Bri tapped Rico on the shoulder. "Is he right?"

Rico nodded, "Yeah."

Sonny's breathing lengthened as he slipped into sleep. Bri chuckled to himself. "Well, I guess there's nothing wrong with his mind."

Rico put the book down with feigned indignity.

It had been a difficult couple of days since the skin graft operation. Sonny had been in a lot of pain, complaining of severe 'burning' on his thigh and bottom. They had changed the wet, sterile dressings, on the two skin donor sites, every two hours, when they turned him. But it did not seem to help.

On one occasion, the night after the graft, Rico had woken in the middle of the night. He checked in on Sonny only to find him lying in the dark, silently crying in pain. Rico called a nurse, but there was nothing she could do to help. He still had an hour to go before he could have his next dose. She suggested that Rico stay with him until then. Rico had never considered doing anything else.

Rico pulled the chair close to Sonny's bed. He took Sonny's hand in his and held it to his lips, kissing it gently.

"Sonny. I know you're in pain, but I promise it'll be better soon."

"I'm tired...." His sobs were breaking Rico's heart. "I just want it all to go away...."

Rico stroked Sonny's hair. There was nothing he could do but be there. Sonny did not say anything more. His tears subsided as Rico's rhythmic stroking of Sonny's hair calmed him.

After a while, Sonny sniffed. Rico reached over to the side and took some tissues from the box. With infinite care, he wiped Sonny's eyes and put a tissue in his hand. Sonny weakly blew his nose. His eyes closed in exhaustion. Rico continued to stroke Sonny's hair as his breathing changed. He was not sleeping, but he was dozing, and that was better than nothing. The minutes ticked passed.

"Rico...."

"I'm here, Sonny."

"Read to me."

"Okay." He found the copy of 'At Bertrams Hotel' on the trolley. Still with Sonny's hand held gently in his, Rico started to read quietly.

Sonny did not sleep until after his next dose of morphine, but he rested. The flowing sounds of Rico's voice cradled him as it had when he had been trapped behind the door in his mind and, later, as he had huddled in the shadows.

Now, as he lay and listened to those gentle tones, Sonny found himself in his own mind once more. He looked back into the shadows behind to the closed door that loomed over him. He knew, somehow, that there would come a time that he would have to go back to the door, and open it. But he knew also that Rico would be there with him when he did. For now, he was content just to stay in the light.

After that night, although Sonny still continued to be in a lot of pain, his condition started to improve dramatically.

Now Rico sat reading the rest of 'The Mirror Cracked...' silently to himself. Sonny was sleeping, comfortable now that the pain from the skin graft sites had become bearable.

Bri pulled up a chair next to Rico, turned it and straddled it, resting his arms on the back. "Rico, I need to talk to you about... a delicate subject."

Rico closed the book and looked at the doctor. "Sure."

"You have to tell me if I'm way off on this. I think I'm right, but I could just be imagining things. I guess." He looked nervous and Rico shrugged.

"What is it?"

Fielding took a deep breath. "Sonny will have to be tested again for HIV and AIDS in six months' time, and again in another six. He was given a lot of blood when he was admitted and there is a small risk of contamination with each unit and he had to be given so many. Obviously, we take all the precautions that we can. And I've read the medical records for both of you - I know you were both negative at your last test three months ago. I just wanted to warn you...."

Rico finished the sentence for him, "...to be careful."

"Yes."

Rico nodded. "Okay."

Bri stood up, unsure if the subject really had been covered. He reasoned that Rico was an intelligent man, he was not going to take any unnecessary risks. He changed the subject.

"We're starting to come under pressure from the insurance company to transfer Sonny to a normal room. Waltham has some sway with them and he doesn't wasn't Sonny moved for another few days. So it'll probably be next Monday or Tuesday. He'll remain here in the trauma unit and I've arranged for him to have a private room. I though both of you might appreciate it."

Rico nodded. "Thanks. Not just for that, but for everything."

"It's okay, honestly. I just hope I'm helping to make this slightly easier for you. The doctors' facilities will still be available for you. I know if we threw you out at night you'd only sleep in your car." Rico smiled.

Bri put the chair back in the corner and headed for the door. "I'll let you finish your book."


	4. "There's nothing you can do when you're next in line..."

Sonny simply watched Rico as his partner read aloud to him. He was eternally grateful for Rico just being here with him.

Sonny had been transferred out of the intensive care unit on Tuesday morning. Bri admitted that he could not believe they had come this far in just over three weeks. For someone who was not expected to make it through the first night, Sonny had made remarkable progress.

He still hurt. Sometimes the muscle spasms, and the hypersensitivity caused by the nerve trauma, left Sonny in excruciating pain. But the only time he ever complained was to Rico and even that was rare. Sonny did not want to burden Rico further. He felt it was unfair that so much had fallen on Rico's shoulders during all this. He was so damned dependent - needy all the time, it seemed. So he remained silent during the worst of the painful episodes. Even to the nurses when they bathed him - which he hated - he was as courteous as he could be under the circumstances.

Sonny had been taken off the morphine pump and now his meds were administered by injection. Bri had promised that in a few days they would offer him the option of taking the pain-med orally. There were advantages and disadvantages to the oral meds. The injections were extremely fast acting, but they meant Sonny felt like a pin-cushion after awhile and they tended to wear off faster. While the effect of the oral meds lasted longer, they also took longer to take effect.

Now it was Wednesday night and they were waiting for the nurse to come and give Sonny his last medication of the day. The current book was "Sleeping Murder", and Rico figured that he must be tired because it was beginning to get to him slightly. The plot was revolving around a woman who had just moved into a house and was supervising the improvements. But the old house was familiar to her, even though she swore she had never been there before, and whatever improvements she tried to make, someone had been there before her.

Rico had become so engrossed in the book, that the nurse's arrival startled him. Sonny winced as the injection was administered. He hated needles. Once the nurse had gone again (they had given up asking Rico to leave long ago), Rico put the book down and reached out to stroke Sonny's hair. His partner's hand was already beginning to relax. "Good night, Sonny." Carefully, he leaned over and kissed Sonny's forehead. "Sweet dreams."

Sonny's breathing lengthened into its sleeping rhythm. Rico stood. He usually tried to get some sleep now. Sonny would sleep until 5-5:30. Rico would be back then.

Tomorrow saw the start of the Bravara case. Rico had explained to Sonny that would only be away from him for a few hours. That Stan would be here. Sonny would not be alone. He had seemed to understand.

Rico knew Sonny hated being in here. He hated being bathed by the nurses every morning. The catheter had finally been removed a couple of days after the skin graft. Sonny had more than appreciated that little favour. He had little privacy as it was. He badgered Bri constantly to be allowed to use the shower, complaining the bed baths were demeaning. Sonny was trying to hang on to the shreds of pride he still possessed. But it was not easy.

He was firmly on the road to physical recovery. But he was also fighting an enormously daunting battle with his emotions, his fears and the ever present threat of depression. The best Rico could do for Sonny was to be there for him. He tried to reassure Sonny as often as possible that he would *always* be there for him. Rico prayed he was strong enough for the both of them.

**************************************************

Rico woke suddenly. He glanced at his watch. 1:57 am. He tried to think what had woken him. An image flashed to mind. Pink gloves. He remembered reading about pink gloves in that novel, 'Sleeping Murder'. After everything he had been through, and everything he had seen, he was having nightmares about an Agatha Christie novel. Rico shook his head. He must be losing it.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. The doctors' lounge was empty. The hospital must be busy tonight. He thought about Sonny. His partner would surely still be sleeping, but now Rico was awake, he might as well go and check on him.

Sonny's room was dark. From the light in the corridor, Rico could make out that Sonny was still lying with his back to the door, just as he had been when Rico had left him sleeping. But he was not asleep. Rico had spent so long with Sonny while he slept, while he was awake, while he was in pain. The different sounds of his breathing were imprinted in Rico's mind forever. He was awake, and he was crying.

Rico moved into the room, letting the door close. The only light now came from the street lights below, through the semi-shuttered blinds. "Sonny." Rico sat down at the head of Sonny's bed and captured his partner's hand in his, gently stroking his hair. "Sonny, tell me what's wrong? Do you want me to get the nurse?"

Sonny moved his head, "Rico...."

"I'm here." Rico gently touched Sonny's cheek. He could feel the wetness of Sonny's tears. "Are you in pain?"

Sonny moved his head again. "No...." Sonny's fingers closed around Rico's hand. "I'm scared.... I'm so confused... can't think clearly...."

Rico ached for his partner. "It's the medication...."

"No... can't remember things.... Why can't I remember?"

"It's going to take time, Sonny. But you will remember."

Sonny's sobs became more intense, rocking his body. Rico was at a loss for what to do. He wanted so desperately to make it all better. He loved Sonny. He told his partner that he loved him, but those words only seemed to intensify Sonny's tears. Suddenly, inexplicably, he pulled right away from Rico's touch.

"Sonny, what's wrong? What can I do to make it okay?"

But Sonny didn't answer him. Instead, he seemed to curl in on himself, as if trying to comfort himself with his own warmth. Rico stood. Sonny thought he was leaving; he turned his face into the pillows. His whole body was shaking.

But Rico was not leaving. He sat up on the bed. Then gently he lifted Sonny's head and shoulders until Sonny's blond hair fell across Rico's legs. Almost instantly he felt the dampness of his partner's tears as they soaked through his sweatpants.

Ensuring he was not disturbing the ever-present IV lines, Rico began stroking Sonny's hair. Quietly, he started talking, soothing words of comfort and love. He told Sonny how much he loved him. Reassured him that he was going to be all right. Everything was going to be okay.

After a while, Sonny swallowed hard. "I love you so much Rico.... Why can't I remember what happened between us? I've tried, but nothing comes." Sonny paused. "I just know that I love you. It feels right. Ever since the Cintaro ca--" His voice choked off.

Rico actually thought his heart had stopped beating. He felt his breath catch in his throat. Sonny had gone absolutely still in his arms. Oh, God....

In a panic, Sonny frantically tried to push away from Rico. His sudden movements sent agonizing spasms down his back and legs. Even in the semi-darkness of Sonny's room Rico could see the horror in Sonny's eyes. Oh, God, no. It was happening now. Sonny was remembering. Rico could almost see the memories replaying themselves in his partner's mind.

Rico had to do something and he had to do it now. There was no time to plan this. Sonny's eyes began to glaze over as he continued to stare in abject terror at Rico. "Sonny." He raised his voice. He had to get Sonny's attention. "Stop. Listen to me."

Sonny's respiration was quick and shallow. He would hyperventilate if Rico could not calm him. "You're remembering Cintaro. Marcus Cintaro. We spent one night at his house undercover. He was a porn dealer. There was a party." He heard Sonny gasp as another spasm shot through him. He was still trying to pull away from Rico, but there was nowhere to go. He was precariously balanced on the edge of the bed with painful tremors sweeping through him.

Rico swung his feet to the floor, giving Sonny room on the bed. He never took his eyes off his partner. "Stay with me, Sonny."

Rico perched on the edge of the mattress and watched as Sonny shifted position until he was again on his side, leaning against the pillows. When he had tried to help, Sonny had flinched. "Sonny." He was not even sure if Sonny was really hearing him. "Stay with me. Tell me what you're remembering."

"Hands...." Sonny's voice had taken on a hysterical edge. "Hands touching me... touching... hurting me... Oh God.... Rico - no...." Rico knew his time was running out. He had to get Sonny's attention. He had to stop his partner from withdrawing from him. He tried to explain. He desperately tried to make Sonny understand what had happened.

Sonny's world had begun to crumble. His small piece of warmth and safety was being torn to shreds. His lifeline, his anchor - the only person that he had thought he could trust completely - had hurt him. Rico had told him over and over that he loved him. Then how could he have hurt him? He'd....

Rico had been here with him, through all the darkness and the pain, Rico had stayed with him. His partner had held his hand, soothed him with gentle caresses. His voice had provided a bright link with the world when all else seemed filled with darkness and hurt. He loved Rico. He was certain of that much. The feeling was still there. Even now that love burned brightly. No, it didn't make sense. Rico had hurt him. Rico had - raped him....

Why...?

Why...?

**************************************************

Rico roamed restlessly through the hospital corridors. For the last twenty-four hours, he had been with Sonny almost continuously. He had stared into the blankness of Sonny's eyes as he had explained over and over what had happened. When Fielding had suggested that he try reading to Sonny as well - Sonny had found it to be soothing in the past - Rico had done that too. But Sonny was catatonic. Rico was lost without Sonny responding to him.

Fielding was convinced that Sonny was still there. That he was trying to absorb all that he had remembered along with the explanations Rico had given. It was a lot to have to adjust to. There was a lot of pain to deal with. If Sonny still was unresponsive after thirty hours, they would call in a psychologist. But the doctor seemed certain that Sonny just needed time, and something to hold on to.

Rico had been devastated. The Bravara trial has slipped his mind. Stan had arrived to sit with Sonny, and found Rico still there. A short time later, Castillo had arrived, absolutely furious, but Rico had hardly heard him. He had stood still for the speech and then turned and gone back into Sonny's room. He did not know what had happened about the trial. He simply did not care.

Apparently, Fielding had explained the situation to Castillo. Rico did not care about that either.

In actuality, Bri had run into Castillo before the Lieutenant had found Rico. Angry had not come close to describing the Lieutenant's mood. Ballistic would have been closer. Fielding had practically ordered the man to sit down in his office. Bri had no doubt whatsoever about exactly where Rico should be - had to be. Abandoning Sonny now was out of the question. He needed to hear Rico talking to him, reading to him - the same as Rico had done before.

So Castillo's eerily quiet fury at Tubbs' failure to testify at court had not impressed Fielding. The welfare of his patient was the only thing that mattered at the moment.

"He should have been there. Bravara's going to walk."

"I'm sorry, Lieutenant. At the moment, I wouldn't even trust Rico to be able to drive safely." Bri saw something flicker in the man's eyes. "His partner - the man he loves - is currently catatonic. All because of something that happened between the two of them. Something that Rico feels totally responsible for." Again he saw something flicker in Castillo's expression. Somewhere in Castillo's brain, the doctor's words, "...the man he loves..." had registered.

Bri was continuing. "I know Sonny's still there - somewhere inside his own mind. He needs to hear Rico's voice because that's his anchor since this whole nightmare began. If you take that away from him, we could lose Sonny for a long time - maybe forever."

"It's one thing for Rico to leave the room for a coffee, it's something entirely different for him to be absent for hours and hours. Sonny will notice. He's not going to rationalize and understand that Rico's gone to court. All he's going to know is that Rico isn't there. After a while, he's going to believe that Rico's abandoned him. That he's left him alone - forever. Can you imagine how that would feel?"

"Rico is all Sonny has at the moment, Lieutenant. In his mind, he's beyond terrified. He's remembered, God knows how much, of an incident where the one man he trusts the most in his whole world hurt him. He's trying to absorb that and understand it."

It was difficult to tell, with Castillo's normally stoic exterior, if he was getting through or not. "I know you care for Sonny. I also know that this nightmare has cost you a great deal. But right now, Sonny needs Rico more than any trial does. Whatever Bravara did, Sonny is more important."

Bri fell silent. For a moment, he thought he was going to find out exactly how Martin Castillo worked his way up through the ranks to become a Lieutenant. But Castillo knew that Fielding was right; he was a fair man. He simply nodded. "Can I see Sonny?"

"Right now, I don't think that would be a good idea. But go ahead and speak with Rico. I'm certain you need to. Just remember, please, what I said. Rico really doesn't have much of a choice at the moment."

**************************************************

Rico had only left Sonny's room because Fielding had ordered him to take a short break. He was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. He had not slept in over a day. His throat was starting to hurt from the constant talking and reading aloud.

**************************************************

In the cold darkness of his mind, Sonny cowered in the shadows in front of the door. He wanted to go back inside. He no longer wanted to be out here. He felt so alone now. But the door had refused to open. So he had curled into a ball, as close to the door as he could. Somewhere far away, he could still hear Rico's voice. He was telling him things. Some of what filtered through made sense, some did not mean anything but pain. Sometimes he heard Rico reading to him. He yearned to feel the comfort that the sound used to bring, but he could not.

At first, he had wanted to shut out the voice. But a small part of him wanted to listen. It wanted to understand what Rico was saying. And as he listened, he started to remember....

**************************************************

Rico had accidentally wandered into the pediatrics wing. He was about to leave when something caught his eye. A tattered book was lying on the table in the waiting area. Margery Williams' 'The Velveteen Rabbit'. Rico remembered his mother reading it to him when he was a child.

He picked up the book and leafed through it. There was a 'nursery magic Fairy' in the book. She made everything all right for the Rabbit. His throat tightened as he wished he could do the same for Sonny. He wanted to take away the pain and the bad memories and make everything okay. He took the book with him as he headed back to Sonny's room.

"...'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse,'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly,except to people who don't understand.'" Rico paused. How could a children's book be so right about everything? About life?

"'I suppose *you* are Real?' said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled." Rico had to swallow against the tightness in his throat.

"'The Boy's Uncle made me Real,' he said. 'That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.'"

"Real?"

Rico looked up from the book. Sonny had spoken. For the first time in more than a day, Sonny had spoken. Rico held his breath as Sonny slowly focused on him. His eyes were filled with tears. "I don't think I know what's real anymore." He still sounded scared, but the hysteria was gone. "Am I real? Is this the real me? Are you real, Rico?" He watched as Rico set the book down and stood up from the window sill he had been using as a seat.

"Is love real?" Sonny did not flinch when Rico came over and sat on the edge of the bed. "Can you love me as I am now? I'm not the same person I was before all of this. I don't feel like *me*. And that terrifies me." Sonny took a breath and Rico could hear the shudder in it. "Can you love this scarred body - this dependent shell of who I was? What if I never get back the old me? Can you still want me like you did that night we kissed?"

"Sonny...." Rico reached for Sonny's hand, deeply grateful that Sonny was not flinching at his touch. "Of course, I still love you. Don't ever imagine that I don't love you, or that I don't want you. It's never going to happen."

He touched his lips to Sonny's fingers. "You remember us kissing...." Rico felt his own tears sliding down his cheeks.

"Yeah.... Things are a lot clearer now." He tried to smile. "Cintaro... raped me. I remember that. Then later you held me; like you've held me through this.... Thank you."

Rico turned his head slightly, and kissed the palm of Sonny's hand. "I love you, Sonny. I will always love you. Whatever it takes; whatever we have to go through to make this better, I'll be here with you. I promise."

Sonny's eyes closed, but he still clung tightly to Rico's hand. Fielding found them like that only a short time later. Motioning for Rico to stay where he was, Bri leaned over and asked, "Sonny. Do you want something for the pain?"

Rico had lost track of time, but it was after three on Friday morning. Sonny had had only a small dose of medication several hours earlier. Some of Sonny's tears were falling because of the pain, Rico realized. He should have thought of it sooner. But there had been so much to worry about, and he was so exhausted.

Sonny nodded. Fielding readied the hypodermic and injected Sonny with the fast-working medication. Sonny slipped into a deep sleep only minutes later.

Fielding turned to Rico. In a quiet whisper, he ordered, "You. Lie down. Be careful. Mind the IV lines. Don't press against him." Then with a tired twinkle in his eye, he added, "And don't tell the nurse it was my idea."

In his exhaustion, it took a moment for Rico to understand just what Bri had said. He eventually realized that Bri meant for him to lie down here, with Sonny. Too tired to even think clearly, he kicked off his shoes and very carefully slipped under the sheets behind Sonny, still aware of how fragile his partner was. He gently wrapped one arm over Sonny, avoiding the IV lines. He felt his partner stir slightly and snuggle against him. Eventually, Rico fell asleep in the warmth of Sonny's body, listening to his quiet breaths.

**************************************************

When Nurse Sheedy opened the door shortly after seven that morning, what she saw stopped her in her tracks. The sight that befell her broke almost every hospital regulation; it was definitely a surprise, but most of all it warmed her. She signaled for the other nurse to come and see. They stood there for a moment, just inside the room.

"That's so sweet."

Sheedy nodded. "How am I ever going to be cross with him - when all I want to do is hug both of them?" She sighed. "I think this is the first time Sonny's slept past 5:30." The other nurse nodded in sympathy. They were all aware of the excruciatingly painful episodes that Sonny Crockett would experience once his meds wore off. But he never took it out on the nurses or the aides. In fact, they had rarely heard him complain about any of it except to his friend and some to Dr. Fielding. Too bad most of their patients did not practice the same sort of self-discipline.

She moved round to the foot of the bed, and loudly cleared her throat. Rico snapped awake and it only took a second to remember where he was - in bed with Sonny. He smiled to himself before flashing his most charming smile to the nurse. Rico turned his attention to Sonny. His partner was still asleep, pillowed against Rico's length. He tried to disengage himself without disturbing Sonny, but he woke the moment Rico's warmth was taken away. Rico felt him stiffen.

"Sonny, you okay?"

"Yeah. The drugs have worn off. That's all." Although Sonny tried to keep his voice light, Rico could hear the pain beneath. "Thank you."

"Any time." Rico leaned over and gently kissed Sonny's neck. Sonny smelt of antiseptic and rubbing alcohol, but to Rico it smelt of safety and healing.

"Sonny." Nurse Sheedy walked around to the side of the bed. She handed him two pills and a small plastic cup of water. He took his pills silently. Sheedy smiled at him. "Is there anything else you need?"

Sonny said that there wasn't.

**************************************************

Half an hour later, Fielding arrived. Rico looked much better, and he suggested that while he examined Sonny, Rico might like to talk to his boss. Lieutenant Castillo had arrived at 7:00 am. Bri had seen him as he himself had arrived, and they had talked over coffee in the canteen. "He isn't angry, but I think I said some things yesterday that I maybe shouldn't have said. I'm sorry."

"How's Sonny?"

Rico sat down at the table in the canteen. "He's only just woken. But I think he's going to be okay." Even though four hours sleep was nowhere near enough to catch up on what he had lost, Rico felt like he was glowing. Something special had happened between he and Sonny last night. Sonny had remembered the kiss. He had confirmed that he still wanted Rico. He still loved him even after he remembered about Cintaro.

Rico was certain that it was not the end of it, but it was progress. He felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Even the coffee tasted drinkable this morning. "I'm sorry about the trial, Lieutenant."

"It's over. Bravara walked."

Not even this news could darken Rico's mood. Bravara would be back. They always seemed to get another shot at these people.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I spoke to Doctor Fielding. Sonny needed you here."

They drank in silence for a while. Finally, Castillo asked, "What happened at the Cintaro place?"

Rico thought about simply saying that it was over and no longer mattered. But he owed Castillo one now. "Cintaro found out we were cops. Before Travellyan could do anything, Cintaro raped Sonny. Something must have snapped in Travellyan's head, because he shot Cintaro while the bastard was doing it."

Marty absorbed this. He looked straight into Rico's eyes. "What happened between you and Sonny?"

Rico looked down at his coffee. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant. I can't tell you that. It's not my decision alone. I have to respect Sonny's wishes. He'll tell you, if and when he's ready. He's the one you have to ask."

**************************************************

Monday morning

Sonny was looking around his room, curious from his new vantage point. On Saturday, the last of the stitches from the skin graft had been removed. Today, he was sitting up for the first time in a month. Fielding had warned him not to overtax himself. If he tired, he was to recline the bed flat and rest. Rico was sitting beside him, feigning interest in his book, trying not to look as amazingly happy as he felt.

Fielding had just examined him, and everything was healing as it should. Sonny had been placed on a semi-solids diet, and finally the last of the IV lines had been removed. The needles had left ugly bruises in his flesh, and Sonny was warned that his arm would feel very sore for several days. Fielding could almost hear the words "just like the rest of me, then?" being uttered. But Sonny remained silent as he always did.

After twenty minutes of being prodded and poked, Sonny had been relieved when Bri finally pulled the sheet up over him and had allowed Rico back into the room. Fielding sat in the chair smiling. "So Sonny, would you like the good news or the bad news?"

"Bad news."

"It's bath time."

Sonny snorted. "What's the good news?"

"How would you like a shower?"

Sonny's face lit up and Bri held up a warning hand. "Warm water not hot. If you feel the slightest bit of discomfort or get too tired, you turn the shower off and call the nurse. Immediately. Promise me, you will?"

"I promise." Fielding got the distinct impression that Sonny would have promised to sell his soul for this, but he could not stand much more of Sonny badgering him, and his patient was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Okay."

It was a complicated process. Sonny had to be practically lifted into the wheelchair by Rico and Fielding. His regular physiotherapy, although still passive, had kept his joints limber and his muscles loosened. He had, however, lost much of his strength. Fielding had almost suggested that they wait a few days - let Sonny regain a bit more strength - before the shower, but one look at the determination in Sonny's eyes stopped him.

Waltham's influence had secured Sonny a private room with a private en-suite bathroom. Bri had said something about Ben calling in a favour. It was best not to inquire too deeply.

Sonny sat naked on the shower seat as the warm water softly fell on his body. It was the most amazing, wonderful sensation. Fielding had gone to check on his other patients, and Rico had gone to grab some breakfast. Nurse Sheedy had been informed, when she had come in to give Sonny his bath, what was happening. Sonny had the call button in the shower, if anything happened, or he needed something, he need only press it and a nurse would be there. He felt safe and happy as he started to lather himself.

**************************************************

Rico wandered back into Sonny's room about twenty minutes later. The shower was still running. He was immediately concerned. Sonny should have been finished long ago. "Sonny? Are you okay?"

He knocked on the door of the bathroom, but there was no reply. Worried, he pushed the door open and stepped inside. "Sonny?"

Sonny was still sitting in the shower, although now he was leaning against the wall, visibly shaking - with fatigue, Rico was certain. "Sonny, come on. Let me help you out."

Sonny looked up at Rico, momentarily embarrassed. But what had he left to hide? Rico had probably seen it all before anyway. It seemed like most of the doctors and nurses in this hospital had. He looked away.

"No." Sonny's voice was rough with raw emotion. This was important to him. He needed to do this. Once in the shower, Sonny had quickly realized that he was not as strong or as able as he had assumed himself to be. He had managed to wash himself, but was too exhausted to shampoo his hair. He had not wanted to call the nurse, he desperately wanted to hang onto the last shreds of his pride. So he had waited, waited to see if he could recover enough strength to finish his shower alone. He had not.

"I just have to wash my hair. I can manage."

"Sonny, you can't expect to do everything immediately. You're exhausted."

"I just want to finish...."

Rico sighed. "Okay. If you won't come out, I'm coming in."

Sonny looked at Rico in amazement as his partner kicked off his shoes and stepped fully clothed into the shower. Rico took the shampoo bottle, poured some into his palm, and moved behind Sonny. "Rico.... What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm helping you, Sonny. I want you to be happy. Whatever it takes."

Sonny felt Rico's gentle fingers rub the shampoo into his scalp and hair. He closed his eyes. The overwhelming need to finish his shower by himself was quickly replaced by the feeling of being loved by the man standing behind him.

Rico massaged the lotion into Sonny's soft hair. He was being as careful as possible. He was not going to cause Sonny any further pain. It occurred to him that he was in the shower with Sonny. This was the first time he had really seen his partner's naked body. It wasn't the same as getting brief glimpses when the nurses had been turning Sonny. The scarring on his abdomen and waist was horrific. Rico understood from Fielding that it would also be quite sensitive for a while.

Sonny had lost a lot of weight, weight he really could not afford to lose. He looked smaller somehow, vulnerable. Rico desperately wanted to protect him from all the pain and fear that was still to come. He knew in reality he couldn't. But he could be there for Sonny, make him happy and help him to feel safe.

Rico thought that Sonny was gorgeous. He still had a wonderful tan, although it was beginning to fade after being in hospital for a month. He had always like the deep colour of Sonny's body. He savoured the sensation of Sonny's wet hair through his fingers. But he noticed that Sonny was beginning to shiver. He was cold and it was time to get him warm and dry. So Rico rinsed the last of the shampoo from Sonny's head. He leaned over and turned the water off.

Rico stepped out and handed Sonny the towel. His partner still looked exhausted, and Rico was soaking wet. He lifted his shirt over his head before helping Sonny by drying his hair for him. Once Sonny was dressed in a fresh hospital gown, Rico called Nurse Sheedy to help get Sonny back into bed.

As they lifted Sonny between them onto the bed, he closed his eyes. Rico would have sworn that, for just a moment, Sonny got heavier. Sonny hated this. He hated having everything done for him. He was grateful for his partner's help in the shower, but he felt so dependant on Rico. It was terrifying. He did not want to live like this. He just wanted to be able to do everything he used to.

Nurse Sheedy did not say a word as Rico left to change his wet clothing. She made certain Sonny was comfortable and watched his eyes slip closed. He was on his side, it was still too uncomfortable to stay on his back for any length of time. Quietly, she left him to rest.

Sonny was still asleep when Rico returned in dry clothing. He was relieved that Stan had thought to always bring in two sets, just in case. He took his seat by Sonny's bed and picked up his book.

An hour or so later, the door opened. Gina and Stan were there smiling. In his arms, Stan held a huge white teddy bear. Rico stood and gave Gina a big hug.

"How is he?"

"He had an exhausting morning, but he's doing much better."

Rico looked questioningly over at Stan and the bear.

"His name's Poirot. And this is Elvis, Jr." From behind the bear he produced a small, overly hairy, cuddly alligator. We thought Sonny might be missing his pet."

Rico chuckled, "Oh, I'm sure he'll love them both!"

They approached Sonny's bed, and he opened his eyes. "Hi."

Gina crouched down by him. "Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Okay. Thanks." He shifted to sit up, but the pain-med was wearing off. Gina could see the pain in his eyes.

"Don't. It's okay."

Stan sat 'Poirot' in the chair in the corner of the room. He handed the alligator to Sonny. Sonny's fingers played in its fur, making Rico smile. Fielding had mentioned that traumatized patients, like Sonny, needed to feel safe and secure. The doctor had said that cuddly toys sometimes helped, even for grown men, even for Sonny, because all the fear and the pain were still with him. And it would be a long while before they went away.

Sonny simply said, "Thank you."

Stan motioned to Rico. "Can we get a coffee? I need to talk to you."

"Sure."

Rico reassured Sonny that he would not be gone long. But Sonny just looked exhausted. All he wanted to do was sleep and entertaining was not on the agenda this morning. Gina really did not mind just sitting with Sonny. She, too, could only feel enormously relieved and happy that Sonny was finally recovering.

"What's up?"

Stan dropped a file on to the table in front of Rico. "We may have a problem. I.A.D. picked up Roger Travellyan last night after an anonymous tip-off. Strohe's got the case."

Rico sighed and picked up the brown file. It contained a copy of the arrest warrant, along with some surveillance photographs. There was a couple of Travellyan with Bodelle, one or two of him with Cintaro. And one taken at the party he and Sonny had been at. It was a perfect shot, of Sonny and Rico on the balcony, talking to Travellyan.

"Oh God.... There was surveillance on him when we went undercover."

"There's more. Strohe's found out that your report on the Cintaro case is classified. He's digging. He'll undoubtedly get access to the report, and then to the medical files concerning Sonny's last stay in here." Stan saw the growing concern in Rico's eyes.

"Now, I know there's nothing he can nail on you two, but I also know he hates Sonny's guts. He'll drag everything into the open, just for the sake of it. He'll get involved in the Bodelle case and maybe even bring something up in court. Strohe could try to force Sonny to testify about Bodelle - and about the Dome." Rico had clenched his fists and his knuckles had turned white.

"I know Sonny's memory of the last few months is pretty sketchy. But even with the doctors confirming that Sonny just doesn't remember some events, I don't think Strohe's gonna buy it." Stan heard the bitterness in his own voice. He hated Strohe and he didn't want to see Sonny hurt or embarrassed. "He's gonna keep pushing. Someone said he'd already mentioned coming here to get a statement from Sonny."

Rico's eyes shone with stony determination. "Just let him try it."

**************************************************

Sonny lay on his back with Groggy in his hands. Rico had not ever thought of Sonny as the cuddly-toy type, but Sonny had named the alligator once Stan and Gina had left. He had said it was how he felt - Groggy.

Sonny was quiet, rhythmically stroking the green plush fur of the alligator. Rico was quickly becoming used to these moods. He was quite content to sit and read silently. Sometimes Sonny simply needed to try to work things through for himself. Today, however, Sonny seemed to want to talk about something, but could not broach the subject.

Finally, Rico set aside 'The Body In The Library', and moved to sit on the edge of Sonny's bed. "You okay, Partner?"

Sonny stopped fiddling with the alligator and looked up at Rico. "I don't like them seeing me like this."

Rico was caught off guard. "Who?"

"Stan, Gina, the people who knew me... before."

Rico thought for a moment before something caught his eye. He took Sonny's left hand in his. Then sliding his hand up to Sonny's wrist, he thumbed the hospital i.d. bracelet around until the print was visible. He read, aloud, "James 'Sonny' Crockett (Detective)."

Rico looked up into Sonny's eyes. "That's you, Sonny. That's who you were before all this happened. And that's who you still are. We still love you and respect you as much as we ever did before. Your friends are just happy that you're still here and that you're gonna be okay. I'm happy too. There's no reason to be ashamed or uncomfortable."

Sonny nodded silently. Then he picked up Groggy, and still holding Rico's hand, he waved the stuffed toy around.

Rico watched him. There was so much going on inside of Sonny's mind. Memories and feelings were still sorting themselves out - at times crowding each other for Sonny's attention. Sometimes Sonny simply needed something to distract him and take his mind off everything else. Fielding had warned Rico that Sonny was bound to have mood swings and be vulnerable to displays of emotion. Basically, Sonny was in mourning. He was grieving the loss of his life - not literally, but in the sense that for sometime to come he would not be able to do all that he had once been accustomed to. In many ways, Sonny was a different person - weak, vulnerable, dependant, scared. All things that Sonny had never thought of as being a part of him. Now, he had to learn to deal with it. And Rico could only be there for him - being quietly supportive and loving.

Sonny's physical therapy was progressing. He hated having the nurses and the physiotherapist manipulating his body for him. He hated the loss of control. He had always done everything for himself. Even when events in his life had run away with him, he had still had control of his body. Now he was forced to depend on others to do simple basic things for him. Basic, personal things that needed to be done, but as far as Sonny was concerned, they were things that should have been his business only.

Then there was the pain. He suffered through periods of agonizing muscle spasms. And sometimes the scar tissue on his back and stomach was so sensitive that it was difficult to have anything touching those damaged areas.

Doctor Fielding had explained that nerve trauma was causing the spasms and the hypersensitivity. He assured Sonny that it would lessen as time passed. It was simply going to be a while before Sonny could expect to be pain free. He was going to need to be patient.

Sonny squeezed Rico's hand. "You should go back to work. You don't have to hang around here every day. You must be so bored with all this... with me."

Rico shook his head. "Don't ever think that, Sonny. I love you. I couldn't be anywhere else."

Sonny squeezed his eyes shut as he felt tears starting. Finally, he pulled his hand from Rico's and wiped at his eyes. "I'm sorry." He looked up at Rico with evident embarrassment. "Sometimes I just can't seem to help it.... I feel so miserable."

Rico sat quietly, rubbing Sonny's arm. "It's all right. It's natural. Okay?"

A knock at the door startled them. Sonny quickly tried to dry his eyes. A vaguely familiar face peeked around the door. "Sonny?"

"Joey?" Rico looked up. The young detective, whose life Sonny and Rico had saved, walked into the room carrying three large cardboard boxes that he dumped to the floor.

"Is this an okay time?"

Sonny nodded. Joey Hardin shook Rico's out-stretched hand and patted Sonny on the shoulder. He could see the wet tracks on Sonny's cheeks, but he ignored them out of understanding.

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to get to see you earlier. I won't stay long."

"Thanks for coming anyway." Sonny smiled warmly at his friend. "How are you?"

"Fine, thanks to you. So," he bent down and opened the first box, "I brought you some stuff that you can't possibly be without in this place. Believe me, I know."

Rico grinned as Joey handed Sonny a personal cd player and headphones. When Joey had been in the hospital after being shot, Sonny had bought him a new 'boom box' and collection of cds.

Joey reached into the second box and produced a handful of compact disks. All Sonny's favourites, no heavy metal. Then he leaned down and pulled out a portable television. The bottom box contained a video player. "Battery operated, just get someone to recharge these babies every two days. Or," he rooted around the bottom of the box, "if you can find a plug handy just use the adapter." Joey set the adapter cords on top of the unit.

Sonny watched open-mouthed as Joey and Rico set the equipment up on a trolley. Finally, he stammered out, "I don't know what to say...." "Sonny, you and Rico saved my life. Without you, I wouldn't be standing here. This is the least I can do."

Rico left the two men alone for a while. He wanted to go over to OCB and make sure there was nothing he was supposed to have done. Normally he would not have considered going and leaving Sonny. But Joey promised to stay until Rico returned.

Joey tuned the television in as best as he could. Then he sat on the side of Sonny's bed.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

Joey frowned, "You don't have to lie to me, man. I know what's it's like in these places." Joey had never been particularly subtle. "You know you look pretty good for somebody who should be dead."

Sonny regarded him questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"Don't you know?"

"Know what?"

"Oh man. According to Stan Sweitek, your chances of surviving your first night here were about 1 in 500. They're calling you a 'minor miracle' over at Metro Dade."

Sonny almost blushed. But he fell silent, absorbing the information. Joey reached out and touched his arm. "Sonny. I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have told you."

"No, it's... it's okay." He looked up at Joey. "Do you know what happened to me?"

Joey nearly said that he did. But suddenly he was not sure that Sonny should be told, or if he should be the one to do it. He remembered Sonny telling him how close he was to his partner. 'Rico has never let me down. Never.' He remembered Sonny's words to this day. Trust your partner. Because that's all there is. "Ask Rico. He'll be able to tell you the actual truth. I only know what I've heard and these things tend to be exaggerated."

Sonny knew Joey was backing down. But that was okay. Maybe he would ask Rico.

**************************************************

"'A very obscure message, as you can see....'"

"Rico...."

Rico put down the book. He had been reading by the light coming from the street-lamps below. The rest of the room was in darkness. In less than an hour, the nurse would be in with Sonny's last meds of the day. Then, ready or not, he would be asleep within half an hour.

"Are you okay?"

Sonny nodded. He reached for Rico's hand. "Rico. I need to know what happened to me."

Rico was not sure that he understood. "When?"

"The night I was shot. I don't remember any of it. The last thing I remember clearly is you and I kissing. And I know that was weeks before the shooting." He gripped Rico's hand tightly. "People keep mentioning this Bodelle, but I can't remember who he is...."

Rico sighed. "I don't know if you're ready for this."

But Sonny had made up his mind. He squeezed Rico's hand. "Please, Rico. Whenever I try to remember, to think about it - it's like a thick fog that I can't break through. This not knowing is scaring the hell out of me."

Rico was still not convinced. He studied Sonny for a moment. His partner was once again on his side, still the most comfortable position for him, and exhaustion was evident in his features. But there was pleading and determination there too. How could Rico refuse him?

"Okay. But if you want me to stop, just say 'stop'. Promise me that."

Sonny smiled. "I promise."

Rico explained how they had worked their way into Bodelle's organization, slowly and patiently. Not hurrying him to ensure he did not get suspicious. He had trusted them completely. There was a lot of backup that night because Bodelle was still highly unpredictable. Nothing was supposed to go wrong.

Rico held on tightly to Sonny's hand as he continued to describe what happened. As he started to tell about the night itself, he looked directly into Sonny's green eyes. "As we sat waiting in your car, we made plans for that evening. You said you'd cook for me." Sonny smiled.

"I was... excited." Rico continued. He felt his own heartbeat increasing. "I thought, maybe, we might take things... a bit further." Now the same anxiety that he had experienced over the last weeks, crept into his voice. "We met Bodelle on the docks. His men were edgy. I remember you kept looking at the slim one, making sure he wasn't gonna do anything stupid. Everything was goin' fine."

Rico realized he could hear a tremor in his own voice. "Then the skinny guy shouted something. I saw Bodelle pull his gun as I reached for mine. I looked at you...." In his mind's eye he saw it all replay again. He saw Sonny jerk as he was hit, blood erupting from him. He saw Sonny falling back off the dock and into the water below. "Bodelle shot you five times. One bullet went straight through and exited your back, as you know. One splintered against your spine." Rico pulled in a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

There was silence between them for a moment. When Sonny spoke, his voice was quiet. "Joey said I wasn't supposed to make it."

"When Castillo and I saw you in Recovery, Bri told us that you probably wouldn't make it through the night."

Gently, Sonny rubbed his thumb over Rico's hand. "I'm sorry you had to go through that." He whispered.

"You have nothing to apologize for." Rico interrupted. "You're here and you're going to be all right. That makes it all okay. That's all that matters."

The nurse came in to give Sonny his medication, and Sonny took it silently. They sat quietly, holding hands until Sonny started to drift off to sleep. Rico leaned down and gently kissed his partner's forehead. As he did so, Sonny lifted a hand and touched Rico's cheek.

For a moment, time froze. So close. Rico could feel Sonny's warm breath on his chin. Slowly, Rico moved his face downwards and, guided by Sonny's hand, he touched his lips to Sonny's. They kissed for a long moment, and when Rico pulled back, Sonny's eyes were shining. "I'm sorry I missed our date." Sonny whispered, reveling in their closeness. "I'd like to make it up to you, as soon as I can."

Rico nodded. "I love you Sonny."

Sonny's last waking breath told Rico that he loved him too. Finally, he fell asleep. Rico's fingers wrapped around one hand, Groggy safely caught in the other.

**************************************************

Over the next several days, Sonny endured hours of physical therapy and evaluations. His muscle strength, flexibility, balance and more were tested - sometimes beyond their limits. A timetable was drawn up for his rehabilitation. Weight training to regain strength included his arms, shoulders and upper body as well as his legs. Waltham had suggested that Sonny would benefit greatly from time in the whirlpool and swimming. The whirlpool would help relieve the stress he would be enduring and the pool would allow his muscles to slowly take over support without undue strain.

Ben had been impressed with Sonny's speedy recovery so far. He felt proud to have been a part of it. Now that Waltham was returning to Seattle, he wanted to ensure that the rest of Sonny's recuperation would be as rapid.

While the doctors, nurses and therapist sorted through what was best for him, Sonny suffered through long periods of utter exhaustion. He returned to his room, from the evaluations, completely drained and often in pain. Rico could only be there supporting him. He read to Sonny when asked, or simply held his hand as his partner slept.

At Rico's request, Gina had bought Sonny several of pairs of pajamas. Sonny did not possess any, usually he did not wear anything in bed. He was, however, eternally grateful when she brought them in. The hospital gowns were not at all dignified, and Sonny soon found himself more comfortable in the deep blue pajamas Gina had got for him, even though they were one size too large. She was shocked he had lost so much weight. Stan had brought his robe in for him, and had even found some slippers. And when he moaned that he looked like an old man in the footwear, Stan told him to be glad. They could have had fluffy pink rabbit ears on them.

**************************************************

One afternoon, Fielding was sitting on the edge of Sonny's bed as had become his habit. Sonny was seated, for the moment, in a wheelchair, listening to the doctor explain about the damage to his back. The bullet had not only torn muscles in its path, but in its exit had literally 'blown away' a chunk of muscle about the size of a fist, at the site of the skin graft.

The torn muscles had been sutured together and were healing well. But the missing muscle would never regenerate. The best that could be done was to strengthen the remaining muscle tissue and surrounding muscles to support Sonny's back properly. As a result, it would be a while before Sonny would walk unaided. For the moment, besides the careful weight training, the best therapy was swimming and using the whirlpool to relieve stress and spasms.

A knock on the door interrupted them and they turned toward it. Bri's eyes widened appreciatively as the long-legged lady stepped in. Bri leaned down near Sonny's ear, and whispered, "You certainly know some stunning people." Sonny smiled as Valerie took his outstretched hand into hers. She kissed his cheek. "When Stan told me what happened, I was shocked and scared. But I must say you're looking pretty good."

"I'm doing fine."

Bri shook his head in bemusement. This was the man he had just informed that there were weeks of physical therapy ahead before he would be getting back on his feet. The man who endured nearly constant pain and excruciating episodes to boot. He smiled to himself. He knew why all the nurses liked and admired Sonny. He rarely complained to them about anything. He never took his moods out on them. It was difficult not to admire the man.

Bri shook Val's hand when Sonny introduced them.

When Rico returned a short while later, his face lit up at the sight of Val standing there. He held her for a long moment in a tight hug. He closed his eyes as an unbidden thought flashed across his mind. What he really wanted to do was to hold Sonny this close. He wanted to feel his partner's arms around him. He wanted to squeeze Sonny tightly without the worry of hurting Sonny. Rico pushed the image away. He could wait. It would be all that much more special later.

From his wheelchair, Sonny watched them hug. He felt a slight twinge of jealousy. Val was the one person, Sonny feared, who could take Rico away from him.

They talked for a while, trying to catch up. Then Val turned to Rico and said that it was time he showed her *his* favourite sights of Miami. "We can make an afternoon of it."

"I'd really love to, Val. But - "

"Go ahead, Rico." Sonny interrupted. He knew his partner was about to tell Val no because he felt he should stay here with him. Despite his own fears, Sonny wanted Rico to have a break. "You deserve some time off."

"But I really - " "Get some fresh air." Sonny smiled his reassurances to his partner. "I believe there's a world out there still. Take this beautiful lady out for dinner. Enjoy yourselves." He caught Rico's eye. "Please."

With Valerie smiling hopefully on one side and his partner practically telling him to get lost for the rest of the day, Rico felt out numbered.

"Well, if you're really sure." He saw Sonny smile. "I'll be back later though." Valerie practically dragged him out the door.

Once they were gone, Fielding - who had stayed silent through it all - looked skeptically at Sonny. "Are you sure?"

Sonny looked at Bri, confused. "About what?"

"About him going."

"Of course. I'm okay."

Fielding had finished his rounds for the day and decided to check in on Sonny around dinner time. Sonny's tray was untouched and he was lying on his side with his eyes closed. He was too stiff; Bri knew he was not asleep.

With Sonny's back still being quite weak, sitting or even lying directly on it became painful after a long period of time. Lying on his side, in an almost fetal position, was Sonny's preferred position of rest. Bri sat carefully on the bed, noting the stuffed alligator hanging over the edge of the bed from Sonny's grasp.

There were deep lines of pain and exhaustion etched in Sonny's face. That morning's final evaluation had drained Sonny and now the meds were wearing off. "Sonny, are you okay?"

Bri saw how red Sonny's eyes were when he opened them. He realized Sonny had been crying and that it probably embarrassed him. It was difficult for him to accept the loss of control in his life - both physically and emotionally.

Bri sympathized with Sonny, his heart went out to him. He really wanted to help. He glanced at his watch and realized that Sonny would not be able to get another dose of pain-killer for a few more hours.

"Sonny, do you want to talk to me about it?"

Sonny closed his eyes and shook his head. It did not take much guessing on Bri's part to know what was wrong. Sonny was missing Rico.

"He'll be back soon."

As soon the words were said, the tears started to flow.

Sonny was thoroughly disgusted with himself. He was crying - again. God, it was embarrassing enough, but now he was doing it in front of Fielding. He took a deep breath, hoping to regain control. But it was no use and the breath just came out as a shuddering sob.

He felt so childish being this dependant on his partner all the time. But the truth of the matter was that he was missing Rico so much it hurt. Why did he feel so afraid and alone when Rico was not there with him? Finally, fed up, he launched Groggy across the room.

Shamed by his own sudden fit of pique, Sonny turned his face into the pillow. He was helpless to stop the sobs as they raked through his body. Rico had been gone so long. Sonny had never been the possessive sort. But he needed his partner at the moment, even if the damage to his body meant that Rico would no longer find him attractive. Sonny laughed at himself. How could Rico ever find this dependant, uncontrolled shell attractive?

Bri gently rubbed Sonny's arm through the sheet. "It's okay," he murmured. "It's natural. It's very human and you are, after all, only human."

After a time, Sonny's sobs slowed and then stopped. He looked up at Bri. "I'm sorry. Sometimes it all gets to be too much."

"It's okay. Honestly. I understand." Bri retrieved Groggy from across the room. He propped the plush toy on Sonny's pillow. He then settled into the chair beside the bed. "You're expecting too much of yourself too soon. It'll get better, I assure you It's just going to take some time."

"I hate relying on Rico. He should go back to work."

"He won't go back. He won't leave you. And I don't think that's really what you want."

Sonny looked away.

Bri spotted Rico's book lying open on the floor. He picked it up and read the title - "The Moving Finger". "Why don't I sit here and read for a while? If you need to talk or just want me stop, you let me know." Sonny nodded and closed his eyes.

After about an hour, Fielding realized that Sonny did not so much listen to the story as he listened to the voice telling the story. Sonny was obviously exhausted, but he was restless. He was constantly shifting and trying new positions to get truly comfortable. Sonny wanted Rico there with him. Rico's voice could soothe him.

Suddenly, Bri realized he was jealous. A tiny bit of that green-eyed monster had taken residence in his gut. The relationship that Sonny and Rico shared was indeed a rare one. He envied them. He, too, had experienced such a bond. It was a once in a lifetime thing that he'd shared with Kieran. He mentally shook himself. He was not going to dwell on that.

In truth, he was very grateful for the love that Sonny and Rico shared. If it had not have been for this deep tie between them, Bri had little doubt that Sonny would not have survived those first horrible days after the shooting. Sonny would not be here now.

Fielding continued to read. But inside he was wondering. Just where the hell was Rico?

**************************************************

In the crimson of the fading sunlight, Valerie watched the sand flurry around her bare feet. She and Rico had gone for a long walk on the beach near his house. From the state of the house and the size of the mail pile that had teetered precariously on the table, she knew that Rico had not been home in some time.

She had noticed that Rico had been far away. His distraction had been increasing over the last several hours. Val just could not quite figure what was wrong. When she had asked he had shrugged and tried to smile reassuringly.

Rico wanted - no needed - to get back to the hospital. He had not been away from his partner for this length of time since the whole nightmare began. What if Sonny needed him?!

"It must've been difficult for you, these past few weeks. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like - what you've been through."

Rico glanced sideways at Val as she took his arm in hers. Months ago, maybe even just weeks ago, he would have snapped up the invitation she had been offering all evening. But not now. Now there was only one person he wanted, and he was prepared to wait for as long as it took.

"What I've been through? What about what Sonny's been through?" His voice rose a bit on the last.

"He's going to be okay, Rico."

Rico stopped dead in his tracks. "How do you know?" he demanded. "For a month I've watched him go through hell. He's still there. There's no escape for him." He had to get back to Sonny, and soon. "Every day brings pain and exhaustion. He needs me. I need to be there with him."

Valerie took his hands in hers as she face him. "What about you, Rico?" He stiffened in her grasp. "You need a break. You need some rest. You can't expected to be there with him, worrying about him, twenty-four hours a day!" Rico suddenly gripped her hands firmly in his and looked straight into hers. "It's where *I* want to be."

Val took a step forward, closing the gap between them. She looked up into Rico's shining eyes and pressed her lips against his. "This is where I want to be," she whispered.

"I'm sorry, Val." He released her hands and moved away from her. "I have to go. Feel free to use the house."

Valerie stood dumbfounded in the sand. She pushed her hands deep into her pockets as the ocean breeze cooled her. Something was happening with Rico and it just did not add up. This was the first time *ever* that Rico had refused her advances. Could it be another woman?

Not for a single moment, did she consider that he had been telling her the truth.

**************************************************

The night nurse was leaving just as Rico hurried to Sonny's room. Glancing at his watch he felt another pang of guilt. Sonny had just been given his last meds of the day; he should not have been away so long.

Fielding looked up as the door opened. Rico saw Sonny's eyes were closed, but knew instantly that he was not asleep. Bri took his arm and lead him back into the corridor.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Fielding instantly regretted his tone and his choice of words.

Rico blinked in shock, then anger set in. "Who are you? My father?!"

Bri deflated. "I'm sorry. I - " He took a deep breath. "I don't know how you do it. I wish I did." He ran a hand tiredly through his hair. "Sonny's been so upset all evening. He hasn't eaten. He's exhausted but he won't sleep. Or maybe he just can't sleep...." He suddenly felt very tired and leaned back against the wall.

"I've been sitting reading to him, like you do." He touched Rico's arm. "I tell you Rico, Sonny is one very special person." Bri had realized a small part of the reason Rico was in love with Sonny. "His speed of recovery, his strength - " Bri shuddered inwardly. "I watched him endure a spasm. I don't know how he does it. I could see the agony in his eyes. But he never said a word." He paused. "I don't know how *you* do it."

The doctor looked up, ashamed that he had berated Rico. "Go in to him, he must know you're here. I'm sorry about what I said."

Rico nodded his understanding. As he put his hand on the door handle he turned and looked back at Bri. "I know he's special. Every time I look at him, I remember how he looked in Recovery that first night. I never even dared to hope then that he'd make it through this."

Sonny heard the door open again and looked up. He smiled as Rico sat down beside him.

"I'm sorry I was so long."

"S'okay. I thought you'd be away all night...." Sonny's words were slurred from his exhaustion and the meds. His eyes slid closed as Rico took his hand and brought it to his lips.

"Only you, Sonny. No one else - not even Valerie."

"Thank you." Sonny's breathing lengthened as at last he felt safe enough to sleep.

Rico went to sleep in the chair beside Sonny's bed, content to listen to his partner's steady breaths. Curled up on his side, Sonny seemed smaller than a grown man really should. Rico resolved to never let anyone come between him and the man he loved more than life. The man who was his life.

**************************************************

Rico woke suddenly. His neck ached from its uncomfortable position, but something else had woken him. A sound.

He looked over at Sonny. His partner was lying on his stomach. He eyes were squeezed shut, tears streaming over his cheeks. Agony lines were etched into his features. He was gripping Groggy so tightly in his right hand, that the knuckles were white. Rico sat up. "Sonny...." There was no response.

Rico leaned forward and touched his partner's cheek. Sonny's eyes opened. The pain reflected there was so deep, that Rico did not hesitate, for the first time since Sonny had been transferred from ICU, to hit the 'Call Nurse' button.

Moments later, a nurse, who Rico did not recognize, arrived. She took one look at Sonny and immediately paged the on-duty doctor.

The doctor, also a stranger to Rico, grabbed Sonny's chart and scanned it quickly. He crouched near Sonny's head. "Sonny, where does it hurt?"

Sonny spoke through clenched teeth. "...My back...."

Rico, meanwhile, had taken Sonny's other hand in his. He felt Sonny's grip tighten on his fingers as the pain intensified. The nurse left the room following the doctor's quick instructions.

The doctor moved the sheet and Sonny's pajama top out of the way and examined the area around the newly healed skin graft. He cautiously probed the muscles around the site, then carefully pressed his thumbs into Sonny's back. Rico nearly gasped as Sonny almost crushed his fingers.

Rhythmically, the doctor massaged the knotted muscles. Slowly, Sonny's grip on Rico's hand loosened. Then his whole body started to relax. The doctor felt the muscles smooth out as the episode ended. "Is that better, Sonny?"

"Yes...." Sonny was still uncomfortable, but now he could handle it. "Thank you."

The nurse returned as the doctor was pulling the sheet back up. She handed him a syringe and a swab. The doctor injected Sonny in the hip with the pain-killer. It would cause chaos with Sonny's daily medication schedule. But without it, Sonny would be in an unacceptable amount of pain. Sleep would be near impossible and right now he needed to rest in order to heal.

Within a minute, Sonny had fallen asleep. Only then did the new doctor acknowledge Rico's presence. He watched Rico shake out his 'crushed' fingers. Then he offered his hand and gave Rico's a gentle shake. "Doctor Casey Sylvester." He glanced down at Sonny's chart before returning it to the end of the bed. "Dr. Fielding is his regular physician, right?"

"That's right. What just happened? Will Sonny be okay?"

Sylvester seemed to just ignore Rico's questions, but his eyes widen in recognition. "So, this is Sonny Crockett?"

"Yeah...."

So that makes you Rico Tubbs?" He smiled at Rico, but turned back toward Sonny.

"Yes, but - "

"I've heard a lot about the two of you." Sylvester interrupted. "Bri's very proud of Sonny."

Rico put a hand on the doctor's arm. "Doctor?"

"Yes?" Casey turned his attention away from Sonny and back to Rico. "Sorry. You wanted to know what happened. Sonny had a muscle cramp, nothing too serious. Although, as you witnessed, it was extremely painful. The best treatment is a very gentle massage of the knotted muscle to relax it. This hasn't happened before?" He seemed surprised.

"No. He's had spasms...."

Casey nodded. "Yes he will. And these cramps will likely increase in frequency for the short term, as his therapy progresses. Has he been scheduled for sessions in the whirlpool?"

"Yes."

"Good. That will help relieve the stress on his back." He glanced at his watch. "Sonny'll sleep now, hopefully, into the morning. He'll have to skip his 7 am meds." He picked up Sonny's chart again and made some quick notes in it. "I'll make sure his PT's rescheduled for the afternoon. I'll let Bri know what happened." He glanced at Rico, who still looked rather shaken. "Are you okay?"

"I'm... fine. It was just a bit of a shock, so sudden. He's been okay recently."

Casey frowned, "I doubt that. From what I've heard, he just doesn't tell anyone what he's going through." He looked back to Rico. "Make sure you rest too."

On his way out, Casey stopped. As an afterthought, he said quietly. "Sonny's one of the few miracles we've had in this hospital, Rico. When we say 1 in 500, we mean it. Make sure people remember that. Being a miracle can be a painful experience."

**************************************************

Roger Travellyan watched Strohe as he paced the interrogation room. "If you're going to prosecute, I wish you'd get on with it."

Strohe paused and looked over at the ex-detective. "You really want to go to jail?"

Roger smiled, knowingly. "I'm not going to jail, Strohe, and you know it. I'll be thrown off the force in disgrace - no pension, no gold watch." Not that he cared. Not that he needed the pension. "And I don't see a damned thing you can do for me. 'Sides, IAD isn't known for its generosity."

"Maybe not," Strohe leaned on the table, staring straight into Travellyan's eyes. "But *this* IAD officer just might be."

"What do you want from me?"

"I want to know what happened at Cintaro's place - The Dome - on the night he was killed." Roger's eyes widened in surprise, as Strohe continued. "I know you were there. I've got photos to prove it. And I know two undercover vice cops were there, too. I know you talked to them. So what happened?"

Roger was instantly suspicious. "If you know there were cops there, read the report."

"It's been classified. Believe me, I'm working on it. But if you just tell me what happened, I wouldn't have to waste my time and you might just find yourself walking out of here with a deal."

Travellyan lit one of the cigarettes Strohe had given him. The report was classified. That meant someone was protecting Crockett and Tubbs. Or the report did not say anything about what happened that night, and the men were being allowed to keep what happened quiet. Why was Strohe *so* interested?

"You won't get anything from me." Travellyan blew the smoke out through his nose. "I'm not going to jail. I'll just bide my time. Eventually, I'll walk out of here."

"Okay." Strohe nodded. "But your friend definitely *is* going to jail. Mr. Kym Bodelle? I understand the two of you are very close." The IAD Detective eyed Travellyan with a mixture of disgust and mischief. "Maybe, if you told me what I wanted to know, I could do something to improve his chances."

"You're insane!" Roger had to laugh. "Bodelle's up for attempted murder of a police officer. He's going away for a long time. Nothing is going to stop that."

"Maybe." Strohe shrugged. "Maybe, I could fix something."

Travellyan did not like what he was hearing. "I don't understand. Why would you?" Something was just not jelling right. "Detective Crockett's been in the hospital for over a month. Bodelle nearly killed him and you're offering me a deal with Bodelle's life? - Why?"

Strohe sat in the chair opposite Travellyan. "Crockett's a dirty cop. I've been trying to nail him with something for years. If he killed Cintaro, I want him." Strohe was like a mad dog on a blood trail.

"He didn't kill Cintaro. And he's not a dirty cop!" This was sounding more and more like a personal crusade on Strohe's part. "Sonny Crockett has a reputation that's admired by kids going into the academy! - Is this some sort of personal vendetta?"

"I will find out what happened." Strohe ignored Travellyan's question and stood. "Crockett is no hero. I'm going to prove that. He's probably milking this hospital thing for all it's worth. Minor miracle, my ass!"

**************************************************

Rico sat at the poolside and watched Sonny swim. For several days now, this morning therapy had been a regular event. Half an hour swimming, fifteen minutes in the whirlpool. And that was all after an hour of working with the physiotherapist.

The hospital swimming pool was the oldest part of Miami General. The rest of the hospital was relatively new, but the pool was housed in a large building, with a cold concrete surround on which Rico was sitting.

It exhausted Sonny, but he loved the temporary independence that the pool offered him. Supported by the water, he felt freed from the constant reliance on other people. Sonny also encouraged his partner to take a break from the hospital while he was stuck in therapy. So Rico had taken to going into the office on most mornings. There was always some paperwork that he could catch up on and it allowed him to keep tabs on Strohe's investigation.

Rico had spoken to Castillo about the IAD renegade officer. Castillo had assured him that as soon as Strohe overstepped his authority, he would be knocked down. There was nothing damaging in the classified report. There was nothing that Strohe could find.

Today, Rico had not gone to the office. He had just wanted to sit and watch Sonny swim. His partner was making incredible progress. Just as Dr. Sylvester had predicted, Sonny was enduring frequent cramps and spasms in his back muscles. But Bri had shown Rico how to alleviate the worst of the pain by gently massaging the over stressed area.

The section of muscle that had been destroyed by the bullet would never regenerate. But Sonny's body was learning to compensate for the loss. It was going to take time and Sonny was impatient. He constantly pushed himself harder and harder everyday. When he went beyond his limits, he suffered for it. Sonny returned from his morning therapy sessions exhausted and in pain. He would often sleep through most of the afternoon. Rico would just sit by his partner - content to just be with Sonny. He found himself constantly amazed at the determination that Sonny displayed.

It all seemed unending. Sonny pushed himself because he wanted to get on his feet and get out of the hospital. It would be a while before his back and legs could support him. He had regained a lot of the strength in his upper body and was able to maneuver the wheelchair on his own for brief periods. But now, Sonny had started to suffer from phantom pains emanating from the area of his back where the muscle had been.

Bri had told Rico about an incident during Sonny's therapy the previous day. Sonny had been standing at the parallel bars trying to walk. With each movement, the PT had seen the lines of pain on Sonny's face. He had pushed beyond his capabilities and had collapsed to the floor.

The therapist and an aide had maneuvered Sonny into his wheelchair. Only then had Sonny complained of the severe pains in his back. He had hardly been able to speak through his tightly clenched teeth. But even as the therapist had called for Bri, the pain had subsided.

Fielding had explained that merely standing balanced and upright required a great deal of muscle strength and coordination. Sonny had lost a part of the muscles used for standing and walking. His body would learn to compensate. But it was going to take time. Between the nerve trauma and muscle damage, sometimes Sonny's body would send random signals that caused intense pain, spasms and cramps. When the brain interpreted the signals as being from the 'missing' muscle, it was called phantom pain. When Sonny got upset or overtaxed himself physically the chances of the random signals occurring increased dramatically.

As Rico watched Sonny swim, he knew without a doubt that no matter how long it took for Sonny to recover, he would be there for his partner. He could not imagine being anywhere else.

Sonny surfaced next to where Rico sat.

"Time to move partner, the whirlpool awaits."

Sonny nodded, and Rico helped him out of the pool. There was a lift that he was supposed to use, by Sonny had found that he could make it out of the pool using the steps. The water supported him nearly to the top step, and Rico or an aide could help him out and into the wheelchair from there. Getting out that way made him feel less disabled and more independent.

Rico wrapped the large towel around Sonny. "Are you okay?"

"Of course." Sonny looked up at Rico. "You've done so much for me. I don't think this is in the contract, partner."

"I'm not here just because I'm your partner. I'm here because I love you. And I'm not going anywhere, so don't worry about that."

"I was thinking though, if you did want to go back to work...."

Rico interrupted him. "I don't want to go back to work. I want to be here with you." He started to push Sonny towards the adjoining solarium, and the whirlpool. "Go jump in the Jacuzzi, Partner. You earned it." Rico stopped just before the door and leaned down. "Just lie back and think of me." Sonny smiled, and almost blushed. The aide who took over from Rico told Sonny that he looked flushed, and asked him if he was okay. Sonny assured her that he was, and shot a mock warning glance at Rico.

As Rico turned to leave for Sonny's room, he saw Sonny being helped down into the warm water. For a moment, he thought how wonderful it would feel to be in the water with Sonny, holding him close and feeling Sonny's body press against him. He took a deep breath and left the solarium before it got any hotter.

Rico pushed open the door of Sonny's room and stopped in surprise. Roger Travellyan was sitting in the chair by the bed. He stood as soon as he saw Rico.

"I'm sorry, but I had to come."

Rico let the door close behind him. "You've got twenty minutes. I don't want Sonny seeing you. He's been through enough already."

Roger nodded his understanding. "I'm sorry." He sat again. "How is he?"

Rico sat on the bad and picked Groggy up from the pillows. "He's doing well, considering the mess your friend, Bodelle, made of him."

Travellyan shook his head, "I honestly didn't realize." He met Rico's unfriendly gaze. "Kym told me the names of the people he was dealing with. I didn't even consider that it could be you two. I thought you only used one set of names."

"We hate to be predictable."

Rico regarded Travellyan cautiously. The man had once saved their lives - probably saved Sonny's sanity too. But he had warned Bodelle that night, told him to be on the look out for anything suspicious. Bodelle had passed the information on to his over-zealous baby-sitters. And Sonny had wound up in here with six gaping holes in his body.

"What do want Travellyan?"

"I came to warn you. I've been with IAD for several days. There's this one guy - Strohe - he's after Sonny, and he wants him bad. It's personal. I don't know why but he resents Crockett. He offered to deal. He said he could help Kym..." Rico's eyes widened. "...*if* I told him what happened that night at Marcus's place. I didn't tell him anything. But he's going after the report."

Rico shrugged. "There's nothing in the report. It's all been sanitized. I can't believe he would offer to help Bodelle." "He may only have been bluffing. The way I figure it, there's nothing that can save Kym now. I hope whatever *is* in that report, it's pretty believable. Because he isn't going to stop until he's got the truth, or at least, something he can bury Sonny with." He looked up at Rico apologetically, "Sorry about that."

Travellyan was gone before Sonny returned. Not wanting to upset or worry his partner, Rico did not mention anything. Rico felt he had to protect Sonny from this mess. His partner was nearly at his limits already.

**************************************************

Throughout the next week, Sonny's condition continued to improve slowly. One morning, Rico watched as his partner stood unaided for the first time in well over a month.

With Bri at his side, Sonny slipped off the edge of his bed to his feet. Unsteadily, he stood without assistance. Sonny felt his back beginning to spasm, but so determined was he to do this, he just gritted his teeth and tried to think past the pain.

Rico was standing few feet in front of him. That was his goal. He was going to walk to his partner. Slowly, he shifted his weight to one foot preparing to take a step.

Bri immediately put his hand on Sonny's back. "Easy. Don't try to rush it, Sonny." But he saw the determination in Sonny's eye.

With infinite patience, Sonny lifted his right foot and took a step toward Rico. Both Bri and Rico saw Sonny's left leg start to give way. Both were at his side, supporting Sonny to his chair before he could collapse. Rico found his heart was pounding wildly.

There were tears of strain in Sonny's eyes, but he was smiling in a giddy fashion. "I did it!" Rico could only nod, too happy for words, waiting for his heart to slow down. God, Sonny could scare the hell out of him sometimes.

Bri pointed a warning finger at his patient. "Please, Sonny, take it slowly. Okay?" But he, too, was smiling. "You're making great progress. Just don't push yourself too hard. It'll come. I promise. You just have to give it time." ***************************************** Rico left for the office when Sonny went down to his therapy session. When he returned to his room, nearly two hours later, Rico wasn't back yet. Having regained some of his independence, Sonny was not as bothered by Rico being away during the day. In the evenings, Rico would sit and read aloud or simply talk with him. Sonny liked hearing about ongoing investigations at OCB. He would fall asleep to the warm sounds of Rico's voice. Safe.

Sonny figured that Rico probably got side tracked at OCB. He would be back later. Exhausted after therapy, Sonny settled into bed with the help of the aide from the solarium. His meds arrived and before his lunched appeared, Sonny was sleeping deeply.

About an hour and half later, Sonny awoke. His lunch was still waiting for him, but he was not really hungry. Bland diets did nothing to stimulate his appetite. Rico still wasn't back. Still tired, he closed his eyes again. But without Rico there, he wouldn't get to sleep unless completely exhausted. He took a deep breath.

Sonny knew that Rico had simply been delayed at the office. He knew that if he really needed Rico, he could call OCB. He also knew that the nurses had the number to call if they thought Sonny needed Rico. After many long weeks in the hospital, the nursing staff knew Sonny and Rico well.

But still there was that faint niggling doubt in the back of his mind. What if Rico had found something better to do with his time than to baby-sit his partner? What if Rico had finally gotten fed up with just hanging around and taking care of him? He pushed the negative thoughts away. Rico would be back soon. He just needed to find something to distract him and help pass the time.

Sonny's eyes wandered to the wheelchair. Using the overhead bar for leverage, he maneuvered himself to the side of the bed. It took considerable effort, but he managed to transfer himself to the chair without mishap. Grinning to himself, he grabbed his robe from the visitor chair and awkwardly put it on. He didn't notice that Groggy was entangled in the base of the material.

Rico had wheeled him around on several occasions, so Sonny knew the layout of the hospital reasonably well. He's always hated being cooped up for long periods. Having the television that Joey had brought him helped a bit, but Sonny had never been much of a television viewer. He had never had the time before and now that he did, he really wasn't interested.

No one really took much notice of another patient wheeling himself around. When Sonny got tired, he stopped and rested. The second time he stopped was just outside the pediatrics ward. The seat of the wheelchair had been feeling strange. He had tried to adjust it but it had not made any difference. This time, he felt around under the seat and pulled out Groggy. Smiling to himself, he tucked the toy into the side of his robe and wheeled himself forward.

Following the sounds of laughter, he soon found himself in the children's dayroom. It was a bright, colourful room; obviously designed to make children feel happy and safe. The kids that were well enough were playing together. Others were reading or watching cartoons on the television.

One boy, in particular, caught Sonny's attention. He was not playing with the other children. Instead he was sitting alone in a corner watching all that happened in the room. He reminded Sonny of Billy.

Sonny wheeled over and introduced himself to the boy. He caught a glimpse of the name on the boy's id bracelet: Jamie Carenza. Jamie did not speak. He just stared at Sonny but then his attention wandered. He stared pointedly down at Sonny's wheelchair. Sonny followed Jamie's gaze and discovered Groggy peeking out from under his robe.

He pulled the toy out and introduced him to Jaime. "Groggy, this is Jamie. Jamie, this is Groggy." Sonny smiled at the boy. "My friends gave him to me." He handed the plush alligator to the boy.

Jamie still did not say anything but his face lit up as he accepted Groggy from Sonny. The boy smiled and stroked the green fur. Sonny looked around the room and spotted some books on a nearby table.

"I was just thinking of reading Groggy a story," he remarked casually to Jamie. "Do you have any favorites you could recommend?"

Jamie nodded and pointed to the pile of books. Sonny wheeled over to the table. Picking up one from the top of the pile, he showed the cover to the boy. "How about this one?" Jamie nodded again.

Opening the copy of Roald Dahl's "George's Marvelous Medicine", Sonny started to read.

**************************************************

Rico shot up and his chair went over with a bang. He leaned across the interrogation room table and stared at Strohe's bland face. His eyes sparking dangerously, he fairly spat, "You son of a bitch!" Strohe hardly blinked. "How dare you, how could you accuse Sonny of having *anything* to do with Bodelle? Crockett was admitted to the hospital with four bullets in him! Some setup!"

Rico was frantic with worry. He had started to leave for the hospital hours ago when Strohe had turned up. It was as though he had been waiting for Rico to try and leave. Rico knew how much time has passed. It was well into the afternoon and he *had* to get back to Sonny.

Strohe leaned closer into Rico's face. "Sit down, Detective."

"Fuck you, Strohe." Rico headed for the door.

"I'll have your badge! Yours and Crockett's!" Strohe was annoyed that he had not been able to intimidate Tubbs.

His hand on the doorknob, Rico turned back. "In your wildest dreams! Just try it." He dared the IAD man. "Go in there and tell Castillo you want us suspended." When Strohe made no move to leave, Rico nodded. "You haven't got anything to pin on us, because there isn't anything! - Jesus Christ, man! Sonny nearly died trying to bring one of the bad guys down. It's a miracle he's recovering at all. And you want to fulfill some personal crusade against him?!" He slammed the door shut behind him. The glass rattled in the frame with the force.

 

Rico stopped and picked up a tub of frozen strawberries and cream yogurt on the way back to the hospital. It was an apology for being away too long and it was a favorite of Sonny's so it was also a treat. Sonny's bland diet wasn't inspiring him to eat much.

Rico spotted the untouched lunch tray the moment he entered Sonny's deserted room. Where the hell had Sonny been since this morning's therapy? He set the frozen treat on the tray table and made a quick check of the bathroom. No Sonny.

He inquired at the nurses' station if something had happened to prevent Sonny from returning to his room. No one was even aware that Sonny wasn't in his room. Rico heart started racing; his anxiety increasing.

"Alert security. I'm going to see if I can find him." Rico was down the corridor before the nurse could pick up the phone.

 

Sonny was nearly half way through the story. A ring of children had surrounded his wheelchair. They were listening attentively. In front of him, Jamie continued to pet 'Groggy' while listening to the story.

When the floor nurse came in to call the children back to their rooms for supper, one boy turned to Sonny. "Please come back tomorrow and finish the story." He looked so hopeful. "Please."

"I promise." Sonny smiled and ruffled the boy's hair as he turned to leave. And he found he wanted to return. It was nice doing something to help others for a change. After being on the receiving end of so much love and caring, Sonny figured it was his turn to spread a little cheer.

As the last of the children scattered, Jamie looked at Sonny seriously. For the first time, he spoke. "Were you scared when you came here?"

"Yes, I was." Sonny nodded. "But there's nothing to be afraid of."

Jamie considered this for a moment, then asked, "Are you still scared?"

Sonny was going to shake his head, but something about the boy and the honesty of children stopped him. He nodded again. "Sometimes." Jamie started to give Groggy back to Sonny. "I tell you what," Sonny started, "why don't you keep him? So then he can look after you."

But Jamie shook his head and pushed Groggy into Sonny's hands. "He's yours. You still need him." Jamie climbed down from the chair and touched Sonny's arm. "Promise you'll come back tomorrow? And that you'll bring Groggy?"

"I promise Jamie."

The boy smiled happily and took the nurse's hand as they headed back to his room.

Sonny placed the book on the table and started to turn the wheelchair around. The spasms that ran through his back were agonizing. He had been sitting in the chair for far too long. Not wanting to bother a nurse, Sonny sat, gritting his teeth and waited for the spasms to subside. Suddenly, he realized how very far away the trauma unit was from pediatrics. He was exhausted. And he missed Rico.

 

Rico had barely managed to restrain himself at the doorway to the dayroom. He had been so relieved to find Sonny that he had wanted to just rush over to him. But Sonny had had his back to the door and Rico could see the kids all listening to him read.

So Rico had hung back just watching and listening. Sonny did not read to the kids like an adult reading to children. He was reading to them as if they were equals. The kids responded to this. They could sense his innate honesty. They could feel his love. And they returned it multi-fold. There was a certain dignity, independence and strength of character that Sonny still possessed after nearly two months of dependence and recovery in the hospital.

Sonny was fine. Rico chided himself for being so over-protective. Sonny was in the hospital. He was in the best of hands if something did go wrong. Rico knew he worried too much, but Sonny was just too precious to him. It was difficult to let go.

As Rico leaned against the door, he felt a painful stab of anxiety. What if Sonny no longer needed him once he had recovered? What if he went so easily back into his old life that he decided that he did not need Rico around? Rico closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He tried to push his worries away.

Their relationship had started far before this nightmare had obliterated their usual daily lives. Sonny had loved him as much as he loved Sonny. Sure before all this had happened, the attraction had been there. But now, it ran far deeper than he'd ever dared wish. Rico was certain that Sonny felt it too.

When the children had started back to their rooms, Rico had moved towards Sonny. But when he heard the boy's quiet question, and he had stopped. As Rico watched Sonny nod his head the second time, he had felt tears stinging his eyes. He saw Jamie hand Groggy back to Sonny, and leave with the floor nurse. Sonny had moved to the table to put the book back.

Rico heard Sonny's gasp and knew immediately what had happened. He had been around far too long not to know what Sonny's reactions were to different pains. Not wanting to embarrass Sonny, he strolled casually over. "So, Sonny, here you are." Sonny looked up with obvious relief and Rico returned his smile. "Had enough gallivanting around for one afternoon?"

"Yeah well, you know me, the 'man about town.'" Sonny shifted trying to relieve a bit of the stress on his back. "Or at least, in this case, 'hospital'."

"What'd you say we head back to your room and grab a little supper?" Sonny was not fooling him. He could easily read the pain and exhaustion in his eyes. "I brought you a surprise."

Sonny nodded and tried to relax as Rico wheeled him back to his room. God, he was so glad Rico was back. He had missed him terribly.

 

When they arrived back at Sonny's room, the lunch tray had been exchanged for the dinner tray. Sonny's back had continued to spasm throughout the trip from pediatrics. Rico was starting to worry. He was not going to wait for a nurse to help. He stopped the chair next to the bed and set the brakes. Then slipping one arm under Sonny's shoulders and the other under his knees, Rico easily lifted Sonny onto the bed.

"Jesus, Rico, you're going to hurt yourself doing that." Sonny shifted position trying to get comfortable. "But thanks, the chair did me in this afternoon." He simply could not get comfortable.

It had scared Rico to realize just how light Sonny had felt when he had picked his partner up. "Here, Sonny, get on your side and let me see if I can massage that spasm into submission." He watched Sonny move to his side. "Then you need to eat some supper. It looked like you'd skipped lunch." He started to gently press and roll the muscles in Sonny's lower back.

"Not hungry." He heard Sonny mumble. Finally, the muscles were starting to relax. A minute or two later, he heard Sonny sigh in relief. "Thank you. You're a lifesaver."

Rico grabbed the tub of frozen yogurt and waved a spoonful of the strawberry scented treat under Sonny's nose. "Come on, Sonny. Don't let this perfectly good dessert go to waste."

Sonny opened his eyes warily. "What is that? It smells like strawberries."

"Strawberries and cream frozen yogurt." He handed the spoon to Sonny and set the tub within easy reach. "As a matter of fact, I think I'll join you." Rico located a second spoon in the bag and dug out a mouthful of yogurt.

"This tastes heavenly. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Rico smiled at seeing Sonny get another spoonful. "I figured you could do with something that had a little flavour. I've sampled some of the stuff they're feeding you."

Sonny licked the spoon. "Was everything okay at OCB? You were gone a long time."

"Yeah, everything's fine. I'm sorry."

Sonny captured Rico's hand in his. "Don't apologize, please. I just thought... if there's something that you need to do at work, you don't have to hang around here."

Rico sighed, "How many times have we been through this? I just got caught up with something."

Rico did his best to keep his anger at Strohe and his worry about the investigation hidden. But Sonny could read him very well after eight years of partnership. He knew something was wrong by the look in Rico's eyes, and the tone underlying his voice. "Rico, what's wrong?"

Rico squeezed Sonny's hand. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine."

Sonny sat up, sending a series of spasms through his back. He grimaced. Rico set the yogurt on the tray table and leaned forward putting a firm hand on Sonny's shoulder. "Lie still, Sonny." But Sonny was not listening. He was agitated.

"Don't lie to me Rico. I know something's wrong. What is it?"

Rico took a deep breath. "Nothing you need worry about." "Tell me." Sonny insisted.

"It's Strohe."

Sonny seemed to be thinking for a moment, trying to place the name. "IAD guy? Complete bastard. Hates me."

Rico nodded. "That's the one."

"What about him?"

"He's just poking around in things he shouldn't be."

Sonny rolled his eyes, it was like getting blood out of a stone. "What's he after?"

Sonny was not going to give up. Rico did not want to have to explain further. He did not want to bring all the horrible memories to the surface again. But he could not lie to Sonny. Sonny would not be fooled.

"He's been poking around the Cintaro case." Rico hoped that by selectively telling the truth he could protect Sonny from the worst. Sonny had not yet mentioned Travellyan and if that name could conceivably open the flood gates for more memories to hurt Sonny, Rico was not going to risk it.

However, the mere mention of the Cintaro case was bad enough. Sonny seemed to collapse in on himself. Rico leaned close and put his arm across Sonny's body.

"It's okay. There's nothing for him to find. It's all been sanitized." But the look of terror and shame in Sonny's eyes remained and it tore at Rico.

"It's not as though I could be any more ashamed than I already am.... I just don't want others knowing...."

Rico thought his heart would stop from the ache he felt for Sonny. "You have *nothing* to be ashamed of."

"He raped me.... I should have fought harder.... I should've...." "Sonny, that wasn't your fault. There's nothing you could have done to stop it from happening. You would have been killed. And there's nothing Strohe can use."

"I feel so... childish. It's humiliating."

"Why?"

"I'm so dependent on you.... So damned needy."

"Only because you have to be. You haven't got a choice at the moment." Rico wanted Sonny to understand that it was okay to be needy sometimes. "After everything you've been through, I'm just glad that you're here to *be* dependent on me."

The tears were hot and stung. They pulled Sonny's attention to his inability to control his emotions. "Look at me, Rico." He pushed away from his partner. "I'm so useless...."

Rico sat up on the bed next to Sonny and pulled him into his arms. Gently with his presence and voice, he soothed Sonny as he had so many times before. "No one is going to find out anything. Believe me. Castillo won't let them hurt you. He cares far too much for you to let it happen." Rico stroked Sonny's back softly. "So do I. I'm here for you, Sonny. I'll protect you."

**************************************************

Bri stepped into his office to find Strohe seated in his chair.

"Doctor Briam Fielding?"

"Actually, I prefer 'Bri', as it says on the door. And because it says that, it also means that this is *my* office and that is *my* chair. Would you mind getting the hell out of it?" Strohe stood, chuckling to himself. "Thank you. Now who are you?"

"John Strohe, Internal Affairs Department, Metro Dade Police." He seemed rather enamoured with his title. "I'm here to interview Detective Sonny Crockett. I'm going to question him anyway, but as a gesture of goodwill, I'm asking your permission as his physician."

Something about this man set all of Bri's suspicions off. He had grown quite protective over his miracle patient.

"I'll need to check on Sonny's condition. If you could just wait here."

"Of course."

Bri hurried to Sonny's room and pushed the door open. His heart melted to find Rico sitting on Sonny's bed, his partner wrapped in his embrace. Sonny was sleeping with his head pillowed on Rico's thigh.

"Is he okay?"

"I think so. A guy from Internal Affairs is investigating the Cintaro case. Sonny knew there was something up and I had to tell him. It upset him."

"I think I may have your Internal Affairs guy sitting in my office." Bri was very glad he had heeded his instincts. "John Strohe?"

"Yeah, that's him."

Bri could not help but smile as he watched Rico continuing to soothe Sonny. He was stroking his hair and back as the man slept peacefully.

"He wants to talk with Sonny."

Rico's voice hardened. "He's not going to."

Bri nodded. "I'll get rid of him for now."

 

"Officer Strohe," Bri closed the door behind him. He tried his best to look apologetic as he said, "I'm afraid Detective Crockett is in no condition to talk right now. He had a rough therapy session today and had to be medicated for the pain. He's sleeping. I can't let you disturb him."

Strohe nodded. He did not seem convinced, but he did not push the matter. "I understand. I'll come back in few days." His voice took on a mocking edge. "Maybe then Detective Crockett will be ready to talk to me."

After Strohe left his office, Bri rang down to security and asked them to discreetly ensure the Officer left the building. Fielding then returned to Sonny's room.

 

The doctor leaned against the window sill, watching the sky darkening as the sun set.

"He'll come back, Rico." Bri pitched his voice low so as not to disturb Sonny.

"I know he will." Rico looked down at his partner. 'Fast asleep in this dangerous world.' The line suddenly came into his head. He would spend the next hour trying to figure out where it he had heard it before. Holding Sonny like this was like holding a sleeping child.

"I just want to protect him from all of this." He spoke softly. "He's been through too much already. Strohe would badger Sonny until he cracked. He doesn't have enough control over his emotions yet. He hasn't had time to rebuild his defenses. He's not strong enough to deal with that bastard."

Sonny shifted slightly, his hand coming to rest on Rico's arm. On impulse, Rico leaned down and kissed Sonny's fingers. Bri smiled to himself. Just being in the same room with these two filled him with the sense of warmth and love.

"Rico, do your co-workers know about you two?"

Rico shook his head. "Only Stan. And he doesn't know everything. It was all just starting when this nightmare began."

"Are you going to tell them?"

Rico shrugged slightly, not wanting to shift Sonny from where he was obviously comfortable. "I guess we'll have to at some point. Castillo's not going to be thrilled."

"How did Stan take it?" "Surprised. I'm not really sure. I told him when we were out at the boat, while Sonny was in surgery." Bri nodded, he remembered. "I think he sort of understood."

Fielding pushed away from the windowsill. "I'll leave you two alone. You need to think about Strohe. Unless you can prevent it through official channels, you'll have to let him talk to Sonny eventually."

**************************************************

When morning arrived after an eternity, neither Rico nor Sonny'd had a particularly restful night. Rico had read to Sonny most of the night as his partner simply could not seem to get comfortable. Thoughts of Strohe badgering Sonny, kept Rico worried and awake.

Sonny's eyes were deeply shadowed when he was taken down to therapy, but he still insisted that Rico get out of the hospital for awhile. Smiling, Rico had assured him that he would stop by the boat to check on Elvis and then go into OCB.

 

Kyle O'Hallaran, the caretaker of the Bal Harbor marina, had been feeding Elvis regularly. But it was obvious that the alligator was missing Sonny, when Rico discovered that the digital clock was missing from the bedroom. He had poked his head above deck to check on the 'gator and saw Elvis had his stripy sheet securely clamped in his jaws. He only did that if he was sulking.

"You're missing him, too." Rico patted Elvis' snout and descended below deck again. He had really wanted to come here to catch some sleep, instead of home, because even after two months of absence, the pillows still smelled of Sonny.

Rico kicked his shoes off, pulled his sweater over his head, and snuggled in to bed under the sheets. He closed his eyes, breathing in Sonny's scent. Slowly, the gentle rocking of the boat against its moorings, lulled Rico to sleep.

**************************************************

That morning's therapy was long and painful for Sonny. Despite his exhaustion, Sonny kept pushing himself. He had nearly fallen asleep in the whirlpool in spite of all the aches and cramps. As he was being wheeled back to his room, he recalled his promise to Jamie - to go back and finish the story. Well, maybe after a little sleep, right now Sonny did not trust himself to even be able to read clearly. Tired just did not cover it.

His midday meds were brought in as the aide was helping him into bed. He curled on his side, the most comfortable position still, and was asleep before lunch arrived.

 

A loud metallic crash penetrated his drug enhanced stupor of exhaustion only twenty minutes later. So deeply asleep, he did not even try to open his eyes to see what had happened. He shifted a bit on the bed and unconsciously sought out Groggy from under the pillows. His breathing slowed as he loosely held onto the stuffed alligator.

A second loud crash. This time Sonny opened his eyes, agitated. He frowned up at the stranger standing by his tray table. Sonny did not want all this interruption. He wanted to sleep. Under the influence of the medication he really did not have much choice. His eyes slipped closed again.

Strohe smiled as he dropped the tray for a third time. It was ridiculously easy to read the confusion and growing fear in Sonny's eyes, when he struggled awake a third time. There was no recognition in the bleary green eyes that blinked up at him.

John Strohe moved to the head of Sonny's bed. He smiled down at the confused man. It was just felt so good to torment this smug hot-shot vice cop. He wrenched the stuffed toy from Sonny's grasp.

A pained cry escaped Sonny's throat. His fear now growing, Sonny still had to struggle to keep his eyes open. He could not focus on what was happening. His only clear thought was that Rico would protect him. Yet even through this disturbing confusion, the drugs pulled him relentlessly towards sleep. He found it impossible to keep his mind focused. Why was this person doing these things to him? He so much wanted to sleep....

 

Bri found himself in the trauma unit and decided to check in on Sonny. He often found himself going out of his way to check on his miracle patient. What he glimpsed through the door window, shocked and horrified him.

As he watched, the IAD officer ripped Sonny's stuffed alligator from the drugged man's grip. It was easy to see the hurt and confusion in Sonny's face. Bri was certain that Sonny was in no shape to greet even pleasant visitors.

Strohe backed away from the bed, startled, as Fielding pushed to door open. The doctor's anger was nearly palpable. Bri snatched the plush toy from Strohe's hands.

Fielding turned to his patient and gently touched his arm. "It's okay, Sonny. Take it easy." Sonny was fighting the meds now, fear-induced adrenaline keeping his eyes open. "You're safe now. Go back to sleep. You won't be disturbed again."

Sonny reached tentatively for the stuffed alligator. Bri gently placed it in his hand. In his confusion, Sonny saw the toy as being important. It meant safety. Happy, now, Sonny slowly sank back into a healing sleep.

As soon as Sonny drifted off, Fielding rounded on Strohe. Pointing to the door, he simply said, "Outside."

In the corridor, Bri backed the IAD officer against the wall. "What the hell were you doing?!" His anger was nearly a physical force. "Why did you take that toy from him?! What kind of childish act was that?!" But Strohe didn't say anything in return.

"Sonny had a bad night and rough morning. He's in a lot of pain. He's exhausted and he'd just been given his meds. Did you think you could question him in this state?" Bri generally believed in the basic goodness of man, but with this guy he had his doubts. "Or were just trying to upset him? Torment him?"

Strohe still remained silent, not defending himself or his actions. This only annoyed Fielding even more. "The next time you want to talk with *my* patient, you get *my* permission. And I want Detective Tubbs present."

Fielding stared hard at Strohe. "Is that clear?" Strohe merely nodded. "Good. Now leave. I don't want Sonny disturbed again today." Fielding watched as the officer strolled down the corridor. He shook his head. What drove people like him? Bri checked on Sonny and then satisfied that his patient was asleep, headed back to his office. ***************************************** Rico returned a short time after Strohe's departure. Unaware of the earlier disturbance, he sat by Sonny's bed. God, his partner was gorgeous. Rico settle back into the chair. He had discovered weeks ago, that he could simply be contented to watch Sonny sleep for hours on end.

With a light finger, he moved Sonny's soft blond hair back from his forehead. Sonny snuffled in his sleep, but did not wake. 'So beautiful.' Rico thought to himself.

Rico wanted to cover that face with kisses. Again, he found himself wanting to pull Sonny into the protection of his arms. He wanted to keep all the hurt away from his partner. He sighed. It was impossible. All he could do was be there.

 

Bri looked up at the knock on his office door. "Yes?" He stood when Castillo pushed the door open. "Lieutenant Castillo, come in."

"Please, it's Martin." He closed the door and sat in the visitor's chair. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes. Thank you for coming." Bri frowned. "There are a couple of things we need to discuss." At Castillo's nod, he continued. "First, there's an Internal Affairs officer, John Strohe?" Bri saw Castillo's eyes narrow in recognition.

"He was here yesterday wanting to interview Sonny. I refused to let him and he left." Bri could feel some of earlier anger returning. "About an hour ago, I found him in Sonny's room." Castillo did not look happy with that bit of news.

"Sonny's was sleeping. Sedated." At Castillo's questioning look, he explained. "His morning therapy sessions leave him exhausted and in a great deal of pain. When he returned to his room, he was given his meds and went to sleep." Fielding sighed. "Strohe was simply... aggravating him. I don't like my patients being disturbed like that."

Castillo's eyes flashed dangerously. "I'll deal with it."

Bri nodded, relieved. "Thank you."

"You said there were a couple of things?" Castillo prompted.

"Yes." Bri paused. "It's about Sonny returning to work. Obviously, we're talking about several months down the line here. Sonny's got at least another couple of weeks in hospital. When he's discharged, he'll still be on medical leave for about six weeks. Then light duty, desk work, for another two months." Bri spread his hands flat on the desk and looked up at the Lieutenant. "That's only a rough guess, of course. It all depends entirely on Sonny's progress. Most people, who are brought in with the types of injuries he suffered, never go back to work." He left it unspoken that most people would have died. "He's damned lucky."

Castillo nodded. "We all are."

Bri smiled. It was good to know that his patient's boss cared for him. He continued. "When he does return to active duty, there may be some potential problems. Not just with Sonny, but also Rico." At the look on Castillo's face, he hurried to explain. "Understandably, Rico's become extremely protective of his partner. And I know he's trying to take a step back, but it's difficult. He came very close to losing Sonny. They've been through hell. If Rico thinks it may happen again, he *could* become very unpredictable." Castillo nodded. "Sonny, on the other hand, still hasn't remembered exactly what happened that night. He's also a very determined person and he'll be pushing to get back to work as soon as he can." Castillo continued to listen. "However, the first time anybody aims a gun at him, his behaviour may become just as unpredictable. He may remember. He may not. He could be just fine. He might crumble. And *don't* think that testing this is a good idea."

Castillo frowned. "Why?"

Bri leaned back a bit. "Last year, a homicide detective was wounded. He was in here for a month. I had this conversation with his Lieutenant." He paused. "Two days after the detective returned to duty, his partner was admitted with a bullet wound. Turns out the partner thought it would be a good idea to see what would happen if someone did pull a gun on my patient."

"He shot him?"

"Yeah." Bri shook his head at the memory. "His partner said that he'd never seen him pull a gun that fast before. They'd thought he would just crumble, and that it would be best if that happened in the office rather than out on the street." Castillo's eyes were dark with worry.

"I'm just warning you. You probably knew most of this already." Bri studied the man in front of him. "You just need to respect what Sonny and Rico have been through. Give them time and room to sort everything out."

**************************************************

When Sonny awoke early in the afternoon, he was happy to see Rico waiting for him. He insisted that he had to go to the pediatrics unit. He had promised Jamie and the other kids that he would come and finish the story.

Rico tried to get Sonny eat his lunch first, but other than drinking the juice and milk, he said he wasn't hungry. Rico was starting to worry about how little his partner seemed to be eating.

 

A mile away from the hospital, Izzy and Travellyan met once again over chili-dogs. Roger told Izzy about an IAD officer named John Strohe, who could be potentially dangerous to Sonny Crockett. "Personal vendettas always get messy." He handed Izzy a slip of paper with Strohe's address scribbled on it. "I know Sonny means a lot to you. I don't want to see him hurt again."

"What are you going to do?" Izzy studied the paper, memorizing the address.

"I'm going to disappear." Travellyan wadded up the wrappers from his meal. "I should never have come back. I only hope I haven't made things worse."

 

Rico made a quick trip to a nearby mall, while Sonny read to the children. When he returned, he listened quietly from the doorway as Sonny finished reading the book. The kids' attention was fully focused on his partner. Rico felt his eyes burning with his love.

Watching Sonny, Rico remembered Jake. He had forgotten to tell Sonny that his brother had been here. He needed to.

 

Later, back in his room, Sonny settled into bed. Rico handed him a small, wrapped gift. "Rico, you've already done too much...." Sonny started to protest.

"Open it." Rico sat next to Sonny and wrapped an arm around his partner's shoulders.

Sonny opened the package. A cd fell into his hands: Eurythmics, Greatest Hits.

"Track 9." Rico instructed, as Sonny put the cd into his player and donned the ear-phones. Track nine started to play. "Underneath your dreamlit eyes, Shades of sleep have driven you away. The moon is pale outside And you are far from here. Breathing shifts your careless head, Untroubled by the chaos of our lives. Another day, another night has taken you again, my dear..." As the song continued, Sonny reached for Rico's hand and squeezed it. "I love you." He spoke the words as his eyes bored deep into those of his partner.

"I love you too, Sonny."

Rico treasured every moment he spent with Sonny now. But these moments between them were special. Sonny pushed the phones from his head and touched Rico's face. Rico captured his partner's wrist and turned his head to kiss his palm. Sonny's fingers pushed into the dark hair at the base of Rico's neck and gently pulled his mouth down to meet his own.

Rico felt familiar waves of tentative pleasure sweep through him. As the kiss ended, he leaned his forehead against Sonny's, not wanting to lose the physical contact. He reached down and took Sonny's hand in his, entwining their fingers, simply feeling the touch.

"I have something to tell you, which I should probably have mentioned earlier." Sonny raised his eyes to meet Rico's at this strange angle. "When you were in the coma, Jake came to see you."

"My brother, Jake?" Sonny's eyes widened in surprise.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, I should have told you before."

"It's okay," Sonny smiled ruefully and squeezed Rico's hand. "You've had a few things on your mind. Did he stay long?"

"No. We had... a small disagreement. Then we talked and he left. He said he hadn't spoken to you in ten years. Is that true?" Sonny nodded against Rico's head. "We had a fight. He never forgave me.... I guess I didn't expect him to. I'm surprised he came at all."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." Sonny shook his head. "It was a long time ago." He looked up at Rico. "One day I'll tell you. At the moment, I'm not sure I'm up to dealing with it."

"I understand, Sonny."

For a long time they sat like that, just being together, touching.

**************************************************

Three days later

Sonny was sitting in bed reading. It was just after lunch and for the first time in a while, he had been hungry, and had eaten the bland meal. He was really longing for food with flavor and taste. The frozen yogurt Rico had brought had been a real treat.

Rico had gone to the office and must have been delayed. Sonny was not bothered by his partner's late return. Usually, he would have wheeled himself down to the children's dayroom, and spent some time reading to the kids, or just playing with them, as best he could. But the therapy had been rough this morning, and his arms ached. He had decided to wait for Rico to return, and ask his partner to take him down to the pediatrics unit.

Dressed in pajamas and a light blanket over his legs, Sonny was leaning comfortably against the raised head of the bed and his pillows. A brisk knock at his door made him look up, even Rico had taken to knocking now. Sonny appreciated his partner's help in regaining some of his lost dignity.

Even as he said, "Come in," Strohe was striding into the room. Sonny recognized the IAD detective. "What do you want, Strohe?" Sonny didn't like the expression of smug determination on the man's face. A dream-like memory of the man standing over him grinning, disturbed Sonny. Something about Strohe called to mind a mad dog.

"I just want to talk." Strohe kept his voice low and calm, despite the chills of excitement coursing through his body. Taking a seat in a corner chair, he asked, "How are you feeling today, Detective?"

"You didn't come here to check on my progress." Sonny set the book down.

"Just trying to be polite." Strohe shrugged. He did not care what this self-satisfied little bastard really thought.

"Just cut to the chase." Sonny tried to sound like he was in complete control, like the arrogant cop Strohe knew him to be. But the vague memories of Strohe's previous visit also brought with them feelings of unreasoning terror. Those feelings were threatening to surface now.

"As you're probably aware, I've been checking into the Cintaro case." Strohe relaxed into the chair.

Sonny felt a cold chill in his heart. He forced himself to stay calm. Rico had told him that the report contained nothing that Strohe could use. The man was clutching at straws.

"I started by questioning Roger Travellyan. He wouldn't tell me anything," Strohe paused, leaned forward, as if seeing Sonny clearly for the first time. "He seemed quite taken with you. You are his type, I suppose."

Sonny searched his memory for the name 'Travellyan'. Then he remembered. At Cintaro's place the other guy was Travellyan. The guy that shot Cintaro as he.... Sonny tried to focus on what Strohe was saying. Panic was starting to build inside him.

"...It took a lot of work, but I finally got the report. You can imagine my surprise when I read what you and Tubbs claimed happened." He pause enjoying all this immensely. "There was more to that night than a simple shoot out between the bad guys. So I decided to dig a little deeper. And guess what?"

Strohe moved to the edge of the chair, his eyes glinted dangerously. Sonny was unconsciously picking at Groggy's soft fur. The IAD man noticed and grinned as he continued. "I discovered that immediately after the incident, you were admitted to this hospital. You were suffering from shock." Sonny's fingers clutched convulsively at the stuffed alligator.

"So with a little more digging, I got a hold of your hospital records." A cold fist of fear closed around Sonny's rapidly beating heart. "You were sexually assaulted." Strohe stood and moved toward Sonny. "Raped."

He waved a finger at Sonny. "The really interesting thing is that the samples taken from you, during that *very* personal examination, did not match samples taken from Marcus Cintaro during his autopsy." Strohe sat on the edge of the bed. "So who raped you, Sonny?"

Sonny knew Strohe was lying. He did not remember the examination, but he knew deep in his heart that Rico had not come inside him. There was no way Strohe knew for certain that it hadn't been Cintaro who had raped him.

But still, Sonny was losing the battle with the fast rising panic. He spotted the Call Button on the edge of the bed and made a grab for it. Instantly, Strohe's hand caught Sonny's wrist. Sonny did not have the strength to pull away. Strohe held him with ease.

"Who was it, Sonny?" Strohe was in Sonny's face. "Travellyan? Is that why he wouldn't talk?" Sonny struggled to pull away, panic and fear clear in his gaze. Tears of terror and remembered shame burned in his eyes, as Sonny tried to concentrate on not crying, on regaining some control.

"Am I upsetting you, Detective?" The words were spat into Sonny's face. He turned his head away, but Strohe yanked savagely on his wrist making him cry out in pain.

This was the day he had been dreaming of. Strohe sneered, enjoying the power he held over the weakened detective. His head was swimming with his own dark fantasies. "I know who it was, Sonny." He wrenched Sonny's wrist again, not noticing the grinding of the bones in it. "How did it feel to have your partner - your own partner who you trusted with your life!... How did it feel to have Rico take you up the ass?!"

Sonny lost his battle with the tears. As they began to roll down his face, he shook his head. "Cintaro forced him...."

"Ask yourself this, Sonny." Strohe laughed cruelly. "How did he rape you if he wasn't turned on by the thought?"

Sonny continued to shake his head. He knew what Strohe was telling him was not true. Rico had explained to him what had happened. Cintaro had forced him. He believed Rico. Sonny hung onto Rico's explanation in defiance of the rising tide of Strohe's anger.

Strohe wanted to see the great hot-shot detective, Sonny Crockett, fall to pieces in front of him. He wanted the man to beg him, plead with him to stop. But instead, while Crockett was crying, he still didn't crumble. He roughly let go of Sonny's wrist, throwing the helpless man forcefully against the pillows. He ripped the call button cord from the wall.

Sonny tried to scramble away from Strohe as the IAD man stepped closer again. But there was nowhere to go. His wheelchair was across the room and Sonny doubted he would have been able to get into it anyway, he was shaking so badly.

"Tell me what happened. I want the details, Crockett!" Strohe loomed closer to Sonny. "I want to know! I'm on your side! I'll make Ricardo Tubbs pay for what he did to you."

"No!" Sonny shook his head again. "He didn't. I know he didn't. I remember. Cintaro did...."

"It wasn't Cintaro!" He spat at the cowering man. "Look at you. You're not a man anymore! You're a child clutching at soft toys!" Strohe tossed Groggy across the room. "You're a pitiful cripple. You can't even walk like a real man! No wonder you're covering for Tubbs. You like being his helpless little 'woman'!"

Strohe suddenly knew exactly what he had to do. He reached under his jacket and, in a second, had his gun aimed at Sonny's head.

The floodgates, that had been tightly closed against the painful tide of memories, opened wide in Sonny's mind.

...He was standing on the docks, a cold wind beating the buildings around them. Bodelle was standing in front of him. Someone shouted and before he could react, Bodelle had his gun pointed at him. He felt the first bullet rip through him and he was falling....

Sonny screamed in pain and terror.

 

Out in the corridor, the nurses had heard the cry and were heading for Sonny's room. A short man with a powerful gun quietly instructed them to call security and wait outside. He looked in through the door window before entering.

 

Sonny's breathing had quickened, starting to hyperventilate. He couldn't think clearly. He couldn't see anything but the gun in front of him. Fear and panic were consuming him. He was caught up in the bedcovers otherwise he would have already fallen to the floor as he pushed farther away from the man with the gun.

The sound of the gun being cocked was amplified as it filled Sonny's head. "No, please...." He froze in place, a hand coming up to ward off the bullet. "Please, don't shoot." He could not go through it all again. He couldn't. He did not want to die. He wanted to stay here with Rico. "Please...."

Strohe was secure in his madness. "I'm ending this now, Crockett." His finger tightened on the trigger. "For both of us. I'm ending this game forever."

"No! Please. *PLEASE!*" Sonny knew he'd run out of time. He waited for the pain.

In the midst of the chaos, Izzy stepped quietly into the room behind Strohe. He'd heard and seen enough. "It ends here, John." The snitch pulled the trigger of his own gun.

It was a perfect shot. The bullet pierced the base of Strohe's skull, exiting through in front and lodging in the wall above Sonny's head. Strohe dropped lifeless onto the bed. His blood and brain matter were splattered on the wall, the bed and Sonny.

Sonny stared at the crumpled body of the IAD officer. He didn't move. He wasn't even blinking.

 

Fielding slammed through the door moments later quickly followed by security. "What the bloody hell?!" He spotted Sonny and suddenly all the questions could wait. He started giving orders. The police had to be called and they wouldn't want the body touched, but he had Izzy taken to the security office. He had to get Sonny out of here.

Very slowly, so as to not alarm him, Bri sat on the edge of Sonny's bed. "Sonny?" He could see shivers running through the blood spattered man.

Gently, he touched a hand to Sonny's arm. "Sonny...." There was no response.

 

Rico's heart leapt into his throat as he broke into a run at the sight of the crowd and commotion around Sonny's room. He saw a gurney with a body bag being wheeled into the room and for a horrible instant he thought that something had happened to Sonny. He caught sight of Izzy being lead away by hospital security as he skidded to a stop outside the door.

He quickly took in the carnage as he stepped into the room. He could feel his heart beating hard as he finally picked Sonny out. He was curled into his pillows. "My God. What the hell happened?!" He saw a body covered with a sheet laying partially on the bed.

"I'm not certain." Bri looked up, relieved Rico had arrived. "That's Strohe. The police have been called." He shook himself. "Look, we need to get Sonny out of here and cleaned up."

Rico took Bri's place near Sonny, while the doctor cleared the room for a few moments. He closed the door for more privacy. Rico took Sonny's limp hands in his and gave them a squeeze. "It's all right, Sonny. It's over now."

"I--I thought he shot me...."

Rico shook his head. "You're fine, Sonny." Rico was having trouble keeping a handle on his anger. How could anyone have let this happen? But Sonny did not need an outburst from him right now. He needed stability and reassurance.

Rico helped Sonny into a gown and into his chair. As he pushed the chair into the bathroom, Rico saw Bri gathering up Sonny's things so he could be moved to another room.

Sonny sat in the shower as the warm water streamed over his body. Stripped down to his underwear, Rico stepped into the shower with his partner and gently started to wash the blood from Sonny's face and hair. As Sonny reached for the shampoo bottle, Rico noticed the horrible bruises appearing on his wrist and forearm.

"Sonny," he gently reached for his partner's hand. "My God, does this hurt? How did... I mean, did Strohe do this to you?"

Very slowly, Sonny began to come back into himself. He nodded in answer to one, or both of Rico's questions.

"It hurts...." Rico nodded slowly. "It would." He could clearly make out the outline of a hand and fingers in the rapidly darkening bruises.

"Will he come back, Rico?" The fear and horror in Sonny's eyes was painfully clear.

"He's dead, Sonny. You're safe now."

"That's what Bri said before."

Guilt ripped at Rico. Why had he not been here? He could have prevented this from happening. He should have stopped Sonny from ever having to have looked down the barrel of Strohe's gun. "I'm so sorry." Rico rinsed the last of the shampoo from Sonny's hair. He ran his fingers through the wet, blond mass. "He must have simply cracked."

"Who killed him?"

Rico thought for a moment. Who the hell had killed him? Then his mind flashed back to the scene, and to Izzy being lead away by security guards. "Jesus," he thought aloud. "Izzy did. Izzy shot him." He moved around to crouch in front of Sonny.

"Travellyan must have warned Izzy. Izzy was the only one who could take the extreme measures Travellyan must have wanted taken."

Sonny looked away. This was all too much. Rico saw the expression in his eyes, and understood. Sonny needed time, time to absorb all this and to come to terms with it.

"Come on, Sonny, let's get you dry."

When they emerged from the bathroom, Sonny in a fresh pair of pajamas and Rico fully clothed, Fielding was waiting for them. "We've found another room for you, Sonny. I've had all your stuff moved."

When they reached the new room, Rico showed Bri the horrific bruises now clearly visible on Sonny's wrist.

"Oh Jesus...." Fielding mentally kicked himself for not checking Sonny over. "Right, Sonny, we're going to have to get you to x-ray." Sonny did not respond, just stared blankly at his new bed.

"Are you okay, Sonny?" Bri was seriously concerned about his patient's state of mind. Sonny nodded silently. "I'm going to call Mike DeLelo. He's the recommended police psychiatrist and I understand you know him?"

"Yeah." Sonny spoke quietly.

"I'd like him to talk to you. This, on top of everything else...." Bri steadied himself. "Well, you didn't need it did you?"

Rico could hear the anger simmering in Bri's voice. He knew precisely how he felt. Rico wanted to scream and yell at someone - anyone - for allowing this to happen. But there was no one to blame; except maybe Izzy, and he had just saved Sonny's life. No one could have known that Strohe would go right over the edge.

While Fielding alerted x-ray, Rico sat quietly with Sonny. His partner seemed to be far away. He did not seem to be feeling the agonizing pain from his arm. That scared Rico. Gently, he took Sonny's undamaged hand in his. "It's okay, Sonny. It's all over."


	5. "Very few have seen what I've seen, even fewer have felt what I've felt."

Twenty minutes later, Sonny was sitting in orthopedics watching the technician prepare the inner sleeve of his cast. Bri had seen, in black and white, the damage Strohe had inflicted on his patient. Two of the smaller bones in Sonny's right wrist were fractured. Bri had stared hard at the x-ray for a moment.

That sadistic bastard had succeeded in snatching away a large part of Sonny's new-found independence. Bri could feel his anger building again.

Sonny looked so miserable as the technician carefully pulled the soft material over his hand, wrist and forearm. Six to eight weeks with his hand and wrist in a cast meant a loss of his hard fought freedom. His disappointment had combined with shock and exhaustion to leave him with no control over the tears that slowly leaked from his eyes.

When Rico saw the tears, he'd had to leave the room. In the corridor, he slammed his fist into the wall with frustrated fury. He left a small dent in the wall and the stinging in his hand made him try to shake it out.

Bri had followed Rico and heard the detective quietly cursing under his breath. He touched a stiff shoulder. When Rico looked up, Bri saw tears in his eyes as well.

"Why?" The question hung in the air.

Bri just looked at him and shrugged. "It was a cowardly act, turning on a helpless man." Bri shrugged. "Strohe obviously 'lost it' somewhere along the line." Tired, the doctor leaned against the door-jam. "It's a set-back, I know. But it'll only push his progress back a few days."

"But his swimming, his pushing himself around.... Walking on crutches even...."

"No. Listen," Bri tried to reassure him, "it's a fiberglass cast, so it's not so critical that it stay absolutely dry. We'll put a plastic bag over it, secure it at the elbow and he'll be able to swim all he wants. Sonny's come so far. He'll cope." He saw the exhaustion in Rico's features. "Look, you're both upset and tired. Sonny's in mild shock. As soon as they've finished, we'll get him back to his room. Get him something hot to drink and let him get some sleep."

**************************************************

Rico sat and quietly watched Sonny sleep. His partner was curled on his side, with his newly casted wrist propped on a pillow in front of him. He was asleep but he shifted restlessly, sometimes muttering softly.

Reaching gently for Sonny's left hand, Rico gently stroked the fingers that clutched the stuffed alligator. Where was the 'nursery magic fairy' when you really needed one? Rico prayed Sonny was not having bad dreams.

The room darkened as the last of day's light faded. Tomorrow, Sonny would face the questions of homicide detectives, IAD investigators and have a chat with DeLelo. Rico was grateful that Fielding had flatly informed the police that Detective Tubbs had to be there during Sonny's questioning.

 

Rico woke with a start. Opening his eyes he saw Sonny, by the light of the outside street-lamps, struggling to get into his wheelchair on the other side of the bed. He was having difficulty transferring himself from the bed to the chair. Sonny'd had no time to become accustomed to the cast, he was weary and still in a great deal of pain. Rubbing sleep from his eyes, Rico sat up. "Sonny. Are you okay?"

"I just need to use the bathroom." He grouched in reply. "I'm fine."

Too damned tired to hear the warnings in his partner's tone, Rico muttered, "Here, use the bedpan. You're in no state to get out of bed tonight."

But Sonny seemed determined. "No. I can manage." Rico frowned at the edge in his partner's voice. Sonny continued, "I'm not a cripple."

Rico was mildly surprised by Sonny's mood. "I'm not implying you are, Partner. But you've just had your wrist fractured."

Sonny ignored him, and continued to struggle. Giving up on trying to talk him out of it, Rico got up and started to help Sonny into the chair. When Sonny first felt Rico's hands on him, it warmed him. But Strohe's words were echoing through his mind, still tormenting him.

Sonny shrugged Rico off, but his partner could be just as determined. Rico was not going to let Sonny hurt himself simply because he was being stubborn. Finally, Sonny reluctantly accepted Rico's help. But he insisted on wheeling the chair himself, even though Bri had advised against it.

Rico watched the bathroom door close. Sonny was definitely unhappy. He glanced at his watch. It was way past time for his partner to have his night meds, so he went out to the nurses desk to ask for them.

 

As he struggled painfully in the bathroom, Sonny felt his tears stinging his eyes. He was so tired. His wrist hurt and his back ached. It would be so easy to call Rico, to get the assistance he required and to get back to bed quickly. But again, he heard Strohe's words, 'You're a child... helpless little woman....' Harshly, he wiped the tears from his eyes. "I'm not a child! I can do this myself."

What if there was something wrong with him? Why couldn't he control his emotions? Why did he keep bursting into tears like a baby? A terrible thought crept in. Maybe he had suffered some sort of brain damage and had reverted to his childhood....

'You're a pitiful cripple!'

*I am a cripple. Why the hell does Rico stay with me? It must be out of pity?* Sonny looked down at himself in disgust. *He can't love me - he can't possibly find *this* attractive!*

'You're not a man....'

'You're a pitiful cripple!'.

Anger surged through Sonny. *Yeah, I'm a cripple'* Sonny thought through utter misery. *And you've made it worse, you bastard!* Abruptly, he brought the cast down heard against the safety railings next to the toilet. White hot spikes of agony shot through his wrist and arm. Sonny had to bite down on his cry of pain, and squeeze his eyes shut against the rising flood of tears.

Eventually, Sonny backed himself out of the bathroom and wheeled himself awkwardly back to the bed. His wrist was starting to throb unbearably. He noticed Groggy tucked into the sheets and pulled it out. The plush fur was soft against his skin and for some reason made him think of safety and love.

'You're a child clutching at soft toys.'

Miserably, Sonny opened the locker door and threw the toy inside.

 

Rico opened the door to Sonny's room in time to see the alligator being put away. Something was going on in Sonny's head that Rico just could not figure. As Rico attempted to help Sonny back into bed, he questioned him about Groggy. But Sonny just shrugged it off.

Rico settled back into the chair and watched Sonny trying to get comfortable. When the nurse came to give Sonny his meds, for the first time, Sonny asked her what the pills were. She explained that one tablet was a pain-killer/anti-inflammatory, the other was a muscle relaxant. They would help him sleep.

Sonny knew too well the effects that the drugs would have on him. After a short time, the pain would go away, and he would be able to sleep. They were effects he was powerless to stop once he had taken the pills. But he remembered the confusion he had felt during Strohe's first visit. What if he had been in that state when Strohe had returned? Would the madman simply have shot him out of disgust? Sonny was scared, beyond all reason, that it would all happen again. That if he took the pills, he would be completely unable to control anything that happened to him.

He looked up at the nurse. "I'm not in pain." He lied. "I'll sleep fine." The feeling that he had rejected something important bore down on Sonny. He closed his eyes, once again fighting to stop the tears of misery that were threatening.

The nurse was surprised. Sonny had never been a difficult patient before. Her concerned gaze met Rico's. He knew as well as she did that Sonny was in pain. It was very obvious. Why would he lie?

She gave Rico the pill cup, completely against regulation. "Note what time he takes them." She kept her voice low, not wanting any argument from the patient, and not wanting to upset him. It was clear that something was wrong. Rico was the one to try to sort it out. He nodded his understanding and watched the nurse leave.

Sonny was shifting, unable to get comfortable.

"Sonny, do you want me to read to you?"

Sonny hesitated. He so wanted to say yes. The sound of Rico's voice made him feel safe and secure, it also would help him to sleep on a night he knew his dreams would be haunted by Strohe's words. But he could heat that awful, mocking voice in his head. 'You're a child...' "No." He reluctantly gave his answer.

For a long while, Rico sat silently listening to Sonny's breathing. His partner was not sleeping. Rico thought that maybe Sonny needed to work things out, things about the afternoon's incident. He wished Sonny would talk to him. The impact Strohe could have had on his partner was enormous. Rico was sure that Sonny had remembered Bodelle shooting him, or at least bits of it. From what he had said to Rico - "I thought he shot me" - it sounded like Sonny had relived the shooting right there and then.

After some time, the rhythm of Sonny's breathing changed. He fell into an uneasy sleep. Exhausted himself, Rico began to doze.

 

The sounds of Sonny, screaming in terror, yanked Rico back to consciousness. His partner was huddled against the pillows, partly sitting, beads of sweat sliding down his forehead. He was muttering something over and over. Only when Rico stopped and listened closely, could he hear the separate words. "...oh god not again please not again oh god not again...."

Rico quickly sat on the bed and pulled Sonny's shaking body into his arms. "Sonny, it's okay, it was just a nightmare. It's okay." On first contact, Sonny was stiff in his arms, but finally he gave in. He curled against Rico, his mutterings quieted, and his trembling slowly ceased. Rico soothingly stroked his hand over Sonny's hair, hugging him close.

When Rico thought the last images of the nightmare had left his partner, he lifted Sonny's face to look into the frightened and tired eyes. "What's been bothering you, Love?"

Sonny reached up and took Rico's hand. He looked down at it, so dark against his own paling skin. It was the first time Rico had called him by any affectionate phrase. To Rico, it had just happened naturally. For Sonny, it lit a warm glow inside him.

Rico had kicked off his shoes. He pulled the sheets around Sonny, ensuring he stayed warm. Patiently, he waited for his partner to speak, somehow knowing that, eventually, he would.

Sonny started playing with Rico's fingers. "Strohe... Strohe called me a cripple...." *Strohe called me names - God, you sound pathetic.* "It's - it's not important, Rico."

"Sonny. Look at me." When his partner did not raise his head, Rico kissed Sonny's forehead. Sonny looked up. "This afternoon, you watched a man killed in front of you, a man who was holding a gun to your head. Everything's important. Strohe's upset you. He's dead and he's *still* making your life a misery. Tell me what he said to you."

"He told me I wasn't a man. I was a child playing with cuddly toys. He said I was covering for you, that I was your helpless little woman." Tears of self-loathing began to roll down Sonny's face. "Rico, I'm so scared. There's gotta be something wrong with me. I can't control my emotions. I keep thinking maybe there was some brain damage...."

Rico listened, shocked and angered at what Strohe had said to Sonny. He could not believe that even Strohe could have sunk to such depths. When Sonny crumpled in heaving sobs, Rico gently rocked him in his embrace.

"Sonny, everything you're feeling is natural." He gently rubbed Sonny's back. "Fielding told me that when you're in constant pain and being medicated regularly, it's common for your actual brain chemistry to change. It can alter your moods, your personality. It can even affect your ability to control your emotions." Sonny looked up at him with a glimmer of hope in his swollen, tear-filled eyes.

"You've been through so much trauma, Sonny. You're getting better." Rico continued to rock Sonny and rub his back. "The pain will go away. The drugs will stop. As you heal, your emotional state will stabilize. I promise."

"But Strohe said...."

"Don't think about what Strohe said." Rico held Sonny tighter. "Just forget it. The man had cracked. You know how much he hated you. If you weren't as strong as you are, you wouldn't have come this far. You wouldn't have been able to cope with the constant pain. You wouldn't push yourself forward the way that I've seen you do." Rico was determined to get this through to Sonny. "You're the most amazing man I have ever met. And I love you." He would keep saying that to Sonny until he believed it.

Carefully, Rico let go of Sonny and stood. Going around to the locker, he retrieved Groggy and returned to the bed. Once again, sitting beside Sonny, he pulled him into his arms. Rico put Groggy on the bed in front of them. "What does that toy mean to you, Sonny?"

Sonny looked at Groggy, then up at Rico. There was confusion in his drying eyes. "What do you mean?"

"You sit and play with it. You sleep with it in your hands. Why?"

"Because it... feels nice." He shrugged. "I don't really know. Everything hurts so much, it's nice to feel something soft...." Sonny picked up the toy. "It gives me something to do with my hands I guess."

Rico nodded. "So what's wrong with that? Did it bother you before Strohe said anything?"

Sonny shook his head. "Stan and Gina, everyone in the office - they gave him to me. And that...." He indicated the bear sitting on the windowsill. "It was a present."

"Exactly. Forget what Strohe said. It's your friends you need to be listening to. The people who care about you. Like me."

Sonny thought for a while. "I'm sorry I gave the nurse a difficult time about my pills." He fiddled with the fur on Groggy's back. "It just scared me all of a sudden."

"What scared you?" Rico wasn't sure what this part was about. "Not being in control." Sonny drew a shaky breath. "What if I'd been drugged and asleep when Strohe arrived? Like the first time."

"Oh, God, Sonny." It had never occurred to Rico that Sonny would suddenly be afraid of his meds - out of control - vulnerable. " No one's going to hurt you any more. Strohe's dead. You're safe." He hugged Sonny tightly. "You need to take your meds so you can rest and heal. Okay?"

Sonny was quiet for a while. "Did the nurse give you my pills?"

"Yeah. You don't lie very well for an undercover cop." Sonny smiled at Rico.

Once Sonny had taken the meds, he looked up at Rico. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Sure Sonny. I'm not going anywhere."

"I mean - " Sonny could hear that inner voice, mocking him. But it was growing quieter, and he really wanted this. "Will you hold me?"

Rico smiled. He slipped under the sheets, on his back, and Sonny curled up around to him, his casted wrist rested on Rico's stomach, his head on Rico's chest. "S'that okay?" Sonny inquired, his words starting to slur.

Rico gently combed his fingers through Sonny's soft hair. "That's perfect."

**************************************************

First Homicide, then Internal Affairs detectives spoke to Sonny the following morning. IAD had been apologizing to Castillo since the incident occurred. As an apology to Sonny, for their errant detective, they had paid for an electric wheelchair to be made available to him until he was properly able to use a manual chair again.

Rico sat quietly and listened to Sonny twice recount what happened. He remembered it all, up until Strohe pulling his gun. Past that, it was really a blur. He could remember what was said, but not what happened.

Mike DeLelo arrived mid afternoon and found only Rico in the room. Sonny had managed to persuade Fielding to let him go swimming. Despite the friendship that existing between his partner and DeLelo, Rico could not bring himself to get on with the guy. Too many bad memories. After Sonny's three-month amnesia-induced nightmare, DeLelo had not been entirely supportive. He had offered to help Rico come to terms with the loss of his partner, but Rico had insisted that he would continue working with Sonny. DeLelo had advised that Sonny be suspended until the truth came out, even though Sonny's doctor had said that the truth might *never* come out; Sonny may never remember.

So Rico had done the only thing he could think of doing. He threatened to resign unless Sonny was treated with a little more respect. It'd had the right effect. Castillo had stepped in and taken Sonny back to work - desk duty only. But it had given Crockett something to take his mind off the three-month hole in his memory.

Rico knew, however, that Sonny often met Mike for a drink in the evening. Sonny was like that. He would see through the facade that a lot of people built around them, to the person inside. Sonny had liked what he had seen in DeLelo. Rico had to admit to himself, that he was a little jealous of Mike. But Sonny did not have boyfriends. Rico knew that his relationship with Sonny was new ground as far as his partner was concerned. Mike was just a friend, like Sonny's many other friends.

 

When DeLelo arrived, Rico remembered that he owed the man an apology. Back when Sonny had just been taken into surgery for the third time, Rico had let his anger loose on Mike. He was not sure what he would have done if Stan had not have stepped in. So Rico made his apology, and Mike told him that he had forgotten the incident already. It had been a stupid question to ask. Rico's reaction was exactly what he should have expected.

So with the truce in place, the two men sat down to wait for Sonny's return.

 

Sonny had other ideas. He did not want to speak to DeLelo. He liked Mike. But as far as Sonny was concerned, his personal privacy had been invaded enough lately. He planned to go straight to the pediatrics unit after his swim.

Bri sat down by the pool. He admired his patient's willpower and strength. This time yesterday, Sonny was sitting almost catatonic on his bed, a dead body across the sheets in front of him. The body of a man who had threatened to shoot him. Fielding had also realized that Sonny must have remembered the night on the docks, or at least some of it.

The doctor had been sitting in his office, content that Sonny would speak to the psychiatrist about it, when suddenly the same thought that had crossed Sonny's mind had crossed his own. For two months Sonny'd had no privacy. He had woken surrounded by invasive tubes. He'd had nurses and doctors prodding and poking him. He had been bathed by strangers. And even now he had come so far, his body was still being manipulated by the physical therapist. His dignity and pride were as low as his self-esteem. He was not going to sit and talk to a psychiatrist.

Fielding knew he had been wrong to suggest it. In most cases it was the right thing to do. But not in Crockett's case.

Sonny surfaced and looked over at Fielding. Before he could speak, Bri pre-empted him. "You're not going to talk to DeLelo, are you?" Sonny shook his head. "I'm sorry, Sonny. I should have asked you. You were in no state to make any decisions yesterday and I felt so guilty about what happened."

"I talked to Rico last night." He smiled ruefully. "I don't want everybody knowing what's going on in my head. It's the only part of me that's still a secret."

Bri looked up at the clock on the wall. "Well, maybe we should let Rico talk to DeLelo, and you and I should go get a coffee."

It was the first time Sonny had eaten or drank outside his room in two months. The hospital canteen was a sight for sore eyes. When he told this to Bri, the doctor said that maybe they should start to get Sonny out more.

Even the coffee tasted heavenly. As they sat together, Sonny finally asked his doctor what he had been wanting to ask for weeks; when could he go home?

Fielding had been thinking about that too. Sonny's insurance company was beginning to hassle the hospital administrators about the cost of Sonny being kept there. But even though Ben Waltham was no longer in the state, his influence remained. Sonny was not going home until *he* felt that he was ready.

"Do you feel ready, Sonny?" Reluctantly, Sonny said no, he did not. "I'll be a lot happier about discharging you when you're walking using crutches. Until then, I don't think either you or Rico could cope. I would like you to get out for a day-trip or two. Maybe you and Rico could catch a matinee, or even just go for a drive." He saw Sonny's face light up. "Rico drives. Obviously. I've seen your car!"

Sonny nodded in agreement. "Sounds *great* to me."

"I understand you live on a boat?"

"Yeah...."

"Well, I spoke to Ben last night, do you remember Ben Waltham?" The name was vaguely familiar, but Sonny could not place it. "He was the neurosurgeon that operated on you." Sonny nodded. He remembered. "He and I used to be quite close. He has a beach house over on St. Andrews in the Bahamas. I asked him if it was okay for you and Rico to stay there for a couple of weeks, once you were out of here."

Bri found himself almost drowning in Sonny's grateful gaze. "That would be incredible.... Is he sure?"

"He's very proud of you, Sonny. Your recovery has been miraculous. And there's not a lot he wouldn't do if I asked him." Bri smiled mischievously. He read the look on Sonny's face and raised a halting finger. "I'm talking in several weeks, Sonny. When you first get out, you'll have to spend at least five days at Rico's place. There's no way you'll be able to manage on the boat. And, of course, the physiotherapist will want to see you every day." Sonny nodded reluctantly. "I think the best idea is for Rico to learn how to do your exercises with you. That way you can continue doing them when you're on the island."

In Sonny's mind he could picture himself and Rico walking along the beach. He could almost feel the sun on his skin. God, he missed feeling the sun. Finally, he brought himself back to the present. "Thanks, Bri. I really appreciate it. You've done so much already."

"Umm...." Fielding's gaze fell on Sonny's casted wrist. *I should have done more.*

 

DeLelo stopped pacing and glanced at his watch. "I'm gonna have to go."

Rico smiled. He, too, had finally realized that Sonny was not going to talk to this man. Sonny was probably in the pediatrics unit right now, reading to his new found friends.

 

"Sonny, can we talk about what happened yesterday?" Sonny frowned. "I know, I know, this is why you're here and not sitting talking to DeLelo. But I think you remembered something yesterday. And I think you should talk about that one thing."

Sonny thumbed his cast. "When Strohe pulled the gun, I went back to that night, the night I was shot. I saw Bodelle. I saw him pull his gun." Sonny looked up at Fielding. "I remembered what I was thinking as he pulled the trigger. I thought he was going to shoot Rico. See, Rico had been the main player, I was just his partner in this one. That was why I wasn't going by the name 'Burnett', which I normally would. I saw the gun and I heard it go off. And I felt the bullet hit me, like I'd been punched really hard. Then there was a white-hot pain. And then nothing."

Bri watched him intently as he spoke. Sonny seemed to have already worked all this through. "Do you want to know what happened after that?"

"Rico told me everything up to my being shot."

"Did he tell you that he rescued you from the water?"

Sonny looked confused. "What water?"

"You fell over the edge of the docks, into the ocean. Rico dived in after you and saved you from drowning. I know this because when Rico arrived with you here, we tried to check him out for hypothermia and shock."

"Tried?"

"According to the medic who took care of him, he wouldn't stay in the treatment room. He was too concerned about you."

Sonny absorbed this new information. Suddenly, there was somewhere else he wanted to be.

 

Sonny grinned at Tubbs as he found his room empty except for his partner. Rico tried to scowl at Sonny. "How could you leave me with him? You know how I feel about the guy!"

"Sorry, Partner. I decided sometime last night that I wasn't going to talk to him. I thought Fielding would freak. But he found me at the pool and bought me coffee."

Rico winced. "The stuff from the canteen?"

"Umm, yeah. Wonderful."

"Aw, Sonny, you really will have to get out more!"

Rico waited while Sonny used the bathroom, then helped his partner back up onto the bed. "Fielding told me that on the night I was shot, you rescued me from the water. And when the medic here tried to check you over, you refused."

Rico sat down on the bed opposite Sonny. "I was concerned about you. You would have done the same if it had been me."

Sonny took hold of his partner's hand. "I want you to promise me something." He looked directly into Rico's eyes. "When we go back to work, you won't protect me. There's always the risk that it's going to happen again. After yesterday, I don't know what'll happen out there. I don't want you getting shot because...."

It dawned on Rico exactly where Sonny was going with this. He leaned forward and silenced Sonny's lips with his own. "Let's cross that bridge," he whispered, "when we come to it. Okay?"

Sonny nodded, and leaned closer in the hope that he could get a replay of the kiss. Rico's mouth gently claimed his and Sonny felt a warm shiver run through him.

When the kiss ended, Rico stayed close. "Did Bri tell you about the beach house on St. Andrews?"

Sonny nodded. He should have known that Fielding would have cleared the plan with Rico first. "It sounds wonderful. Two weeks, alone with you. No nurses, no doctors, just me and you. Sun, sand and surf."

"Are you okay with me doing your therapy?"

Sonny nodded. "If you don't mind." He looked up into Rico's loving eyes. "You must be sick of all this."

Rico shook his head. "Never. I'm in this with you, in case you hadn't noticed."

Sonny smiled at Rico's use of the usual phrases they used while they were working. Sonny thought back to those too few confession-type conversations they would sometimes have. Too tough to get too close, but still trying to tell each other the depth of their feelings for one another.

There would be no more of those carefully-worded conversations. Now Rico could tell Sonny that he loved him, and mean it. And Sonny would know he meant it. Now, when they wanted to touch, they could. When the only thing that could make the pain go away, even just briefly, was a hug, they could hold each other close.

**************************************************

Four days later Sonny's wrist was x-rayed to ensure the bones were knitting properly. A week after Strohe had almost killed him, Sonny was allowed back into his program of regular physiotherapy.

But every night, after the meds had worn off sufficiently, Sonny would wake screaming and sweating from the same nightmare. In his dream, Sonny was sitting cross-legged on his hospital bed. Suddenly, the room would erupt in flames. He was tangled in the sheets, unable to move. He could not reach his wheelchair; it was just out of reach. He legs simply would not respond. It did not take a psychology degree to interpret the images.

Fielding tried to reassure Sonny. But in his therapy sessions, Sonny was pushing himself harder and harder. He wanted his independence back. He wanted to walk again.

The constant interruptions to Sonny and Rico's sleeping patterns were starting to take their toll. After his morning therapy sessions, Sonny was totally exhausted. He returned to his room and would sleep through the afternoon. It was only at night, in the dark, that the nightmare haunted him.

This had been going on for five days, when Martin Castillo dropped in to see his detective. He had seen how drained Rico looked the day before and remarked on it. Rico had explained about Sonny's nightmares. So Martin had brought Sonny a present.

It was shortly after lunchtime when Castillo arrived. Sonny'd had his midday meds about an hour before, and was sleeping. Fielding spotted the Lieutenant just outside the door of Sonny's room.

"Lieutenant, how are you?" They shook hands.

"Fine, thank you." He nodded toward the door. "Can I visit?"

"Certainly, just go quietly." Bri advised. "Don't make any sudden moves or loud noises. Strohe really shook him up. When he wakes, try to stay in his line of sight until he's completely alert."

Castillo nodded.

It was the first time Martin had seen Sonny sleeping on his back. He must have been exhausted. Martin reached down and took Sonny's left hand gently into his. Sonny's eyes opened slowly, he smiled. "Marty...."

Castillo sat carefully on the edge of the bed. "You're having trouble sleeping?"

"Umm... bad dreams."

"IAD has been very apologetic. But I thought I could do something constructive." Martin picked up the small box he had placed on the windowsill. He opened it as Sonny watched with curious eyes. Inside was a small, ceramic globe and a tiny night-light candle. Martin placed the candle on the bedside locker, and lit it. Then he placed the globe over the candle. The small, cut-out areas of ceramic were done in the shape of stars and moons. It was difficult to see the effect of the shapes in the light, but at night, they would project on to the walls and ceiling.

"It's a smokeless candle, so no problem with hospital regulations."

Sonny looked at the present in wonder. "Thank you."

Martin blew out the candle. "I hope it helps." He turned his attention back to Sonny. "How are you feeling, Sonny?" "Okay."

Martin frowned at him. "You don't have to do that."

Sonny smiled. "Habit. Sorry. I'm sick of this place - desperate to get out of here." Martin watched him as he sat up, and tried to find a comfortable position. "*But*," Sonny continued, "the therapist says that maybe in a another few days I can start practicing with crutches."

"Anything you need?"

"Decent food? Only joking." Martin smiled at his detective. He could not shake the image of Sonny lying in the recovery room the night it all started. Needing to be closer, he took Sonny's hand again.

"Please, Sonny. Don't do this to me again."

Sonny saw the expression on his boss's face. His voice softened. "Marty, I'm okay. Honestly. Rico's doing... everything. He's wonderful. I don't know what I'd have done without him." He met Martin's gaze. "Hey, maybe you could persuade him to go back to work. He really should...."

Castillo instantly shook his head. "Not yet. It's too early. I don't want him on the street. He'd be too preoccupied." He gently squeezed Sonny's hand. His detective shifted again. He obviously was not comfortable, but Martin was only going to help if Sonny asked him. "You need Rico here. And he needs to be here with you. He does some paperwork when he comes in in the mornings."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Recover. You're not working until you're cleared by the doctors and ready to work." He squeezed Sonny's hand. "Rest. Relax. Get better for us."

Sonny retrieved a squashed Groggy from under him. Martin smiled when he saw it. "Is that what Stan brought you?" Sonny nodded and handed the stuffed toy to his boss. "He brought the giant bear to the office with him, but I thought I saw something green with it as well. He's got quite an imagination. If he'd left it to me, I would have brought you grapes."

"Grapes!" Sonny perked up. "Marty, I long for grapes." Martin smiled and handed Groggy back. "There's a boy in pediatrics, Jamie. He's kinda fond of it. I figured I'd give it to him, when I eventually get out of here." Sonny smiled. "'Sides, if I take it home, Elvis'll only eat it." His boss chuckled. "Have I had any phone calls?"

"Hundreds," Castillo nodded, "literally."

Sonny frowned, suddenly feeling very helpless. "I'm sorry, so many things I should be doing...."

"Don't apologize! We're lucky to have you here, we're just thankful for that. I hadn't realized how popular 'Burnett' is. You won't want to come back when you see the growing mountain of paperwork on your desk."

Sounding a bit like Homer Simpson, Sonny remarked, "Ummmmm, paperwork....".

 

Through the following week, Sonny's therapy sessions became more intense as he tried to walk with the crutches. At Sonny's request, Rico started attending some of the sessions with him. Rico experienced first-hand the pressure that Sonny put on himself during these sessions. Sonny wanted to walk using crutches - that was the current goal.

While he still had the electric wheelchair, Sonny spent a couple of afternoons in the pediatric unit. Being with the kids was something else that had made the last month bearable. They would line up, taking turns, sitting on Sonny's lap as he took them for a 'ride'. For Sonny, it was worth the exhaustion just to see the smiling faces, especially Jamie's.

As Rico learned to do Sonny's physiotherapy, it became obvious to him just how tiring the exercises were. The therapist warned him to keep a close eye on Sonny. During the first week, when he had collapsed at the parallel bars, it had been because she was not used to reading him. Sonny was just too good at times, at hiding the strain and pain. It was important that Rico remember that. Rico assured her that he too was becoming an expert at reading Sonny's reactions.

For Sonny and Rico, it was a painful struggle. Sonny tired quickly and usually pushed himself to the brink of exhaustion. Rico hated to see his partner in pain, and always urged him to stop when it became clear Sonny was over-doing it.

But when Sonny walked unaided, except for his crutches, from one side of the therapy room to the other, it had been worth all the effort and all the agony.

**************************************************

Sonny turned the water off in the shower and reached around the curtain for the towel. Drying off quickly, he reached for the clean pajamas he had left on the counter. What the...? He blinked in surprise as he encountered different clothes than he had brought in with him.

Opening the curtain, he stood carefully and looked at what he had found. A pair of tan chinos and a pale blue polo shirt were waiting for him. Rico must have brought them in while he was showering, but he had no idea why. Not having much choice, either the towel or these new clothes, Sonny dressed quickly. They fit well. Grabbing his crutches, he left the steamy bathroom.

Rico was waiting for him. "Looking good, Sonny." He held up a pair of leather Dockers and socks. "Want some help with these?"

"Rico," Sonny settled on the edge of the bed, "what's the occasion? Why am I dressed in this stuff?" He accepted the shoes and socks but made no move to put them on.

"Well," Rico's grin got even wider, "I thought you might want to wear something besides pajamas for a ride in the Ferrari."

"What?" Sonny was flabbergasted. "You mean I get to escape this place?" It hadn't sunk in quite yet.

"Well, Bri felt it was time to get you out of here for a while." Rico saw the realization finally hit Sonny. "Only for the day." He shook his finger at his now nearly glowing partner. "And Bri wants to check you out before we go."

 

Bri insisted on accompanying Sonny, an expert now with his crutches, out of the hospital to the curb. Rico had gone ahead to bring the car up to the entrance. The doctor would have felt a lot happier about this if Sonny was using the wheelchair, at least then there would be less of a chance that Sonny would over-extend himself. But he had to be practical. Sonny owned a Ferrari Testarossa. Engine in the boot, carrying space for a small rodent under the hood. There was no way the chair was going in the car, and Rico had assured Bri that taking Sonny's beloved Ferrari would make his patient a very happy man.

"Sonny," Bri was really trying to impress this on his favourite patient, "if you have any problems - too much pain, spasms or cramps - I want you back here as soon as possible. Okay?" Sonny nodded but Bri was not sure he was really paying attention. And as they waited for the elevator to reach the lobby, he turned and caught Sonny's eye. "I'm serious, Sonny. If you overdo it and hurt yourself, you'll be stuck here even longer than anticipated. Understand?"

"Yes, Bri," Sonny rolled his eyes and started off the elevator. "I won't overdo it. If I have any unusual pains, or spasms or cramps, I'm to get back here pronto." The automatic doors at the entrance opened and Sonny found himself smiling in the sunshine.

Bri shook his head, but smiled. This was a good idea. Sonny needed to get out for a while. Rico and the Ferrari appeared and Sonny's eyes sparkled. Freedom *and* his car.

Rico jumped out to help Sonny get in and Bri handed him a card with a couple of numbers written on it. "My direct line here at the hospital and my pager number." He held the crutches and Rico helped Sonny get settled in the passenger seat. "Any problems, give me a call and then get him back here. Okay?"

"You bet." Rico couldn't help but smile. Sonny was so happy to be 'escaping' this place. "What about his meds?"

"All taken care of," Bri handed Rico a prescription envelope. "I know he won't want to 'sleep' the afternoon away, so there are two half-doses in there. If he's okay, he can take just one dose at lunch. If he needs more, give him the second dose but at that point it would probably be best to wait until he gets back here."

"Come on, Rico," Sonny remarked impatiently. "The day's a wastin'."

 

Sonny was squinting at the scenery, when Rico tapped him on the shoulder. "Almost forgot," Rico handed him his sunglasses and turned back to driving.

"Thanks." He slipped them on and smiled. He could almost pretend everything was back to normal.

"So," Rico started, a few moments later, as they waited for the light to change, "any particular places you'd like to go? Or do you want to just drive around for awhile? Or...?"

"Hmmm," Sonny considered. He had not really thought much beyond just getting the hell out of the hospital for a while. "Can't think of any place special at the moment. Whatever you want to do is fine with me." He settled back in the seat.

Rico nodded and they headed south on the highway out of the city staying along the coastline. He and Bri had discussed some possibilities. The doctor had ruled out visiting OCB. He did not want Sonny going there just yet. They wanted this to be a relatively stress free day.

Rico followed the highway out of Miami and down to Kreggie Point, one of Sonny's favourite spots. Rico knew his partner often brought the St.Vitus down here. There was not much around, a small marina with a couple of boats moored, a closed-down ice-cream parlour, and several wooden benches.

With the aid of the crutches and his partner, Sonny clambered out of the low car and hobbled over to one of the benches. Just to smell the fresh air, and to feel the breeze blowing was amazing - at once familiar and foreign. It seemed strange that having been cooped up in the hospital for so long. The things he missed were the things that he used to take for granted - including his car. As Rico drove, Sonny had felt pangs of jealousy - he treasured his car, not because it was expensive and extremely sexy-looking, but because he enjoyed driving it. He enjoyed the power beneath the hood.

Sonny desperately wanted to be able to drive again, to feel *his* car respond to him. Sitting watching the sun glinting off the ocean, he thought about the hundreds of things he was not going to be able to do for a long, long time. In the hospital, he realized, he had only ever thought about what he *could* do, the multitude of abilities he had claimed back over the months he had been in there. Now he could only seem to think about how far he still had to go.

Sitting beside his partner, Rico stayed quiet, allowing Sonny time to adjust. But when he saw tears start to fall, he moved closer and reached an arm around Sonny's shoulders. He still did not speak. Over the time he had spent nursing and supporting Sonny, he had leaned when to comfort, and when to simply be there.

After a short time, Sonny drew in a deep breath and turned to Rico. "I'm sorry."

Rico shook his head, "Nothing to apologize for."

"It just hit me, how far I still had to go. I thought I'd accomplished so much, but I haven't. I'm still so dependant, so useless...." He frowned. "So depressing to be with." The words were quiet, but Rico heard them clearly.

"Sonny, you have no idea how far you've come, do you? Three months ago I walked into the hospital Recovery room and sat by your side. The only reason they allowed us into that room was because you were dying. Do you understand? You weren't gonna make it, no one believed you were going to live." He made sure he had Sonny's full attention. "And on the off-chance that you did make it through the operations, the chances of you not being paralyzed and not being brain damaged were hardly even existent. Now look at you. Not only are you alive, you're awake, you're walking and talking. It's a miracle you're here. God, Sonny, you couldn't have come any further any faster!"

Sonny was staring at him. "I just keep thinking I should be pushing myself harder."

"I know. But you're doing so well that you've gotta be careful that you don't overdo it. You'll be out of hospital soon. I think the stay on the beach'll do us both good."

Sonny smiled. "I can't wait."

They sat silently, comfortably, listening to the water against the coast. After a while, Sonny felt himself being watched. "What's up, Partner?"

His partner was thinking. "Sonny, are you comfortable with this relationship? With us, now? Out here."

"What d'you mean? Why should out here be any different?"

"I dunno.... I'm afraid I keep remembering what you told me that night at the garage, about Evan and Mike Orgell. Your reaction to Orgell being gay." Sonny gave that small, knowing smile of his. It had been too long since Rico had seen that smile.

"That was a long time ago, Rico. I was very young, very innocent I guess. I know how I feel. And I think I know how you feel. The night I told you about Evan, and I found you in that nightclub - you left that girl and came after me. You were so wonderful that night, Rico. I dropped you home, and you got out of the car, and for one, fleeting moment, I felt something.... I don't know. But I've never forgotten it. I love you. That's all there is, but it's all I'll ever need."

"Are you sure?"

Sonny gave Rico a sideways glance. "What's wrong? After everything we've been through lately.... Are you having second thoughts?"

"No!" Rico shifted closer to Sonny, touched him. "But I know you never saw yourself as gay...."

Sonny shrugged. "You're right there. I still don't.... But that doesn't stop me wanting you and loving you. Believe me, Rico, I never thought I'd be where I am now, but I'm glad I'm here."

 

They had lunch at a quiet cafe on the way back to Miami. Real food that tasted good. A real treat for Sonny. By the time they reached the hospital, Sonny was exhausted, but happy.

Bri met the car at the curb with a wheelchair, apparently expecting Sonny to be drained from his day out. The doctor fussed about him, but Sonny insisted he was fine, just a little tired. He really was exhausted because he accepted a ride in the wheelchair without protest. Once he was back in his bed, Sonny fell asleep without the aid of the meds.

 

The doctor watched his patient, noting the contented smile on his face. He shook his head. Sometimes he found himself wondering who was going to have more difficulty backing off, he or Rico.

**************************************************

Bri paused at the door. It was going to seem strange to come to the Trauma Unit and not stop to check on Sonny. His favorite patient would be gone by tomorrow afternoon - his miracle patient. He sighed and knocked politely.

There was a muffled, "Come in."

When he pushed open the door, he found Sonny sitting on the edge of the bed sorting through cards and envelopes. "So how's my favorite patient this afternoon?" "Just great, Doc." Sonny smiled. He really did feel like a kid waiting for Christmas. He waved a hand at the mess on the bed. "I thought Rico had taken all the cards and stuff with him yesterday and today, but I found this bunch stashed in the bottom of the bedside table." He paused for a moment. "Didn't realize that I was so popular."

Bri glanced around the room. It seemed bare, sterile, now that Sonny's stuff was mostly gone. "Well, looks like you're all packed up."

"Yeah," Sonny grinned. "So any idea what time I can expect to be sprung from this place, Bri?"

"Well, I want to do one final exam." He saw Sonny roll his eyes. "Then there's the office and their paperwork - I'd say probably around 10 - 10:30."

"Good," Sonny nodded, "I'll let Rico know." He managed to shuffle the mess into two piles. Grabbing his crutches, he stood and picked up one pile and dropped in unceremoniously into the garbage can. The other pile he took over to one of the bags sitting by the locker and stuffed into the side pocket.

Bri watched Sonny. He knew better than to offer to help. "So where is Rico?"

"He took a load of my stuff to his house." Sonny made his way back to the bed and sat. He waved a hand at Bri indicating he should have a seat. "Then he said he was stopping by the station." Sonny snorted. "Oh, yeah, he also has to stop and pick me up something to wear. My stuff doesn't fit at the moment."

Bri nodded. He had nearly forgotten that Rico had asked him about bringing in a dinner for Sonny on his last night in the hospital. Hopefully, Sonny would eat well. Pulling the visitor chair close to the bed and Sonny, Bri sat. "Sonny, there's something else we need to discuss."

"Sure." He looked expectantly at the doctor, who had become a friend as well.

"Actually, it's a two fold subject." Bri hoped Sonny would be okay with this. "First, as you know, when you were admitted, you were given numerous units of blood and plasma." Sonny nodded, not quite seeing where this was leading. "Although all blood and blood products are thoroughly screened and tested, there is always a minute chance of contamination with each unit given. With the number you were transfused with, the chance increases."

Sonny nodded. Now, he seemed to know where this was heading.

"I'm talking about HIV/AIDS." Sonny nodded once again. "You've already been given a routine test for HIV and the results were negative. You'll need to be tested in six months and once again six months later. If your negative at that point, you're basically considered clear."

"Okay." Not the world's greatest news, but not completely unexpected or devastating. "And the second part?" Sonny asked.

"Well," Bri was not going to beat around the bush on this one. "You and Rico are going to have to practice safe sex." He saw Sonny's eyes widen and then a blush tinged his face. "Sonny, this is to protect Rico." Bri knew that Sonny would listen if it concerned his partner's safety. "You're going to need to wear a condom. And he won't be able to... go down on you."

"Oh, umm...." Sonny was obviously uncomfortable now. "I... uh... understand." He wasn't looking at Bri anymore, instead he was picking at the foam cushion on one of his crutches.

"Do you have any questions?" Bri wondered if there was something more was going on than Sonny being worried about AIDs and safe sex. "Rico and I have already discussed this." Sonny looked up. "Back when you were recovering from the skin graft procedure. He understands the need for the precautions." Sonny's eyes dropped again.

"Sonny, the actual possibility that you're infected is very slight after all is said and done." Bri hoped to alleviate any worries his patient had. "This is just taking reasonable precautions. Okay?"

"Sure."

Sonny still seemed uncomfortable, but Bri did not have a chance to dwell on it as his pager beeped at that moment. Glancing at the readout, he stood up. "Look, I've got to go." He gave Sonny's shoulder a brief squeeze. "If you have any questions or concerns, you know how to get a hold of me." At the door, Bri looked back at his patient still seated on the bed. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." Sonny smiled. "Really." But his smile faded as the door closed.

 

When Rico arrived with several bags, a box and a basket, he was too relieved to have gotten everything to Sonny's room without dropping anything to notice, at first, that Sonny was very quiet. His selection of a pale green henley shirt to go with the white linen slacks were greeted with a smile and thanks from his partner.

"And now for a treat," Rico began. Sonny smiled expectantly. "We're going to have a picnic supper right here in your room as a celebration of your last night in the hospital." He handed Sonny the basket. "Why don't you dig the cloth out of there?" Rico started rummaging through the box.

"Do you want to do this on the floor or on the bed?" Offering his partner the choice, though he knew it would likely be more comfortable for Sonny on the bed.

"The floor." Sonny pulled the drop cloth out and shook it open. Rico helped to spread it on the floor. Then lending an arm to hold onto, Rico watched as Sonny settled himself on one side of the cloth, leaning against the bed. "So what're we having?" He sniffed the air appreciatively. "Smells good." He finally seemed to be getting into to the mood.

"Well, I thought we'd have something special." First he retrieved a white tablecloth and spread it over the center of the drop cloth. Then, Rico reached into the basket and pulled out flatware, cloth napkins, plates, water glasses and wineglasses. Sonny frowned at the glasses. "Rico," he started. "It's a nice thought, but I can't have - "

But his partner cut him off, "I know. No alcohol. Not to worry. Okay?" Sonny nodded. Rico then pulled out a pair of candle sticks and holders setting them up on the cloth. Sonny watched as Rico put together an elaborate table setting for a 'picnic' dinner. He filled their water glasses with chilled spring water from a small cooler that had been tucked into one of the bags.

"I stopped at Abrucci's." Sonny's eyebrows raised. It was one of the best, most expensive seafood restaurants in the Miami area. "Now to start us off," Rico reached into the box and pulled out an insulated container. "We've got Clams Casino, followed by Frutta Del Mar."

The meal was delicious. And Rico was pleased. Sonny seemed to be getting some of his appetite back. He was still nibbling at a piece of Focaccia, when Rico announced. "For later, I have a great dessert for us to share. They said it was a house specialty." Sonny groaned and dropped the bread.

"I can't eat another bite." He had not eaten this much in a very long time. "I'll explode." Rico grinned.

"But Sir," he started, in an atrocious British accent, "it's just one wafer thin mint."

Sonny chuckled. "Seriously, it was a great meal, Partner. Thanks." Then he shifted uncomfortably on the hard floor. Rico noticed.

"Look, I'll clean this up." He stood and held out his arm for Sonny to pull himself up on.

After his partner was seated on the bed, Rico picked up their wineglasses and set them on the bedside table. Handing a bottle of chilled sparkling white grape juice to Sonny, he suggested. "Why don't you open that while I take some of this out to the nurses?"

Sonny was just pouring as Rico returned. He handed a glass to Rico as he sat down on the edge of the bed. As they raised their glasses, "To being discharged." Sonny toasted.

Rico grinned. "To the future." They touched glasses and drank the light sparkling liquid. Rico noticed a flicker of something dark in Sonny's eyes.

"Sonny, what's wrong?" Rico could see there was something bothering his partner.

"It's nothing, really."

"It's not nothing...." Rico frowned. "There's been something bothering you all evening." He set his glass down and took Sonny's hand in his. "You can talk to me. You should know that by know."

Sonny sighed. "Bri spoke to me earlier. He told me about the HIV risk, with all the blood they had to give to me...."

"It's a tiny risk, Sonny."

"That's not it." Sonny shook his head. "I know there's a risk, I understand that. But Bri also said he'd spoken to you about... us. Being careful."

Rico nodded, smiling in amusement. "He did broach the subject, or tried to. he was really nervous about talking to me. He wasn't sure what stage our relationship was at."

Sonny frowned, looking away. "I think he found his courage. He basically told me that we had to practice safe sex; that I had to wear a condom and that you couldn't give me a blow-job."

Rico's eyes widened. "Straight to the point then?!" Sonny nodded, he was not smiling. Rico looked at him closely. "What's up? So we have to be careful." Rico could not figure what was going on in his partner's head. "It doesn't bother me, if that's what you're worried about."

"Rico, exactly what stage do you think our relationship is at?" Sonny was studying their clasped hands, not looking directly at his partner.

The question sent shivers of cold dread through Rico. "Sonny... I thought... after you said you loved me... after we kissed."

"It was just a kiss," was Sonny's quiet reply. Shocked and upset, Rico stared at his partner. Sonny was not even looking at him. "Do you mean that?" He could not keep the hurt from his voice.

"No...." Sonny looked up, his gaze still troubled.

Relief flooded through Rico. "Then what is it?"

"I don't...." Sonny's voice trail off. He dropped his eyes, suddenly finding the glass he was still holding to be fascinating. Rico wrapped his hand over Sonny's fingers careful of the edge of the cast.

"Sonny?" He gently took the glass from his partner's hand and set it aside. Sonny finally looked up. "Talk to me. Please." Rico held onto both of his friend's hands tightly.

"I don't want you to feel obligated to stay with me." Rico blinked in surprise. Sonny continued, in a rush now to get it all stated. "You can't possibly find me physically attractive anymore. I mean, I'm too damned skinny. I've got these scars and...." He swallowed hard. "I don't want you to stay with me out of pity or some sense of duty.... I love you and that won't change. But you need to get on with your own life and stop being burdened with me."

With that said, he tried to pull his hands away from Rico's. His eyes were bright with unshed tears.

But Rico would not let go of Sonny's hands. "Sonny, I'm going to keep saying this until you believe it." He gave his partner's hands a firm squeeze, "I *love* you. You are not a burden to me." He looked directly into Sonny's stormy green eyes. "*And* you are one sexy and attractive guy. Haven't you noticed the physiotherapy aide, Karen, I think is her name, checking you out?"

A tear slipped unheeded down Sonny's cheek. "But - "

"No buts about it." Rico interrupted. He touched a finger to the wet track on Sonny's face. Then suddenly he snickered. "Well, actually, it *is* your butt she's been watching."

Sonny started to blush and Rico grinned in amusement. "I never thought I'd see you shy about the ladies, Partner."

Finally, Sonny looked up. "I've never done this before, Rico. I've never been with a guy...."

"Sonny, Love, when we're ready, I'll show you."

Sonny still looked so miserable. "It's just, when Bri said it, it sounded so... impersonal. Like we were just gonna screw each other senseless."

Rico had to suppress the laugh. "Sonny.... " He could not keep the amused smile off his face. "I'm sorry...."

Sonny looked at him, fighting his tears. Rico saw the expression in his eyes and the mirth was gone. He moved closer on the bed next to his partner. "Sonny...."

Sonny looked straight at him - confession time. "I'm scared, Rico." His desperation was clear in his voice. "The only time I've ever been with a guy, I was raped. And it hurt, Rico. It really hurt." Rico was shocked. He never imagined that Sonny would be equating them making love to what happened to him at the Dome.

"Sonny, what happened to you, and what we could share, are two completely different things. I know Cintaro hurt you, I should have realized.... I'm sorry." Rico put his hands on Sonny's shoulders. "I promise that I won't hurt you. I promise that we will take things as slow as you want, as slow as you *need*. We won't do anything you're not ready for. And we don't do anything you're not comfortable with."

At last, Sonny relaxed. He leaned into Rico, taking his hands. "I know it's stupid...."

"Sonny, it's not stupid. Everything you're feeling is natural. You were raped, for God's sake. You've dealt with victims of rape. You know the consequences. Don't for one minute think that I've forgotten what you've been through, what I was partly responsible for...." "No...."

"Yes. Sonny, I would love to screw your brains out. But when we make love, it'll be a two way thing." He placed a gentle, sensuous kiss on Sonny's mouth. "And I promise you, you'll want it just as much as me. So don't worry about it, okay?"

This time it was Sonny who claimed Rico's mouth, taking him in a deep kiss of relief and thanks.

**************************************************

**************************************************  
EXCERT FROM MIAMI TRIBUNE

"Miracle cop goes home. In five days, Vice Detective Sonny Crockett will perform a miracle, he will go home.

"Three months ago, this paper reported that Detective Crockett was rushed to the hospital with five gunshot wounds from a drugs bust that went sour. Suffering massive internal injuries, including a bullet lodged against his spine, Crockett was not expected to survive the first night. But with the support of family, friends and colleagues from the Metro Dade Vice Dept., Sonny not only survived, he's being released. He'll be walking out of the hospital on crutches, but he's expected to make a full recovery."

"The doctors at the hospital are calling the detective's recovery 'a miracle.' Dr. Bri Fielding, Chief Trauma Specialist and Internist, Crockett's physician, told us, "When Sonny was first admitted, he was so weak he couldn't breathe on his own. To look at him now.... It's incredible that he's come this far, this fast.""

"Detective Crockett has a long way to go before returning to work. But everyone here at the Tribune would like to wish him all the best."


	6. "I take thee, heart and soul, love and insanity."

Tuesday Morning

Sonny woke at his usual time - 5:30 am, but today was not going to be a usual day. He was going home today - well actually he was going to Rico's house. He lay there a few moments just listening to the noises in the corridor. God, it was going to seem so quiet when he was out of here.

Stretching slowly, he felt the usual aches and pains, but nothing too bad. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Might as well grab his shower now. He had things he wanted to do before he was officially out of here.

He smiled when he turned the light on in the bathroom. Rico had laid out Sonny's 'going home' clothes by the door. Well, that had ended up being unexpectedly embarrassing the day before.

 

When Fielding had finally confirmed five days ago that Sonny was being discharged, Sonny had asked Rico to stop by the boat and get some clothes. He was tired of pajamas, sweatpants and T-shirts. He wanted to wear some of his own clothes when he finally walked out the door.

The problem started when Sonny had tried the stuff on yesterday. Rico had unknowing chosen some of his older wardrobe for the day out - they had been okay - but it was painfully obvious that even a big belt was not going to help keep the linen slacks on Sonny. He had lost so much weight that he was swimming in his favourite clothes. It was stupid and childish but suddenly he had found himself close to tears over it.

Standing in the bathroom doorway, Sonny had flung the clothes to the floor in disgust. Rico had simply grabbed him and held him.

"Sonny, it's all right."

Sonny had wanted to push away. He wanted to stand on his own two feet, he snorted, along with the damned crutches. Jesus, every time he thought he was getting back to himself, to his life....

Rico had held onto him and continued. "Look, it's no big deal. I'll stop at the mall and get you a few things this afternoon when I run by the office." Sonny finally sighed and relaxed in his partner's embrace.

"I'm sorry. I know it's a stupid thing." He sniffed. "Jesus, I should be ecstatic just to be getting the hell out of this place."

Rico had looked him in the eye. "Don't you see? This is a gift, Sonny." Sonny saw tears in Rico's eyes. "So many things could have happened, could have gone wrong. So many times I thought we lost you." Then, with a mischievous smile, he added, "What you wear when you leave doesn't matter. Hell, Sonny, I'd take you home naked except it would make all the ladies jealous of me."

"Nah," Sonny chuckled at the image of Rico fending off the nurses. "I'd probably just scare them off with all these scars."

"Don't say that." Rico gently stroked a finger along Sonny's jaw-line. "You're beautiful." He leaned in for a quick kiss.

"And I thought you loved me for my mind." Sonny was still smiling as the kiss ended.

Rico grinned and hugged him. "I love *all* of you, Sonny."

They moved over to Sonny's bed and sat. "I love your mind, your quick intelligence. Your sense of humor. Your body for its gorgeous shape and form. All of it - every single hair, every blemish and scar. They're all you and I love them." Rico pulled Sonny's hand to his mouth and kissed the fingers.

"But you know what I love most of all? I love your heart so filled with honesty, love and conviction. So very full of love. And I count my blessings that I'm included with those you love." Rico looked to see that Sonny's eyes were bright with tears. "I'm almost afraid to be this happy. That I'll wake and this won't have been real." He felt Sonny's hand on his face and leaned into it.

"It is real, Rico." Sonny caressed the cheek in his hand. "My love for you is real. Our love is real. It has to be." He felt tears starting to slide down his face, but didn't care. "I know I wouldn't have survived these last few months otherwise. Your love saved me." He took a breath.

"People have asked what I remember when I was first brought in here. Do you want to know what I first remember?" Rico nodded. "Your voice. It was filled with love. It was beautiful. It found me in the dark, when I was scared and alone. It gave me something bright and strong to hold onto as the darkness called me farther away. I was in pain. I was terrified and confused. It would have been so easy to just drift away into the oblivion around me." He saw tears gathering in Rico's eyes and brushed a fingertip against them.

"But your voice of love with your gentle strength cradled me. It let me rest long enough to gather my own strength." It seemed like it was just yesterday that this happened, but it was months ago now. "And your love and great strength have been with me every step of the way, Rico. - So, yes, this is real. It's very, very real. I love you, Rico. I will always love you."

Slowly, they leaned in and kissed, their tears mingling. It was a slow kiss, unhurried, but filled with love. As they parted, suddenly Sonny asked, "You want to hear something weird?"

"What?" "After all this time in here and wanting to get out, I'm almost scared to leave." Sonny seemed perplexed. "I don't know why."

"That's understandable. Don't worry." Rico smiled. "You're going to be so busy tomorrow, you're not going to have time to be scared. And the house is all set. So there are no worries there."

He did not mention that Gina, Trudy and Stan had taken it upon themselves to clean his house. It was not that Rico was a messy person, he just had not been home for more than a few minutes at a time over the last few months.

The place was dusty, and junk mail had threatened to take over the kitchen table that he'd been using as a mail drop.

Stan had even touched up the paint on the stairway where a carpenter had installed a new, sturdier railing at Rico's request. The only thing that Gina and Trudy had complained about was trying to sort through his refrigerator and pantry. They had talked about calling in a hazardous material handling team.

Yesterday, when he had stopped in to drop off Sonny's stuff and do the cleaning himself, he had been greeted by a freshly dusted, vacuumed and stocked house. The note tacked to the fridge told him that they had decided this was a better welcome home gift than a flower arrangement and a balloon. So the house was clean, the junk mail tossed, important mail stacked neatly on the table, and they had even stocked a week's worth of groceries. Rico was deeply touched although he'd had to chuckle at the threat to call the haz-mat team.

"So any particular styles of clothes you'd like me to pick up, or do you trust my judgement?"

"Anything you pick up will be fine." Sonny smiled. Suddenly, he felt like a kid on Christmas eve. "God, I can't wait 'til tomorrow gets here."

Well, tomorrow had arrived and if he did not get going he would not be ready to leave when all was said and done. Sonny had finished his shower and dressed before his breakfast tray was due to arrived.

Rico was waiting for him when he finished. There was a cup of fresh, gourmet coffee, from the shop down the street, and a danish laid out on his tray table. "Geez, Sonny, a little anxious to get out of here?" He smiled and took a long drink from his own cup of coffee.

Sonny settled himself on the bed and pulled the cup to him. "Ahhh, real coffee." He breathed in the aroma like it was a perfume. "Thanks, Rico." Of course, it was just the way he preferred - black. "And yes, I'm anxious to get the hell out of here."

His breakfast tray arrived and he thanked the aide who smiled and wished him well. It obvious that he was getting out today. Rico watched him as he checked out the meal. Oatmeal - lukewarm. Toast - cold. Orange juice. Milk.

"You know, I still haven't figured out what is the difference between the bland and regular diets. Neither one has any real taste." Sonny picked at the cold toast, but left the cereal alone. Finally, he just finished the juice and milk and covered the tray. Leaning back, he pulled a long swallow of the coffee.

"At least eat the danish," Rico encouraged. Both he and Bri were concerned that Sonny just had not been eating as much as he should. Bri had even run some extra tests a couple of weeks ago to be certain that Sonny's digestive system was healed and functioning properly. All the tests came back confirming all was well. So this morning's treat was another way to try to stimulate Sonny's appetite.

Sonny rolled his eyes, but reached for the danish. "Yes, mother." He grumbled. It was getting to be an old argument.

A few minutes later, Nurse Sheedy arrived with the morning meds. "Well, Sonny, I see you're ready to get out of here." She smiled. He looked quite handsome in the clothes his friend had brought. This one patient, she would remember for a long time. A miracle.

"Well, it's all due to your special care." Sonny was grateful for the care he had received. And Nurse Sheedy had been especially nice to him. He took the pill cup and then took her hand. "Thank you." He kissed the back of her hand.

"I was just doing my job." She blushed and moved to the door. She looked to Rico. "Now, you take good care of him." There was no doubt in her mind that Sonny would receive the best of care from Ricardo Tubbs. She had rarely ever witnessed such devotion between two people. Rico nodded.

"You bet I will."

After she had left, Rico turned to his partner who was still only picking at the danish. "So did Bri ever give you a definite time you'd be sprung from this place?"

"He figured with all the paperwork I should be free somewhere around 10 - 10:30." Sonny glanced at his watch. "In a little while, I need to make a quick trip to pediatrics." He looked around the room that had been his home for so long. "And since you took most of my stuff from here to your place yesterday, there's not much to pack."

 

Rico had accompanied Sonny to the pediatrics unit to say goodbye to Jamie. Rico watched as Sonny handed Groggy to the boy.

"He wants to look after you now." Sonny told Jamie.

"What about you?"

Sonny glanced at Rico and smiled, "I think I have someone to look after me."

Jamie clutched the toy happily and gave Sonny a big hug. He whispered, "I'll miss you. Thank you for coming to play with me." When Sonny returned to his room, he was treated to a stream of well-wishers. The physiotherapist, her aide, nurses and more, all trickled in to say goodbye and wish Sonny good luck. It had never occurred to him that he had touched so many people during his stay.

 

Fielding watched as Rico flung Sonny's bag in the back of the car. He helped Sonny climb into the car, and leaned down. "Thanks, Bri. For everything."

Fielding shook the proffered hand. "I am really going to miss you both." Despite the fact that Sonny was going to be an out-patient for some time to come, for therapy and regular check-ups by Bri himself, it was going to be strange without the two men permanently around. He wondered how many times he was going to walk through the trauma unit and head for Sonny's room without thinking. It had become habit now.

"Good luck, Sonny. And look after that wrist!" It would still be at least three weeks before the cast could be removed. Although watching Sonny now, you would think it was not there.

After all Bri's scheduling, it was still after 11:00 before Sonny was seated in his Ferrari watching Rico drive and taking in the sights as the hospital retreated behind them.

At a red light, Rico glanced over at Sonny and read the expression on his face. He touched his partner's arm. "You okay?"

Sonny turned, smiled and nodded. "It's just strange,

that's all."

 

Sonny stood at the end of Rico's driveway, where concrete met beach. Out here, the only sound to be heard was the ocean waves. Rico moved to stand behind him and wrap his arms around Sonny's too-slim waist. Sonny gave a hum of appreciation.

"So, is it good to be out of there, Partner?" "It's incredible...." Sonny leaned back, knowing Rico would support his weight and not let him fall.

To Rico, Sonny felt painfully thin. "Sonny, you have got to gain some serious weight."

"Yeah, yeah."

They stood together for a short time, until Rico felt a shiver run through Sonny's body. "Are you all right?"

"A bit tired."

Rico gently squeezed his partner's waist. "C'mon, let's get you inside."

When Rico opened the fridge, he found a chicken casserole and a baked Ziti and Parmesan dish, There was note from Gina saying she and Trudy figured that this would take care of a couple of meals. All Rico had to do was warm them up. They had done all of this for Sonny and for him.

Rico looked up to find Sonny standing in the doorway. He had an odd expression on his face. "Is the room all right for you?"

 

Rico had directed Sonny through to the 'den', the spare room at the front of the house. It contained a king-sized sofa bed, something else that Sonny had missed - space in his bed. A door lead to an adjoining bathroom. Later, Sonny noticed the shower seat. Rico had thought of everything.

When Sonny had opened the door to the room, he had stopped in amazement. Rico had taken most of Sonny's stuff from the hospital yesterday and the day before. Now, all of Sonny's Get Well cards were up on the window sill and dressers. Poirot the bear was settled in the comfy chair. There was a bowl of fresh fruit on the side, with a note from Martin apologizing, but the store had run out of grapes. His globe-light had been set up on a small table by the bed, along with a box of matches.

A small, silver box, lying on the pillows, caught Sonny's attention. He sat on the bed and picked up the box. Opening it, the first thing he saw was pair of small, silver scissors. Lifting them out, a little confused, Sonny saw there was a second layer in the box. Removing the tissue paper revealed a slim, silver id bracelet.

Sonny took the bracelet from the box and turned it in his fingers. On the front of the bracelet's tag it simply read 'Sonny' in scrolled script. But on the reverse of the tag, there was an inscription. In smaller, scrolled lettering was written, 'Real lasts for always. R.'

Sonny wiped a tear from his eye and looked down at his left wrist. Suddenly he understood what the scissors were for. With practiced ease, Sonny maneuvered the scissors around the uncasted ends of his fingers, and snipped through the plastic hospital id bracelet that he had worn for so long.

 

So now he stood in the kitchen doorway, the new bracelet dangling from his fingers. As Rico came over to him he said, "You've already given me so much...."

"Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful." Rico took the gift from Sonny, who offered Rico his arm so that he could fasten the clip around his left wrist. "Thank you."

Rico heard Sonny's voice catch. "In case you ever forget, it's to remind you that I love you." Rico placed a quick kiss on Sonny's lips. "How's the room?"

"Perfect. In fact, if you don't mind, I'm gonna take a nap. All this excitement...."

Rico smiled. "Of course, I don't mind." He indicated the significant pile of mail stacked neatly on the table. "I've got enough to keep myself busy for the next two weeks!"

Sonny lay back in the centre of the bed. His meds were now limited to mornings and evenings, unless the pain became too bad, in which case Bri wanted him taken back to the hospital anyway. But Sonny felt so exhausted from the morning's activities that he fell asleep easily without the aid of the meds or Rico reading to him.

 

Rico peeked in on his partner three hours later. He smiled to himself - despite the fact that he was now in a huge bed, big enough for at least three, Sonny was curled on his side, right on the edge of the mattress. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully, but then he always had slept okay during the day. Rico hoped that now the nightmares would leave Sonny alone.

 

It was almost on five thirty when Rico heard the water running in Sonny's shower. Putting the casserole in the oven to heat, he set the table out on the patio. It would be a nice treat for Sonny to eat under the open sky. It had been a long and surprisingly tiring day for both of them.

After supper, they simply sat and watched the sunset. Finally, when the chill of the ocean breeze drove them inside, Sonny discovered that all he wanted to do now was go to bed. He yawned mightily.

Rico helped Sonny stand. "I'm gonna sleep on the couch." Rico told him. "That way I can hear you if you call."

Sonny looked at his partner in disbelief. Jesus, even in his own home, Rico was going to sacrifice his comfort to ensure Sonny was okay. Sonny took a deep breath. What he really wanted was to sleep in the same bed with Rico. He knew he would sleep better with his partner's arms around him, or even just in the same bed with him.

He shook his head. No. He had to start being independent, stop clinging to his partner. "No, Rico, you deserve a decent night's sleep in your own bed. I'll be fine." 'I won't be fine. I want you here with me.' He stomped hard on that little voice in his head. Rico was surprised, but he knew Sonny was trying to reassert his independence. "If you say so. It really wouldn't be a problem for me to stay down here...." But Sonny was determined. "Well, I'll just be upstairs if you need anything. Okay? I'm sure I'll hear you if you give a yell." Sonny nodded and Rico watched him hobble into the den.

Anxiety stabbed suddenly at Rico. What if Sonny decides he doesn't need you at all when he's done healing? What if there's just no room in his life for you? What if...?

The stairs seemed very high as he headed for his bedroom. He had not slept there in the entire time Sonny had been hospitalized. It was going to seem awfully lonely.

 

Rico rolled over and stared at the alarm clock. It was just after midnight, and despite being tired, he couldn't get to sleep. Finally, he sat up. Maybe if he got a cold drink and checked in on Sonny, he would able to rest.

The cold grape juice tasted good. Rico set the glass in the sink and turned out the light. Now, to check on his partner. Quietly, he opened the door to the den. In the moonlight, he could make out Sonny sitting up on the side of the bed.

Stepping in, he could hear Sonny's quiet sniffles as he tried to calm the sobs that were making his body tremble. "Sonny?" Rico crouched down in front of his partner and reached up to touch his shoulder. He felt Sonny tense up, but he did not turn to look at him. "What's wrong? Are you in pain?"

Rico could barely make out that Sonny was shaking his head. "...No...."

"Please, Sonny, tell me what's wrong?" Rico was getting really worried. Sonny had been much more stable these last few weeks. What could have made him so miserable? He sat up on the bed, curling one leg under him, the other dangling off the side. He gently touched Sonny's hair - it was damp. Finally, Sonny tilted his head toward Rico. "It was just a nightmare...."

"Strohe again?"

Sonny nodded. "I'm sitting in bed in the hospital and the room's on fire. I can't move 'cause I'm tangled in the sheets. Doesn't matter - I can't reach my chair - it's across the room. And then Strohe is there, in front of me, with his gun aimed at my head. And I'm screamin', pleading with him not to shoot, but he does. I feel the bullet.... Then I wake up." He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I wanted to be so strong and independent when I finally got out of the hospital." He sniffed. "But to tell the truth, I don't know if I can get back to sleep now, without you with me. It's childish and selfish and I feel so stupid." Sonny took Rico's hand and gripped it tightly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry...." He started crying again. 'You're so pathetic.' He heard the voice, but he no longer cared. He was just too damned tired to worry about it.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Rico pulled Sonny into a hug. "To tell the truth, I couldn't sleep upstairs away from you. You're getting stronger, more independent everyday." He sighed. Sonny felt so good against him. "I worry that one day soon you won't need me."

Sonny pulled away slightly to meet his partner's gaze. "How can you say that? Eight years we've been together. Have I ever not needed you?"

Rico smiled. "I guess not."

"I can't imagine life without you in it. And I don't want to." Sonny shifted, uncomfortably. His back was starting to ache. "Will you stay here?"

"Is that a stupid question?"

Sonny maneuvered under the covers and Rico slid in beside his partner. He felt Sonny settle against him. Somehow this just felt so right. He could easily get used to this. He felt Sonny relax and after a little while his breathing evened out. This was definitely the right place to be.

**************************************************

"...and try to make the next excuse believable." Castillo replaced the receiver as Stan dropped a photograph on the desk. "What's this?"

"Jare De Vries - a friend of Sonny's."

"Friend?"

"A year before you arrived here, Sonny and his partner, Franko were working a small-time dealer, trying to get to his supplier. One morning, we got a frantic phone call from Franko. Sonny hadn't appeared for the meet with this dealer. After a day's search, Sonny turned up at his boat. He'd been worked over pretty rough - couple of broken bones, cracked ribs, concussion. Apparently, De Vries had found out they were working one of his dealers and had Sonny picked up. A day later, he killed the dealer. We could never prove anything. Then De Vries disappeared."

"Where and when was this taken?"

"South beach. Yesterday."

 

Late at night, in the lonely darkness of the OCB office, Sonny's phone rang three times before the answer machine picked it up. "This is Burnett, when you hear the tone, tell me something I don't already know."

The tone sounded. A pause. Then a lone voice spoke quietly. "I've come back for you, Sonny."

**************************************************

The following day, Sonny and Rico hit the mall. Fielding had insisted on making all their travel arrangements for their flight out to St. Andrews. He told Rico he just knew better, than the two detectives, what sort of arrangements were necessary for travelling with someone in a wheelchair. Sonny had grumbled about taking the chair at first, but he finally conceded that that it would be easier to have Rico push him through the terminals than for him to try to hurry along on his crutches.

But clothing was something Fielding could not arrange, and hardly any of Sonny's own wardrobe fitted him anymore. So Rico had taken him shopping. Sonny enjoyed being out among people, even if he was in the chair. Fielding had been very specific about Sonny not wearing himself out.

They visited a couple of men's shops, both finding it strange to buy lots of clothes. The department had provided most of their existing wardrobes to maintain their covers.

When they were almost done shopping, Rico had decided it really was about time he changed the battery in his watch. He had been using the light a lot recently, in a certain darkened hospital room. But when they had gotten to The Best of Times, they had found that it would be a very tight squeeze to wheel Sonny in.

"Rico, this isn't going to work." Sonny grabbed the wheels on the chair to stop it.

Rico knew he was right. "I'll leave it for now."

But Sonny shook his head. "Look, I'll be fine out here while you go inside." Sonny smiled. "If I get bored, I'll just wheel myself over to the bookstore across the way. Okay?"

"I guess." Rico knew he was being over-protective, but his partner had only been out of the hospital three days. He saw Sonny smile and then wheel himself over to the central fountain area. When Rico entered the store, however, he simply shook his head. He had never seen it this busy - not even at Christmas.

At soon as Rico entered the store, Sonny made a beeline for the bookstore. He wanted to pick up a present for his partner. Fortunately, this store was easily accessible to wheelchairs and he just wheeled himself back to the mystery section. His stay in the hospital had nearly depleted the entire Agatha Christie section so he glanced at some of the other titles.

Finally, he settled on a couple of Carl Haaisen's novels and two Colin Dexter 'Inspector Morse' mysteries. As he waited to pay for the books, Sonny noticed a display of children's books at the counter. He added another, smaller book to his purchases. He tucked the bookstore bag inside another bag and was just wheeling out of the store when Rico came out of the watch shop.

"Did you get your battery?"

"Yeah," Rico sounded disgusted. "Would you believe the girl found it necessary to tell me that by opening the back of my water-resistant watch to change the battery, she couldn't be held responsible if the watch was no longer water resistant?" he shook his head. "Come on, I don't know about you but I've had enough of this shopping thing."

Sonny set the table while Rico fixed dinner, nothing elaborate, just pasta and a salad. He brought the steaming pasta to the table and was about to call Sonny when he noticed the large envelope by his plate. "What the...?" he muttered.

Opening the envelope, a small but beautifully illustrated copy of 'The Velveteen Rabbit' fell into his hand along with a note.

'Thank you for loving me enough to make me Real. My heart and my love are yours. Sonny.'

Rico looked up with shining eyes to see Sonny smiling at him from the doorway. Dinner was forgotten as Rico pulled the man he loved into an embrace.

**************************************************

At the hospital the following day, Fielding handed them two tickets for a noon flight on Saturday. He instructed them to take a cellular phone and his home number, as well as his direct line at the hospital.

On Friday afternoon, Rico drove Sonny to the office. Stan was in Castillo's office when they heard Gina's happy voice greeting their fellow detective. Castillo touched Stan's arm before the man had time to move. "Don't mention De Vries - let me handle it." Stan just nodded.

Sonny was greeted with handshakes and hugs. His colleagues were all so glad to see him, it was overwhelming. Castillo refused to let him near his desk, he was not back to work quite yet. So Sonny accepted the offer of Gina's chair as he was surrounded by people wanting to know how he was feeling, if he was okay, if there was anything he needed, anything they could do for him.

Castillo took Rico by the shoulder. "A word?"

Rico followed his boss into his office and watched as the door was closed behind him. "Please, sit down." Rico sat. "How is he?"

"He's good. Bri told us that everything was healing as it should be. He doesn't anticipate any more complications. We're flying out to St. Andrews noon tomorrow."

Castillo perched on the edge of his desk. Rico could tell instantly that there was something wrong. "Lieutenant, is there a problem?"

"Yes." He reached back and picked up a brown file from the desk. Opening it, he took out the photo of De Vries, that Stan had shown him two days earlier, and handed it to Rico. "We've got 24 hour surveillance on this man, Jare De Vries. He arrived in Miami three days ago, and left yesterday. I'm telling you this because I want you to be aware of the threat."

Rico looked up at his boss. "What threat?"

Castillo handed him the file he was holding. Rico opened the cover and felt his breath catch in his throat. On the top of a report, there was a small collection of medical photographs - photos taken at the hospital as evidence of a person's injuries. Each photo was of a different part of one man's body; a body that had become so familiar to Rico these past months. As Rico stared at the photos, Castillo told him, "According to the medical report, he was bound with steel wire, around his ankles, wrists, chest and genitals." The Lieutenant kept his voice soft.

"Sonny...." The word was barely audible as it escaped Rico's lips.

"He was held for twenty-four hours, beaten repeatedly, then dumped at the boat." Martin took the file from his detective. "We're not completely sure that De Vries was responsible. But we know he was involved."

Rico struggled to keep the sudden onslaught of emotion from his voice. "You said he'd left Miami?"

"Yes. He's gone to New York. I'll contact you if he returns. When you go to the island, make sure you're armed." Rico nodded.

"Thanks Lieutenant." Rico stood.

"Rico, is Sonny strong enough to deal with this now?"

Rico did not even have to think about it. "No." He shook his head. "Marty, he's still having nightmares about Strohe."

**************************************************

That night, Rico watched Sonny sleep. His partner was curled against him. His head was cradled in the dip between Rico's shoulder and chest; his arm draped over Rico's body.

Rico could not get the images, that Castillo had shown him, out of his mind. As soon as they had returned to the house and Sonny was occupied elsewhere, Rico had double checked his gun and ammunition supply. Right now, the gun was tucked into the nightstand drawer by the bed. He almost wanted this De Vries to show up, so that he could kill him.

The thought was driven from his mind as Sonny moaned in his sleep, and snuggled closer to him. Here was something better to think about, something much, much better.

Rico could feel Sonny's breath on his chest, warming his nipple through his T-shirt. He dipped his hand under the sheet, and gently stroked Sonny's side. His partner's T-shirt had ridden up as he had shifted positions, and Rico felt Sonny's naked skin against his fingers.

As Rico touched him, Sonny squirmed slightly. Ticklish. Rico had almost forgotten that little detail about his partner. *That* could prove fun in the future. But for now, Rico had no desire to wake Sonny from his seemingly peaceful sleep. He moved his hand away.

 

He thought back to a time when he had only imagined sleeping this close to Sonny. A time when he would be warmed simply by Sonny's close presence. They had always touched, always sat close together, always been very physical with each other. It had been wonderful, but now and again it hinted to Rico about how things might be, how Sonny might feel if he ever got the chance to hold him closer. Now Rico was finding out that Sonny felt better than he had ever dreamed he would. Now, when they touched, it was electric, even if was just Rico massaging his partner's back when it cramped.

Rico had learned the massage techniques, from Bri and the therapist at the hospital, to relax the muscles in Sonny's back. It helped to relieve some of the pain he often suffered. For a while now, Rico had been wanting to treat Sonny to a full body massage. Earlier that evening, he had asked his partner whether or not the idea was appealing.

Of course, Sonny had said yes. So Rico had gotten his partner to settle himself on the bed (the most comfortable place Rico could think of) and had retrieved the massage oil from the bedroom.

Lying on his stomach, Sonny soon relaxed into Rico's soothing touch. Rico spread the oil over Sonny's shoulders and gently massaged the tense muscles there, now and again, running his hands down Sonny's arms. Marveling, as he touched the cast, how easily Sonny managed with it there.

Sonny moaned in appreciation as Rico's hands worked their way down his back, avoiding the still-sensitive area of the skin-graft. Rico stopped when he reached the waistband of Sonny's trousers. Smiling to himself, he thought he might reach around and unfasten the belt, maybe just relax the muscles in his buttocks. Something stopped him, something about the image in his mind's eye, the image of hands on Sonny's hips, unzipping.... He thanked god that he had stopped. He remembered watching Cintaro undress his partner as Sonny lay face down on Cintaro's bed.... He shivered.

Sonny lifted his head. "Rico," he almost purred the name, and that one simple sound was enough to warm Rico again. "Please, don't stop."

"Turn over then, Sonny."

Sonny hesitantly complied. Rico noticed that Sonny was reluctant and easily guessed why. Sonny was very self-conscious now about the way he looked. He hated the scars left on his body.

Sonny rolled on to his back. He brought his arms up, across his stomach to try and cover at least some of the scars left in his skin. He was still convinced that there was no way Rico could find his body attractive anymore. So thin and so ugly.

Rico captured Sonny's wrist and cast, moving them back to the mattress. "Stop it." He whispered. "You're beautiful." Rico ran a gentle fingertip over one of the scars. When Sonny had first started his therapy, the slightest touch to the scarred areas had made him wince in pain. Now, as long as Rico was careful, he found he could touch them without hurting Sonny.

On impulse, he bent his head down and kissed the three long scars that were visible. The other two were hidden by Sonny's trousers, but Rico wanted to kiss those too. So he held Sonny's gaze, and in full view of his partner, he undid the button at the top of Sonny's pants, and unzipped them. Pulling back the material, Rico kissed the other two scars, delighting in Sonny's sharp breath.

Rico stole a peek downwards and smiled when he saw the physical effect he was having on his partner. He looked up. Sonny's eyes were closed, his mouth open slightly. Curious, Rico brushed one hand lightly over Sonny's pronounced erection. A low groan escaped Sonny's lips.

Absently, Rico wondered how long it had been for his partner. Since returning home with Sonny, Rico had not been able to resist himself. Three months was too long for anyone to go without. Although the trauma had quashed all of Rico's desires while they had been at the hospital, the familiar, comfortable surroundings of his own home, and the heat of his own shower had reminded him exactly how long it had been.

But he doubted that Sonny's body was ready to deal with anything but recovery. Still, Sonny seemed to like the attention Rico was paying him. So, kneeling up he slipped the soft material from Sonny's legs. Underneath, Sonny wore black briefs. Rico felt his own excitement building. Damn, this man was *so* sexy.

Rico continued the massage, very lightly over Sonny's chest, teasing his nipples, making his partner squirm in his hands. He moved down, over Sonny's stomach to his thighs. Rico could feel a subtle trembling start over Sonny's entire body. He looked up, thinking that maybe Sonny was in pain. But when he saw Sonny's face, he realized that it was something else. Rico ran his palm again over Sonny's groin. At the touch, Sonny let out a desperate cry. Obviously, his body had just been reminded that there was something else to think about, besides recovery.

Rico pressed a little harder with his hand, and Sonny thrust up to meet him. "Rico, please.... Oh God...."

Rico moved up until his face was just above Sonny's, his palm still pressing against the black material. "Sonny," Rico kissed the luxurious mouth that greeted him.

It had been too long, Sonny needed release. The pressure Rico was putting on his desperate cock was so sweet.... He was starting to hurt. Desperate, Sonny reached down and pressed his own hand on top of his partner's. Incapable of coherent thought, he urged Rico on.

Rico slipped Sonny's briefs down from his hips, disposing of them on the floor. He propped himself onto one elbow, and wrapped skilled fingers around Sonny's cock. His own erection was pressing against his trousers, but he ignored it, wanting to do this for Sonny, wanting to make him feel only pleasure even if just for a few moments.

Rico's eyes moved from Sonny's cock to his face and back. He saw the glistening moisture on the erect head, and with infinite care, he pressed a finger pad into the hole there. It that moment, Sonny came, a feral cry escaping from deep in his throat. Rico watched his partner as his orgasm ripped through him. He wanted to know by heart all of Sonny's expressions and sounds.

When he finally released Sonny's softening cock, Rico reached over for a tissue and cleaned up his hand. Sonny's breathing had already lengthened out into sleep by the time Rico's attention returned to him. He smiled to himself, Sonny tired so quickly right now. But he had needed that release badly.

Rico grabbed the sheet from the bottom of the bed, and pulled it up over Sonny's body and quietly left him to sleep.

Later on, Rico was fixing dinner when he realized he was being watched. Sonny was standing in the doorway, leaning on his crutches. He'd been in the shower, his damp hair was combed back, he was wearing a white sweater and linen slacks, and he looked, to Rico, almost edible. But the look on his face was one of acute embarrassment.

"Rico, I'm sorry... about what happened.... I didn't mean to...."

Rico dropped the spoon he was holding and went to Sonny. "Don't apologize. You needed to and I wanted to." He leaned forward and touched his lips to Sonny's.

Rico was brought back to the here and now as Sonny again shifted against him. He snuggled his cheek into his partner's hair and looked out of the window at the moon above. Tomorrow they would fly out to the island. Rico let out a deep breath. This was all so perfect. It could not possibly last.

**************************************************

By the time they reached the beach house, both men were exhausted. Sonny barely had the energy to acknowledge the beautiful, private length of coastline outside the patio doors, before he fell asleep in one of the large comfy chairs in the lounge.

Rico put his and Sonny's bags in separate rooms, knowing they would not use both beds, but wanting to give Sonny the choice of privacy when he needed it. He found the kitchen had limited stocks, and decided to go out and investigate the nearest shops.

 

Sonny woke about an hour later to find Rico's note by his side. It was simple, but wonderful.

'Sunshine, gone to locate food, back soon, R.' Sonny smiled,

"Sunshine." He repeated the greeting to himself. For eight years it had been 'Crockett', or 'Sonny', or often 'Partner'. 'Sunshine' was nice. He gazed at the so-familiar hand-writing.

Eight years. He thought about what they had been through together in those eight years. He never imagined their relationship would turn out this way. He never imagined that he would fall for another man. But he had loved Rico for so long, it seemed so natural.

He thought back to the previous day. The first time he had come for Rico, the first time his partner had touched him intimately, and he had come so fast.... He groaned to himself. It had been embarrassing, but it had felt *so* good.

There was so much that they were going to have to be careful about. >From what they had been through, Sonny realized that Castillo must suspect there was something more between his detectives than just the regular partnership. For now he was giving them a lot of slack. But once they returned to work, this relationship was definitely not going to be approved. Sonny shook his head and looked back at the note. He had not felt so loved, so needed ever in his life. Whatever the consequences, he was not going to give Rico up while his partner still wanted him.

He felt the niggling doubts return. Not doubts about the two of them, but doubts about whether he was what Rico really wanted. His partner had been burdened with him when this had all started. He needed to know now if Rico wanted him, or if Rico was simply there because of what had happened.

 

Rico returned and unloaded his purchases. Sonny was sitting on the patio, his toes playing in the sand beyond the concrete slabs. Rico went to sit beside him. "Are you okay?"

Sonny cocked his head to look over at his partner. "Rico, I know that when all this started, we were heading for some sort of relationship, but who knows what would have happened? I've been thinking, if it had all gone as planned that night at the docks, what would have happened?"

"Sonny...."

"I mean, between you and me. I was gonna cook for you. We would have had a few drinks, maybe ended up kissing, maybe more. Maybe we'd have slept together. After all," Sonny smiled at Rico, "we both know it had been a long time coming. But it would probably have been one night only. Maybe we'd have mentioned it again, maybe not. Maybe we'd have wanted it again. But one thing's for sure, you wouldn't be stuck with me now. You wouldn't be spending your nights holding me."

Rico reached for Sonny's hand and moved to kneel in the sand in front of his partner. "Sonny, listen to me. I'm gonna tell you something now that I swore I would never tell you." He found Sonny's other hand and carefully took hold of the fingers peeking from the end of the cast. "When I first met you, I wanted to seduce you." He watched Sonny's eyes widen in surprise. He nodded once. "You could be so *damned* arrogant. You were so self-confident, so macho sometimes. Yet you never had a problem with us being so physical. You held me when I needed to be held - remember that time in the hospital, with the zombie thing? I tried to strangle you, then I just started sobbing? And you held me. I'll never forget that." Sonny squeezed Rico hands.

"At the start, I wanted to seduce you, to show you that there was something else." He grinned. "To show you what you were missing. But as time went on, I started to fall in love with you. And there came a time when seducing you wasn't enough. I would have wanted you to feel the same way about me that I felt about you, and I knew you wouldn't. So I resigned myself to the fact that being your partner was as close as I was going to get to you. Not that I wasn't okay with that. We are so close - it's been amazing working beside you. And there were women - as you know, I proposed to Val at one point.

"But, that night at Cintaro's, when we danced, and when we were in your room, I felt something back from you, something in your eyes that night. I thought maybe there was a chance. Then all the craziness happened. The next time I felt it was at your boat, that night I cooked. I could feel it between us, and you'd kept asking about how I felt. When we kissed that night, so many old hopes and dreams returned.

"The night at the docks, you said you would cook for me when we'd finished, and I was excited. Not because I thought there was a chance that you would sleep with me, but because I thought there was a chance you were feeling the same way about me that I felt about you. So maybe we would have kissed, and maybe we would have slept together, because yeah, it had been a long time coming. But things didn't go as planned that night. And we have kissed, but we haven't slept together. I've had a greater gift from you - your love." Rico kissed Sonny's fingers.

"So don't think that I'm here simply because you are my partner and you need me around. I'm here because I love you. I am here because you're my partner - and you know how much that means, to both of us - and I am here because you need me. But I'm hoping that when you're better, and you're walking on your own, and you're back to work, that I'll still be here, because it's where you want me to be. And it's certainly where I want to be."

Sonny pulled Rico forward gently, and kissed him. "I love you, Rico. I know I'll still want you around. I just don't want you to feel that I need some sort of commitment from you."

Rico smiled, touching his lips to Sonny's again. "I've spent the last eight years wanting you, and making do with others. Now I can have you, and you're all I want, and all I need."

Smiling, Sonny captured Rico's mouth again, tasting his partner, sucking gently on his offered tongue. For a long time they kissed. Behind them, the sun began to lower over the ocean.

 

Later, Rico prepared a meal - a very mild chili dish, well within Bri's diet plan that he had ordered Sonny stick to. They talked about the doctor, a man both now considered a friend. Rico told Sonny about what Bri had said the first night - his reasons for leaving England. Rico was surprised to find that he remembered the conversation in such detail. But when he thought about it, he found that he could remember everything about that night he had spent sitting in Recovery.

"Did I look bad?" Sonny asked, curious now.

Rico swallowed the instant rush of emotion. He stood from the table and took Sonny's hand, helping him the short distance over to the couch. He suddenly needed to feel Sonny close to him. Once Rico was sitting with Sonny in his arms, legs up on the cushions, he squeezed his partner's hand. "Do you really want an answer to that question?"

"Yeah. I'm interested." "You looked... small. And vulnerable, helpless.... I wanted to kill Bodelle for doing that to you."

"I owe you my life - again."

"Isn't that what I'm here for?" Rico smiled, "Saving your butt? You've saved mine often enough."

When there was no answer, Rico looked down to see Sonny's eyes were closed. In the quiet, he could hear the even breaths his partner took while sleeping. "Great company you are!" But Rico's voice was gentle and loving as he shifted slightly to get himself comfortable. He was surprised that his partner had not fallen asleep sooner, it had been a tiring day for them both.

Outside the patio doors, Rico watched the moonlight playing on the ocean. This vacation was going to be very good for both of them.

**************************************************

Walking on the beach was one of the main things Sonny had been looking forward to, since Bri had told him about he and Rico's trip to the island for a little R&R.

"Shit!"

Rico paused, trying to respect Sonny's need to be independent, but at the same time concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Dammit, this isn't working." Sonny had only managed about a dozen steps in the shifting sand, and they had been hard work. The problem was that the crutches could not provide stable support in the soft turf. "I'm sorry, Rico. But it's going take me forever to get anywhere in this stuff. Let's just go back to the house. Okay?" He was trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

Sonny would have been happy being with Rico anywhere, this new-found love was invigorating. But he did miss being outdoors, feeling the sun on his face, warming his body, listening to the surf and walking on the beach. Jesus, even Bri had said that walking on the sand would be great therapy. Little had Sonny realized that it was going to be such a chore. It just no longer seemed worth the effort.

He started to turn, trying to plant the crutches in the best possible position. Suddenly, Rico was there in front of him.

"What's wrong?" Rico was studying him. "Are you in pain?"

"Nah," Sonny snorted. "I just can't seem to navigate on the sand with these damned crutches. Let's just head back to the house." Sonny sighed. It was going to take him forever to get to the more stable walkway.

"Then lean on me."

Sonny looked up surprised. "What?"

"Use me as your crutch." Rico was smiling at him as he reached out and took the crutches from Sonny. He just let them drop into the sand and moved next to his partner. "Come on, I've been dreaming about walking arm and arm on the beach with the man I love for weeks now. Please, don't disappoint me."

"But - " Sonny started to protest as Rico put an arm around his waist, but it was nice being this close to his partner. Somehow he did not think he would ever get enough of just touching Rico.

"No 'but's' about it." Rico smiled. "You're supposed to be taking long walks as part of your daily routine and I'm not letting you get out of it."

"Jesus, Rico," Sonny was embarrassed now. "I've been leaning on you ever since this whole damned nightmare began. And *now* you want to be my crutch?"

"Nope," Rico's eyes twinkled at his friend. "I just want the chance to walk in the surf with the sexiest guy on the island."

"How do you do that?" Sonny was shaking his head but smiling. "How do you end up making it sound like I'm doing *you* a favour? How do always make me feel so good in spite of everything?" He leaned in and wrapped an arm around Rico's waist.

"Every moment we're together is a favour - a blessing, Sonny." Rico let his partner set the pace. Trusting that his support would not slip out from under him unexpectedly, Sonny walked with little difficulty. They moved easily together down to the edge of the surf.

"I thought I was lucky before all this." Rico gave his partner a gentle squeeze. "After all, even if we weren't together as a couple, I was your partner through the day and your friend through the night. I thought I could be content with that." The water was warm as it lapped over their feet. "You're here, Sonny. We've been given a second chance. And I, for one, don't intend to waste it worrying about who's stronger, who needs more help or whatever. None of that matters. As long as we love each other - that's all that counts."

He could feel his partner's arm around him - he was infinitely happy.

"If you say so," Sonny shook his head ruefully. "I still think I got the better end of the deal." He relaxed a bit and just let the sun warm him and the sound of the waves calm him.

They walked for a time without speaking. It was a gorgeous day and it seemed like they were in their own little corner of the universe. Finally, Sonny paused and suggested that they sit for a while. He was pleasantly tired and the thought of just baking in the sun was appealing.

Rico helped him sit and then proceeded to prove the old boy scout adage was taught in the Big Apple. From the backpack, he had been carrying over one shoulder, he produced an oversized beach towel, a tube of sun-block and two bottles of spring water.

"Man, Rico, you think of everything." Still smiling, Sonny accepted a bottle of still cool water. To think, just a eight days ago, he had been ready to climb the walls in the hospital. If heaven could be defined in small moments and places, then this was heaven.

"Well, I figured as long as we were out here we could work on some of your exercises." Rico spread the towel out and tried not to hover as Sonny scooted on to it. "Besides the scenery can't be beat. So take your shirt off and put this sun-block on." He wiggled an eyebrow at Sonny. "I don't really want a lobster for a partner."

 

Forty-five minutes later, Rico smiled to himself as he looked down at his sleeping friend. Doing the exercises, muscle stretches and resistance work had been fun here on the beach. Sonny could work at regaining some of the tan he had lost while stuck in the hospital, as well as enhancing his muscle tone and control. Rico decided try to make this a regular habit while they were here on the island.

Sonny shifted a bit and sighed. He had fallen asleep near the end of the session, when Rico had been massaging his back to help prevent spasms and cramps. Rico had felt the knots already forming when he started carefully manipulating the easily stressed area. He was glad that he could do this little bit to help his partner.

A little tired himself, Rico stretched out next to Sonny. He would just close his eyes for a minute or two, then they could head back to the house. It was wonderfully warm in the tropical sun.

 

Something tickled his nose. He batted at it irritably without opening his eyes. A moment later he felt something barely touch his lips. Opening his eyes, Rico quickly captured the hand that was in front of his face. He blinked in momentary confusion and heard a low chuckle.

"Sonny?" He looked up to see Sonny seated next to him smiling.

"Sleeping Beauty awakes." Sonny teased.

Rico sat up and noticed the sun was much lower in the sky. Looking at his watch, he groaned. "I was only plannin' on restin' my eyes for a minute or two." He stretched. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. 'Sides you needed the sleep, obviously." Sonny shifted a bit. "I wouldn't have woken you 'cept I really didn't relish the idea of trying to crawl off far enough to answer the call of nature. You know?"

"Jesus, Sonny," Rico was instantly apologetic. How could he have forgotten that Sonny was basically trapped here in the sand with him? "I'm sorry. I never even thought - "

"Don't, Rico." Sonny interrupted. He pulled Rico's hands up and placed a light kiss on each. He could still smell the coconut scent of the sun-block on them. "This was a *great* idea. I don't ever remember the exercises being more enjoyable. Great scenery, warm sun, good company - what more could I ask for? And," he grinned, "I got to walk on this beautiful beach with one very handsome and sexy guy."

Rico finally relaxed and smiled. "Bet you say that to all the guys that strand you on the beach without a bathroom in sight."

**************************************************

The next day dawned gray and cool. It seemed a storm was blowing in, but it was expected to return to hot and sunny by tomorrow. The surf was very choppy, so they had taken their morning walk on the paved walkway. The first drops of warm rain started to fall just as they returned to the house.

After doing Sonny's physiotherapy, Rico suggested that they have an early lunch and then later in the afternoon go into town. There was a restaurant Bri had told him about that he was dying to check out. Sonny had readily agreed. It would be fun to get out for the evening.

Although Sonny had yet to really put on any real weight, at least, he was eating better since they had arrived on the island. Rico figured that he was more relaxed here - even later in his stay, Sonny could easily have perceived the hospital as a threatening place. Here, there was nothing that could cause him any pain, except the pain he lived with.

Bri had said that this restaurant did great food and tempting desserts. Rico called and made reservations for the two of them. He smiled. It would be nice to go out to dinner and he had taken it upon himself to 'fatten' his partner up.

After a short nap, Sonny cleaned up and dressed. Rico felt a surge of possessiveness when Sonny appeared in the doorway dressed for the evening.

Sonny had a particular way of dressing which always gave him what Rico had described once, as a 'warmly sexy' look. Sonny was gorgeous in the black silk shirt, white jacket and slacks. A combination which set off his darkening tan.

"Looking good there, Partner." Rico smiled. "Ready for a night on the town?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Sonny flushed as he realized that this felt like their first real date.

 

The rain had stopped by the time they reached the restaurant. Rico held the door as they entered. The hostess greeted them warmly and asked if Sonny needed any special accommodations. "No, that's not necessary." Sonny shook his head.

"We have reservations, under the name Cooper." Rico put in.

Sonny smiled at the use of Rico's cover name. You could never be too careful. He felt relieved to know that at least one part of his partner's brain was still tuned to the real world - the world they would eventually have to return to.

The hostess showed them to a nice table for two with a stunning view of the night harbor. Handing them their menus, she asked, "Could I get you something to drink, while you're deciding?"

"Just a club soda for me," Sonny ordered. Still on medication, he could not have any alcohol.

Rico smiled and ordered a seltzer. He did not need alcohol to enhance his mood. Merely being in Sonny's company was intoxicating enough. He watched Sonny study the menu for a few moments and then his partner's attention was drawn to the beautifully lit docks.

"A little homesick, Sonny?"

His partner nodded. "A little." He eyes wondered across the water. "For thirteen years my life has been work. I've never been away from it for longer than a week or so - that I can remember." He briefly thought about the amnesia-induced nightmare he had lived through, but he could not recall any of it. The whole blur seemed now to have been part of someone else's life, a life he had been a spectator of for a short while. "But now, it's been, what? Four months nearly. It's like, I'm seeing this whole new world for the first time."

Rico smiled. "Do you like what you're seeing?"

"Absolutely." Sonny turned back to his partner. "I never thought it could be so beautiful...."

The waitress brought their drinks and took their order. The meal was fantastic, as was the dessert Rico ordered for them. He was relieved that Sonny had started eating again. Both he and Bri had been a little worried at one stage.

Rico watched his partner sucking the last of the toffee sauce from his spoon. He looked so much better, so much healthier that it was too easy to forget how much pain he was still in, and how fragile he still was, both physically and emotionally. Sometimes he looked as vulnerable as he had in ICU. Sometimes he looked as if he could face anything life threw at him. Rico knew that wasn't true.

 

The meal finished, Sonny asked Rico if he minded walking along the docks for a while.

"...when I first moved onto the boat I was so sea-sick!" Sonny admitted as they walked. "Now there's nowhere else I'd rather live. It's so relaxing, the movement of the boat."

"Yeah," Rico chuckled, "and I bet it plays hell with those hangovers!"

They stopped near the end of the docks, where a couple of wooden tables had been secured, in a clear area, for use by would-be travelers. They leant against one of the tables.

After a short time, Sonny's quiet voice broke the silence. "I wish this could last forever."

Rico cocked his head to look at his partner. "Honestly?"

"Honestly, Rico." Sonny nodded. "The thought of going back to work scares the hell out of me. There were times, in the hospital, when it was all that I wanted to do. But now I've seen this, I've experienced this way of life." He met his partner's warm gaze. "I feel so relaxed with you, so safe.... I haven't felt like this in so long, I'm scared I'm gonna lose it."

"It was never easy, Sonny. You know that. But let's face it, we're perfect for each other. None of those conversations about life with a cop, no worries about whether you're okay or not, 'cause chances are I'll be out there with you. The hours are hell, but at least our hours are the same."

Sonny sighed. "Not for a long while, Partner. It'll be desk work for me for months! Practicing on the firing range. And then there's the physical to pass, as well as the psyche evaluation. I'm not looking forward to it. It'll be as bad as after the Burnett thing...."

Rico was surprised that Sonny had mentioned it. "Do you remember that?"

Sonny nodded. "The look on your face, when you walked into the interview room in OCB that afternoon, is burned into my mind forever."

"That's over, Sonny." Rico shook his head. "Forget it. It's different now." Rico moved to stand in front of his partner, putting one hand on Sonny's shoulder, one on his face. He captured Sonny's mouth, covering it with his own.

When they parted, Rico dropped his right hand down into Sonny's left, rubbing the fingers. Sonny broke the moment. "Rico, can I ask you a personal question?"

"Anything."

"How come I didn't know?"

Rico dipped his eyebrows, "Know what?"

"This." Sonny lifted his hand, bringing Rico's with it. "About you. I never knew you had boyfriends."

Rico sighed. It was the only part of him that he had kept from Sonny over the years. "It never really came up in conversation. And there hasn't been anyone since I came to Miami. Only you."

"But in New York...?"

Rico smiled, "Getting nosey, Sonny?"

The expression on Sonny's face was a mixture of apology and curiosity. "Sorry. You don't have to tell me...."

"It's okay, I don't mind. There was a guy, just before I left New York. Joel. We saw each other for a couple of months."

"Did you love him?" Sonny's voice was soft.

"No. But he was wonderful. I think he loved me, not that he ever said so."

Sonny contemplated this for a while and Rico suddenly felt his partner deserved more of an explanation. "I was going to tell you, Sonny. At the start. But when you told me about Evan, and when I realized that I was falling in love with you.... I got scared - not that you'd react badly, but that I might lose the closeness that we had. I should have told you later on, but by then the only guy I wanted was you, and I didn't want to tell you *that*."

There was a long silence, and then Sonny said quietly, "I'm glad it was you."

Rico was about to ask 'What was?' when Sonny looked up and he caught the look in his partner's eyes. And somehow he knew that Sonny was talking about the night at Cintaro's place. Rico touched Sonny's cheek, sadness in his own eyes. "Why?"

"Because you cared enough to be careful. Because you knew what you were doing." Sonny stood, transferring his weight to the crutches. They began to walk back along the docks. "I hadn't ever found any guy attractive, I mean, I'd never even thought about it - you know?" Rico nodded. "It wasn't for me, I wasn't interested. But that night at Cintaro's... I remember wanting you to kiss me."

They walked back to the rental car and drove back to the beach house in a comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts. The sitting room was bathed in moonlight when they walked in. Neither man turned any other lights on. Sonny opened the patio doors and kicked off his shoes. He loved to sit on the patio with his feet in the sand.

Rico sat behind him, wrapping his arms around Sonny. Sonny leaned back on his partner. Quietly, Rico spoke, "I'm not glad it was me."

Sonny bent his head back to look up at Rico's face. He had not realized that his partner had been considering that conversation. Rico smiled down at Sonny's upside-down expression. "You don't know how incredible it can be. You were still a virgin, as far as I knew. I always wanted your first time - if there was ever going to be a first time - to be special. I can make you feel so amazing, Sonny. Being taken by another man shouldn't be painful, it should be gentle. I wanted to show you that."

"Soon, Rico. You can still show me."

Rico gave his partner a squeeze. He desperately wanted to make love to Sonny. But Sonny still had so much recovering to do, and not only from the shooting. Rico would wait as long as it took, he had no problem with that - Sonny was worth every waited minute.

They sat in silence for a long time after, simply holding each other and listening to the sounds of the waves.

**************************************************

Next day

Sonny blinked as his eyes tried to adjust to the rapidly darkening room as the sun set. Rico was cuddled against him snoring very softly. He ran a light finger along the side of the sleeping man's face. His partner possessed a strong jaw-line on his handsome face. A strong jaw-line that indicated a strong man.

Shifting slightly to relieve a momentary twinge, Sonny was glad that Rico did not awaken. He needed to rest. Sonny smiled to himself, this was certainly a switch.

It had been a pleasant day. They had gone over to the small tourist town on the opposite side of the island, had a bite to eat at an outdoor cafe and took a stroll through the narrow streets of the town. They eventually came out into a market square that looked to be the centre of life here. The architecture was exquisite. Sonny had once dated a buildings expert, and he enjoyed pointing out to Rico the styles that he recognized.

As they approached the town hall, Sonny looked up to admire the gothic gargoyles on the corners of the building. He was not watching his footing carefully and the next thing he knew the railing was flying up to meet him.

*Christ! That stung!* Sonny blinked and tried to sit up. But Rico was there telling him to lie still until help arrived. A small group of tourists, complete with baggy shorts, bright shirts and sunglasses, had gathered to gawk at what was happening. He was embarrassed. His pride hurt far more than his head or even his back, which had given quite a jar in the fall.

"Really, Rico, I'm fine." He brushed a hand to his forehead and it came away wet with blood.

"Sonny, just stay still and don't touch that." Rico turned to the crowd and asked them to stand back.

Just then a medic came rushing over. Fortunately, most of these tourist towns possessed First-Aid Clinics with trained personnel. Sonny saw the medic turn to Rico. "What happened?" He was pulling out latex gloves and snapped them on.

"My partner stumbled and fell against the railing. He hit his head." Rico's voice sounded odd, but Sonny could not figure why.

The medic turned his attention to his new patient. "Hey, how ya doin'?"

"I'm fine." Sonny started to push himself up, but the medic put a restraining hand on his shoulder.

"Just lie still for a moment. Till we're sure everything is okay." The medic ran his hands over Sonny's arms and legs, then tilted his head to look into Sonny's eyes. "Anything hurt? Can you see okay?"

Sonny started to nod, but winced. "Nothing hurts really. Probably gonna have a hell of a headache though." He sat up slowly.

The medic was rummaging through the kit he had brought with him. "Well, you seem all right. Let's get this cut cleaned up." He started to swab Sonny's forehead with an antiseptic wipe. "I think we'll put a couple of butterflies on that to make certain it stays closed. It's not too deep."

The crowd finally dispersed as the medic finished with the tapes. He turned to Rico. "Look, he didn't lose consciousness, right?" At Rico's nod, he continued, "It's unlikely he's got a concussion, but you should be aware of the warning signs and keep an eye on him. Okay?"

Rico nodded and listened as the medic explained about dizziness or blurred vision. He suddenly reached into a pocket and pulled out a listing of Sonny's meds. "He's on prescription medications, will this cause any problems?"

The med glanced at the list and shook his head. "No. This should be fine. Besides I think the worst he's gonna get out of this a bruise or two and a headache."

Sonny reached for his crutches. "You two done talking about me like I ain't here?" Both men helped Sonny to his feet. He shook hands with the medic. "Thanks."

"No problem." He was packing up his kit. He smiled. "I just wish everything was so easy to fix."

Rico had hovered as they headed back to the rental car. Sonny was getting quite exasperated but held his tongue. His partner drove carefully back to the beach house.

Once back, Sonny headed for the bedroom and bath to wash the blood off his face and hands and change clothes. He returned to the living room to find Rico huddled on the sofa shaking. What the...?! "Rico?"

But Rico just pulled himself into a ball and Sonny could hear muffled sobs escaping. He quickly sat beside the crying man and reached an arm around him. The sobs tore through his partner's body. "Rico, tell me what's wrong." He pulled Rico against him and started rocking with him.

"Rico." There was no response except now the sobs were louder. So Sonny did exactly what Rico had done for him countless times in the past few months. He started repeated over and over again that everything was fine - that he loved Rico. Words of love and reassurance. Words that could cradle and heal. He rhythmically stroked Rico's hair and his back. They had just been through so much. When would it all stop?

Fractionally, Sonny felt Rico's sobs begin to subside and his partner's body start to relax into his arms. "Rico?"

He thought he heard a mumbled "...sorry."

"It's all right." He continued to stroke Rico's back. At last, he felt Rico cuddle against his chest. "Whatever's wrong, we'll fix it. I promise."

But Rico shook his head. "There's nothing wrong." He sighed. "I just don't know what came over me." He would not look Sonny in the eyes, and there was still a tremor in his voice.

Sonny stoked his fingers softly through Rico's hair. "Well, then maybe you just needed a good cry." He smiled ruefully. "Believe me, I do understand. After everything you've been through, you've given me all your strength."

"I don't know." Rico snorted. "I saw you fall and something just snapped inside." He leaned into Sonny's warmth. "You went down. There was blood.... I... I don't know.... Suddenly I was back to that night on the docks and you were falling into the water...."

He swallowed hard. "I... I was terrified and angry and.... But you're okay. It was just a cut. Right?" For the first time, he looked into Sonny's face. Sonny nodded. "I guess I just lost it.... Jesus, some partner I am." He closed his eyes and laid his head against Sonny's chest. God, he was suddenly so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open.

Sonny could sense Rico's weariness. He shifted a bit on the large sofa, getting comfortable. "It's all right, Partner." In the comforting, close silence that fell between them, Rico slowly fell asleep. Sonny rested his head on Rico's and let his gaze move to the ocean beyond the glass doors.

**************************************************

The cool early evening breeze roused Sonny from his after dinner snooze. He blinked and noticed that Rico was engrossed in yet another detective novel; reading under the warm glow of the corner lamp. The CD player clicked as another disc shifted into play. The music was soft and flowing. Sonny could not quite place the piece or the artist but he was certain he had heard it before.

Sonny pulled in a deep breath; blessedly relieved that most of the pain was tolerable now. Even after the fall, it was only his head that actually ached, although he was certain he had given his back a real jarring. Now, if he could only convince Rico that he was ready for more. He sighed. He really wanted a lot more but wasn't sure if he was ready for it yet. This was so damned frustrating.

He suddenly recalled where he had heard this song before. He and Rico had danced to it at Cintaro's party. Despite the pain associated with that whole case, he could not help but want to relive parts of it. It had been wonderful in Rico's embrace. Even then, he had felt safe and protected in the circle of Rico's arms. He had felt special. He wanted that feeling again.

Sonny sat up slowly on the sofa. Rico looked up from his book and smiled. "You doin' okay?"

"I'm fine." Sonny reached for one of his crutches and used it to lever himself up. "As a matter of fact," he balanced himself and hobbled over to Rico's chair. He reached his free hand to Rico. "Dance with me?"

Rico automatically took his partner's hand, but hesitated before standing. Sonny was always pushing himself too fast and too far. "Sonny, I - " There was an insistent tug on his hand. "Are you sure about this? What about your back?" Rico found his heart beating more rapidly. He wanted this too.

"My back's doing great." He propped the crutch against the side of the chair. "Dance with me. Please, Rico, I - " Rico stood, still holding Sonny's hand. "I want to feel what I felt when we danced at Cintaro's."

Surprised, pleased, Rico carefully slipped his arms around Sonny's waist, unsure how much pressure he could put on the scars. "For you, Sonny, anything. But you need to tell me if anything hurts - okay?" Sonny nodded as he shifted closer and put his arms around Rico's waist.

Slowly, cautiously, Rico started to move in time to the music softly surrounding them. Sonny relaxed in his embrace and started to move with him. Rico felt his partner lean into him a bit and he easily accommodated the additional weight. Although he had been eating better, Sonny was still painfully thin.

They really didn't move much, mostly just swaying with the music and enjoying the physical contact.

Sonny closed his eyes and let his head rest on Rico's shoulder. He could stay like this for the rest of his life and be happy. Rico's gentle strength supported and protected him. He was loved. And he loved the man who held him near. It still felt strange to be feeling all this from and about his partner, a man who had been with him for so long, yet they had missed so much that was obviously between them. "Thank you." He whispered it into Rico's neck.

"You're welcome." Rico had felt rather than heard Sonny's voice, as he had felt Sonny's breath that terrible night. It had the same effect on him. He could not think of any other place he would rather be than right here, right now. He tilted his head slightly and placed a soft kiss on Sonny's shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too." Sonny murmured and gave Rico's neck a brief squeeze. He let himself relax a bit more into Rico's embrace, certain that his partner would never let him fall. He took a deep breath. Rico smelled faintly of soap and after-shave. So different from a lady's perfume - masculine. And at this moment, damn sexy.

The song ended and the next started but neither man really noticed. They were too caught up in each other. Sonny's body easily followed Rico's movements. Sonny had not felt this light or comfortable on his feet for a very long time. And his partner was there with him.

This dance was so much more than the one he had remembered. He could never get enough of Rico's touch - of Rico. Rico's love and strength had found and sustained him during those first horrible days in the hospital. In the depths of his mind, in a body that was waging a desperate battle to survive, Sonny had heard Rico's voice, felt Rico's presence and held onto that certain knowledge that someone was waiting for him. Someone who loved him.

Rico's love - their love - went beyond any experience Sonny had ever had. It was all consuming - as strong as a force of nature, yet as gentle as the sound of a whisper. It had healed his body, his mind and his soul. Sonny was more than willing to surrendered himself completely to this wonderfully intoxicating love.

Rico was amazed at how completely Sonny had melded against him. It was as if they were one body moving to the music in their own universe. He had lost himself so completely in his love for this man he held. He knew Sonny felt weak and vulnerable since the shooting. In the past few months, his fears and the pain had driven him into brief fits of anger and depression. But Rico had no question in his mind which of them was the stronger.

Although at the moment, Rico was the physically stronger, Sonny had a strength of character that he had come to love and respect. Sonny Crockett hated hypocrites, liars and anyone that took advantage of those in need. He did not tolerate them. When he set his mind to accomplish a goal, he was an irresistible force to be reckoned with. He was fiercely loyal and protective of those he loved and respected and expected the same in return.

When the doctors had said the Sonny was their miracle patient, Rico had not, at first, understood that miracles often come with high price tags. Sonny had been paying that price since the night of the shooting. The trauma to his body and mind would have been enough for most people to simply surrender to madness or death. But Sonny had found it within himself to fight the darkness, the pain and his own confusion - to endure so much just so he could regain his life and be with those he loved.

No one that had witnessed Sonny in the midst of a muscle spasm or hypersensitivity incident would ever doubt the strength he possessed. Everyone kept telling Rico how wonderful he was and how brave and strong to have stayed by Sonny's side during this whole ordeal. They simply did not understand that Sonny was his life now. He could not have done anything else. They did not realize that *he* relied on Sonny's example when it came to strength and courage.

Rico was overwhelmed by his love for Sonny - almost terrified. He simply could no longer think of his life without Sonny in it. He would never be happy or whole again if he lost his partner. He had come so close to losing Sonny forever, that even now thinking about what could have happened was enough to push him to the brink of panic.

He wanted them to take the next step. Yet, as much as Rico wanted to indulge in making love to Sonny - with Sonny, he was willing to wait as long as necessary for his partner to be absolutely ready. For the present, Rico was more than happy to simply be with Sonny. Sharing their meals, their talks, all the tiny things that made up their lives were all blessings that Rico would never again take for granted.

So if Sonny wanted to dance, then they would dance. Rico would simply drink in the sensation of holding him close, moving with him. God, he had it really bad for this guy.

The strains of the last song faded. Held in Rico's arms, Sonny could feel the increase of his own heart rate. He took one arm from around Rico's neck, and unbuttoned the first three buttons on Rico's shirt. Gently, curious, he slipped his hand inside the material, actually feeling his partner for the first time.

Rico gasped at Sonny's touch. He wanted to encourage the contact, but instead he kept his hands around his partner's waist. Sonny had to set his own pace in this.

Sonny's hand circled a nipple, lightly running his thumb back and forth over it. He smiled as he felt a shiver ripple through Rico's body. "Tell me if I do something wrong." Sonny instructed. "I'm just guessing here."

Rico nodded, "Whatever works, Sonny. But you don't have to do anything...." "I just want to explore you." His voice was a soft whisper now. Sonny inched back, lowered his head and gently sucked on Rico's nipple. Rico felt his legs almost give way.

"Sonny, we have to sit down." He took in a deep, steadying breath. "It's difficult to stand, much less support you, when you're doing that."

The moment they were sitting down, Rico captured Sonny's mouth with his own. The kiss was long and slow and hot and demanding all at once. It was gift of the here and now and it was a promise of things yet to come. It lasted forever and it ended too soon. When they reluctantly pulled apart both were breathing hard.

Sonny undid the remainder of the buttons on Rico's shirt and started to trace the muscles on Rico's chest and stomach. He looked up, his eyes roaming over Rico's face to his mouth, and lingering there. Rico kissed him deeply.

Sonny sucked possessively on his partner's tongue. He slid his hand down until he felt the waistband of his partner's trousers. Cautiously, a little nervous, Sonny dipped his hand under the material. He heard Rico gasp as his fingers moved into the thick mass of pubic hair. Then his hand brushed Rico's cock, feeling its hard softness against his skin.

Sonny drew his hand from the material and with Rico's help, removed the trousers. But before Rico let him, he caught Sonny's gaze. "Are you sure?"

"...No." Sonny gave him a nervous smile. "But we all have to start somewhere."

Sonny's eyes were drawn to Rico's cock immediately, and he realized why it had hurt *so* much when Cintaro had forced his partner inside him. Rico was huge; long and wide and gorgeous. Sonny believed his mouth was starting to water.

He started to shift, to kneel on the floor, but Rico stopped him. "Sonny, let's go into the bedroom. It'll be more comfortable for you." Sonny rolled his eyes, although he knew Rico was right, he wanted to take Rico past the point where he was still thinking about his comfort.

Rico lay down on the bed, carefully pulling Sonny down with him. Their mouths met again, their tongues exploring. Rico slipped one hand underneath Sonny's silk shirt, undoing the buttons with the talented fingers of his other hand. But when he reached for Sonny's belt, he found his progress stopped by Sonny's own hands.

Without speaking, Sonny moved down Rico's body, covering his chest and stomach in kisses. Not having any prior any prior experience with men, Sonny had figured that whatever would feel good to him should also feel good to Rico. What Rico had done the day before they had left for the island, had felt incredible. He smiled to himself.

As Sonny moved downwards, Rico tipped his head back into the pillows. He did not want to hurt Sonny, or force him into doing anything he did not want to do. So he tried to concentrate on keeping his fingers buried in the sheets beneath him, rather than burying them in Sonny's flesh.

Sonny settled himself level with Rico's hips, and dipped his hand between the dark thighs. Rico moaned quietly as his legs were moved apart. Sonny ran a trail of fiery kisses long the inside of first one thigh, then the other, licking and nipping the sensitive skin. Rico whimpered, the sound becoming a desperate cry as Sonny ran his tongue up the length his partner's cock.

Marveling, at the warmth and feel, Sonny could feel his own cock twitch. Nuzzling Rico's balls, Sonny reached up to stroked the swollen cock. Breathing in Rico's musky scent, he continued the stroking as his lips moved again down the inside of the warm thighs. Sonny raised his head, he saw Rico's sensuous body writhing gently because of him. He watched as the head of the erection he had caused became moist. Curious, he licked his tongue over the top of Rico's cock, tasting the salty fluid for the first time.

The flick of Sonny's tongue brought a feral cry from Rico's lips. Sonny smiled and carefully lowered his mouth over Rico's cock, taking him in as far as he could. He almost choked as Rico surged up involuntarily. Slowly, he pulled his lips back. Then once again he enveloped the swelling cock with his mouth, using his tongue to caress it.

Sonny heard his name pass from Rico's lips on a breath of desire. He gently took Rico's balls into his fingers, able to feel the tension building as Rico neared climax. He pulled back and surrounded Rico's cock once more. "Sonny, I...." Rico cried out incoherently as he filled his partner's talented mouth. Sonny swallowed again and again, taking as much as he could, licking up what he missed once the aftershocks had slowed through Rico's body.

Only when coherent thought finally filtered through, did Rico open his eyes to see Sonny, lying beside him, watching him intently.

"Thank you."

Sonny smiled. It had been heady giving a pleasure he understood. His own pronounced erection was pressing at the material of his trousers. As Rico pulled him closer, he felt the hardness. Suddenly, he wanted to give Sonny more than just two words of thanks. His fingers again dropped to his partner's belt, and this time he found no resistance. Rico sat up, pressing Sonny down into the mattress, as Sonny raised his hips to help the removal of his trousers and briefs.

Rico captured Sonny's mouth once again in his. While Sonny was distracted by Rico's tongue demanding deeper entry, Rico let his hands start to roam. Sonny jumped when fingers touched his cock.

"My turn," was all Rico said as he broke off their kiss. Slowly, he licked, nipped and kissed his way down Sonny's body. Soon, Sonny was moaning almost continuously.

Rico moved down to Sonny's cock. He started to rub it, enjoying the feel and the sounds Sonny was making. Slowly, Rico wrapped one hand around the cock, fingers of his other hand dipping down, absently pushing between Sonny's buttocks, seeking the entrance to Sonny's body. Not thinking, Rico's skilled fingers found his goal and pushed against the tightness that obstructed him.

Suddenly, he felt Sonny's hands clutch painfully at his shoulders. "...No!...." Rico pulled back alarmed. The color had drained from Sonny's face. His eyes were wide but no longer with passion, but with fear. He was trembling.

"Sonny?!" Rico sat up. "What's wrong? Did I - " Suddenly, he knew exactly what was wrong. Oh, God, how stupid could he be?! "Sonny, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...." He wrapped an arm around his still-shaking partner. "I'm sorry. I'm so stupid. I'm sorry...." He had sworn to himself that he would never again do anything to hurt his partner - he would never forgive himself for this.

Sonny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Most of his trembling had stopped. "No, I'm sorry. I thought I was okay with this. I *wanted* this...." He looked at Rico with tears threatening and shook his head. "I *still* want this. I just.... I was just.... Suddenly I was back there - in that room, with Cintaro, - and... and...." He closed his eyes as the tears started. "I've ruined everything.... I'm sorry."

Rico had wanted everything to be perfect for Sonny - no pain, no fear, only joy and pleasure. He had been so startled and so overwhelmed by Sonny's actions, he had wanted to do something for him in return. And then he had gotten carried away....

He pulled Sonny into his arms and gently rocked him. He would do anything to make it all better for his partner. "Shhhhh...." He soothed. "I'm sorry, it was my fault, not yours. I shouldn't have done that, I didn't even think. I'm so sorry...." Sonny was crying softly. Rico felt a shiver run through him. He shifted to reach for the sheet to cover them. Sonny's arms wrapped tightly around him.

"Don't leave me." It came out as a ragged whisper. "I love you so much. I'll do anything for you.... I'm sorry I ruined everything. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry - just don't leave me." Rico could hear the dangerous note of hysteria in Sonny's voice. He could feel him trembling violently again. He could not believe his own stupidity.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise." Rico managed to snag the sheet and pull it around them both. He held Sonny like a child. "I love you. I will always love you. I will be here for you forever." He continued to repeat his reassurances to Sonny, the soft tones of his voice cradling his partner as they had in the past months. Slowly, Sonny relaxed and his tears slowed.

"Rico," Sonny began, "I really did want this. I still want to do this. I just.... I just wasn't ready for the memories that hit. I thought I'd gotten past all that. I...." Sonny lifted his swollen eyes and looked at his partner's face. Part of him was ashamed that he reacted the way he had, but another part was screaming. "I really enjoyed making you feel so good. And maybe, now that I'm prepared I can enjoy the rest? It was just when you did that, when you touched me there.... The only experience I've ever connected that with is too painful to think about." He sighed. Suddenly, he was so tired. He felt Rico's hand on his cheek and leaned gratefully into it.

"I shouldn't have done that, Sonny. I'm sorry." Rico caressed Sonny's face, then drew him in close. He could feel the weariness in his partner, and settled back more comfortably into the pillows, pulling Sonny back with him.

"...love you," was the last thing he heard Sonny murmur before the soft snores began.

**************************************************

They passed the days walking on the beach, swimming in the ocean, lounging in the sun, and enjoying each other's company. It amazed Rico how easy he found it to spend hours simply sitting reading. In the same way that Sonny seemed to be able to sit and watch the ocean while he worked on his tan, Rico could bury himself in a detective novel from start to finish. Stan's Agatha Christie novels had a lot to answer for.

 

One afternoon, about a week into their stay on the island, while Sonny was swimming in the warm ocean, Rico phoned Castillo to find out if they had heard any more on De Vries. Castillo reassured him that surveillance was continuing, and that the man was still in New York.

When Castillo hung up, he took a deep breath. Whatever had happened at the Dome, had sparked something between his two senior detectives that had obviously blossomed into something more. There was nothing he could do about it. Maybe, under normal circumstances, he could have brought them into his office and talked to them quietly about professionalism and not making things personal. But how could he, after what they had both been through?

In a way, he was partly responsible. If he had never sent them undercover into the Dome, they may have never known what was possible between them. And maybe Rico would not have devoted himself to Sonny these last few months, enabling him to survive the horrible first days, and to face everything that came after.

Whatever was between them now, had to be left alone, to take its own course and find its own destiny. Because meddling in the situation may destroy either or both. The effect of their new relationship on their work worried him, but they would find out soon enough, what was going to happen.

Vaguely aware that his boss knew about him and his partner, and not caring at all, Rico went out onto the patio and watched Sonny as he swam strongly through the water. He had woken this morning to find Sonny already up. Rico had no idea how he had managed it without waking him, and it made him realize how tired he must have been.

Sonny had gone swimming. He had somehow mastered the art of getting himself down to the surf using his crutches in the sand, although when they took their daily beach walk, Sonny preferred to use Rico as his crutch. Each time they walked, Rico felt Sonny leaning on him less and less. He was getting stronger every day.

Rico had breakfast waiting for Sonny when he returned to the house. Again, Sonny had tried to apologize for the previous night. It was the one thing about the Cintaro incident that Rico still could not figure; why did Sonny keep him so close after it happened? Why did his partner blame himself for what happened? Why was he still blaming himself for the emotional consequences?

He was still trying to answer those questions now, as he stood watching Sonny swim.

**************************************************

There was no warning.

Sonny had been doing so well here on the island. The change of scenery and relaxed atmosphere had done him a world of good. Except for the cramps he experienced from doing his daily physiotherapy and a few mild spasms in the evening, his back had been in great form.

Sonny had so enjoyed their 'date' the other night, Rico had found another restaurant on the other side of the island and had booked a table for that evening. Sonny had gone into the bedroom to clean up and change clothes.

Thirty minutes later, Rico was wondering what was taking his partner so long. "Sonny?" Finally, he knocked on the bedroom door. "You about ready?" There was no response. "Sonny?" He pushed the door open and peeked in. "Hey, man, are you - " His voice choked off when he saw Sonny leaning against the bathroom door with his eyes closed. His face was ashen in spite of his tan and he was dripping with sweat.

"Sonny?!" Rico hurried across the room. He saw Sonny swallow and open his eyes.

"...'m okay...." He tried to smile but it turned into a grimace. "...Just my back... spasming...." Rico took his partner's arm and put it over his shoulder. "Let's get you to the bed." He could feel Sonny trembling under the onslaught of pain that accompanied the spasms. They managed only two steps when he felt Sonny stiffen and then his knees start to give way. Without a thought, Rico simply turned and scooped Sonny into his arms and took him to the bed.

Gently, he lowered Sonny onto the mattress. He had felt the muscles in Sonny's back - a mass of knots - ripple. Sonny was unable to suppress the moan that escaped. "My God, Sonny." Rico was trying to remember where he'd left the cellular phone to contact Bri.

"Let me get your pills." Rico did not know if they would even help. The dosage was a lot lower than when Sonny had been in the hospital.

"No...." Sonny had rolled on his side, but it still had not relieved the spasms. "I'll be all right," he whispered. He hated the pain meds and muscle relaxers, they robbed him of his senses. He gritted his teeth as another spasm ripped its way through.

God, Rico hated to see Sonny in so much pain. "Well, then let me try to massage this one out." He knelt on the bed and touched the knotted muscles on his partner's back. "Try to relax." He pushed the shirt out of the way and started to knead and roll the muscles very gently.

Usually, after only a few minutes, Sonny's back would start to relax. But this time nothing seemed to be happening. Rico was starting to get very worried. Maybe he should call Bri.... Or at least get Sonny to take his meds. "Sonny," he continued the slow rhythmic massage, "I think you really should take the meds."

"No," he shook his head, "just give it a few more minutes." He stiffened as another spasm passed through, but it seemed to be slightly smaller, less intense.

Finally, after an eternity, or maybe 15 minutes had ticked by, Rico felt the muscles in Sonny's back start to smooth out and relax. Sonny sighed in relief. Rico continued the massage, feeling his own heart beat slowing. Jesus, sometimes it was just too damned easy to forget how fragile his partner still was. He saw that most of the pain lines had faded from Sonny's face. "How are you doing?"

"Better. Much better." Sonny mumbled into the pillow. "Sorry, to be such a pain."

"You're not, Sonny. Look," Rico encouraged, "why don't I do a complete massage for you? I think you could use it." Sonny nodded and rolled onto his stomach. He closed his eyes. He was feeling slightly lightheaded from the sudden absence of the intense pain.

Rico gently slid the cotton shirt over Sonny's head. It was drenched with sweat. Slowly, he starting rolling and pressing on Sonny's scalp, luxuriating in the soft blond hair. It, too, was damp with sweat. Moving to the neck, Rico gently rolled his thumbs into the still tight muscles.

He worked his way down to Sonny's shoulders. As he continued the massage, he saw the last of the pain lines smooth out. He took extra care on the back, working each muscle slowly but thoroughly. By the time he reached Sonny's waist, his partner seemed as limp as a ragdoll.

"Sonny," Rico started, "I'm going to do your feet and legs now, but you need to get rid of these pants. Okay?" Sonny nodded, but did not move and his eyes stayed closed. So Rico gently rolled Sonny to his back and unfastened the belt buckle and unzipped the pants. Sonny roused himself a bit to try and help, but mainly he just shifted his weight so Rico could slide the pants down. Rico noted that he was wearing dark green briefs this time.

Once he had slipped the pants off, Rico moved to Sonny's feet. He massaged each toe, being careful not to tickle, and then the soles. He had never really considered feet to be sexy before but Sonny's feet were tanned from their walks on the beach and the toes were long and nicely formed. He wanted to kiss one, but he decided to wait. Rico shook his head. God, everything about this man was sexy.

Rico moved up to Sonny's legs. Although still somewhat thin, they were nicely tanned and muscled. As he reached Sonny's thighs, Rico looked for the donor site for the skin graft on the inner side of Sonny's left thigh. It was nearly invisible now. He could not resist. He leaned down and kissed it.

Sonny hummed in appreciation. Rico looked up at his face. His partner's eyes were closed but there was a relaxed smile on his face. Rico smiled and returned to the massage, adding little kisses now and then as he felt inclined. He noticed the growing bulge in Sonny's briefs.

He wondered if now might be the time to try and show Sonny that loving him could be gentle and safe and full of pleasure and not pain. Rico kissed Sonny's cock through the briefs. Sonny moaned.

Rico was going to take this very slow and very gently. He moved up to kiss Sonny's mouth. He tasted so good. He felt Sonny's hand on his neck urging him closer. Instead, he pulled back and looked at his partner's face. Sonny's pupils were dilated, taking up nearly the entirety of the iris. He saw love and trust, and a little bit of fear deep within them. "Sonny?" Rico questioned.

"I need you, Rico." Sonny swallowed. "Please." He trusted Rico with his life. He could trust him in this.

Rico nodded. "We're going to do this nice and slow. If you want me to stop at anytime, just say so. Okay?" Sonny nodded and pulled Rico back into another hot, sweet kiss.

His hands slowly caressed Sonny, moving slowly down his partner's body. He felt a tug on his shirt and sat up quickly to remove his shirt. A moment later his pants joined the pile of clothes on the floor. Sonny shifted as Rico slid his partner's briefs down his legs.

Rico moved back up to face Sonny. He saw the desire burning in his eyes. They kissed again. This time Sonny shifted a bit enjoying the sensation of their bodies touching. He reached down to touch Rico's cock but his hands were captured.

"Just relax and let me do this for you." Rico smiled and started placing small kisses along Sonny's jaw-line back to his ear and moved lower. He could feel Sonny's pulse quicken as he sucked on his neck.

His hands once again started caressing Sonny's chest, teasing the nipples. Reveling in the smooth skin, he felt the heat of their contact. They moved lower. Sonny was already so hard and Rico paused in his kisses to see that the tip of his partner's cock was already glistening with moisture. He looked to Sonny's face. His eyes were closed and his lips parted. He was almost panting.

Rico trailed his kisses lower. He carefully kissed each scar giving each special attention. Then he moved lower. When he reached Sonny's groin, he temporarily moved past it to his legs. Rico kissed each thigh and laved them with his tongue. Sonny was starting to moan and to writhe under him.

Deliberately, slowing things again, Rico moved down to Sonny's feet and kissed each toe. Finally, he took the big toe of Sonny's right foot into his mouth and caressed it with his tongue. His partner gasped and when Rico looked up he saw Sonny clutching at the sheets, his erection standing tall. Rico smiled. He was going to make Sonny so desperate for release that he would not have time to be scared or worried about anything else.

Ever so slowly, he sucked each toe in turn. By the time he reached the last toe, Rico had to hold tightly to Sonny's foot as his partner was shifting about too much.

"Rico...." Sonny finally managed.

"You still okay, Sonny?" Rico had started kissing Sonny's ankles and was moving upwards.

"God, Rico, I...." Sonny seemed to be having trouble putting his thoughts together. "Feels... incredible... aahh...." His voice trailed off into a soft moan as once again Rico reached his thighs.

Rico kissed and licked his way to Sonny's engorged cock. Delicately, he kissed the entire base of it and nuzzled Sonny's balls, ensuring the skin there was dry. As he did it, Rico raised his eyes to see Sonny push his head back into the pillows, eyes closed, mouth open. Smiling, Rico took one of the lovely balls into his mouth. Sonny bucked upwards, nearly dislodging his partner.

Now, Rico moved back up to Sonny's nipples. Sonny whimpered as the mouth left his groin. Rico reached up a gentle hand to stroke Sonny's cheek. "Not yet, Sonny. Not yet." Sonny moaned.

Rico now teased his partner's nipples, licking, nipping and sucking them. He felt Sonny's hands on his shoulders, but when he looked up Sonny had his eyes closed and was still moaning softly. Rico started kissing his way down his partner's body.

He felt as though he were broaching a high wall, the wall of Sonny's fears and Rico had decided to wear it down before the actual assault. As he approached Sonny's erection this time, he lightly trailed a finger from the tip to the base. It jumped as he touched it.

Oh, god, he was becoming painfully aware of his own arousal, but he forced himself to concentrate on Sonny. This time he was not going to do anything wrong because he got carried away. Gently, he stroked the glistening cock from tip to base and listened to his partner gasp loudly.

Rico moved a finger-pad over the tip and dipped gently into the hole there. A cry escaped Sonny's dry mouth. Rico used his tongue to lick the length of Sonny's cock. He desperately wanted to do for Sonny, what his partner had done for him. But he knew even now he was taking too much of a risk. They had to practice safe sex.

Reaching the base of Sonny's cock, he continued lower, he kissed Sonny's balls and moved onward. Using his hands to gently part Sonny's buttocks, he licked and kissed his way to the rear opening of his partner's body. He touched it lightly with his tongue.

Almost immediately, Sonny tensed. Rico froze. He looked up again at his partner's face and saw frightened green eyes watching him. Sonny was not ready for this. "Sonny, I'm sorry."

"I just.... I just keep remembering.... It's difficult to convince myself that it isn't going to hurt."

Rico moved up, until he was leaning over Sonny, propped onto one elbow, one arm still wrapped over the gorgeous, damp body next to him. "What can I do to make it easier?"

"I don't know." Sonny swallowed hard. "Does it always hurt?"

"Does what always hurt?"

"Being entered."

Rico shook his head. "It's often a bit uncomfortable at the start, if you're not completely ready."

Sonny touched Rico's lips with his own. Pulling back, he said, "You licked me...." Rico nodded. "It can't taste very... nice."

Rico laughed at that. Truth be known, the thought had always put him off, but somehow, with Sonny, he had just wanted to. He shrugged. "It's being intimate with you. I want to give you experiences no one else has ever given you."

"....I just get so nervous when you go to do it.... I'm sorry."

Rico shifted a bit, staying close to Sonny. "Why do you keep apologizing? After what you went through, Sonny, I still can't believe I'm here. You letting me *this* close is fantastic. It's amazing. I used to fantasize about making love to you. Then, after Cintaro, I wouldn't even allow myself to think about being close to you."

Sonny's face fell. "Did I disgust you that much?"

Quickly, Rico shook his head, "No, Sonny, I didn't mean.... I meant, after what I'd put you through, I didn't deserve to think about you. I disgusted myself."

Sonny touched Rico's face gently. "You were wonderful, staying with me, protecting me, holding me. You never asked anything from me, just gave me the time I needed to work it all out. You didn't leave me. I'm sorry I blamed you in the hospital, because I know it wasn't your fault - there was nothing you could have done."

Rico leaned forward and kissed Sonny deeply. "I want to show you that I can love you painlessly. But I can wait, for as long as it takes for you to be ready."

Sonny nodded. He seemed to consider something for a moment. Then he lifted his knee, bending his leg carefully as he lay on his side. "You okay?" Sonny nodded. He reached his hand down and back, and touched his own asshole, very carefully.

Rico did not take his gaze from Sonny's face, but he could see out of the corners of his eyes what his partner was doing. He smiled, encouragingly.

Sonny started to rub himself, gently pushing his finger-pad against the ring of muscle. It gave way slowly, allowing Sonny entrance to his own body. Now it was him doing it, and he had total control of how far he went, he found that he was not nervous, and it did not hurt.

Rico spoke quietly, not wanting to intrude on this moment. "How does it feel?"

"It doesn't hurt, it's.... It's exciting." Sonny pushed slightly harder, feeling himself relax. "But you're a lot bigger than my finger."

"Well, I'd use lube. I'd be very careful to make sure you were ready for me, that you'd open for me. And I could do something else." There was a glint in Rico's eyes.

"What?"

"Push your finger all the way in." Sonny did as he was told, slowly and carefully, still wary. "Now wiggle it." He did. His whole body shuddered as he touched his own prostate. "Ahhh... oh God! That's...."

"God's gift to men." Rico finished. He pressed his lips again to Sonny's. "Just think about me," he whispered, "sliding in and out of you, rubbing against that over and over, while I rub my hands up and down your cock, thrusting deep into you, pushing you towards an exploding orgasm...." As Rico spoke, he took hold of Sonny's growing cock and started to pump it in time with Sonny's own finger in his own ass.

A feral groan erupted from Sonny's throat. His head went back, his eyes closed. He moved his finger in and out of himself, feeling the slick channel, feeling his own muscles clamping, trying to expel him. Sonny opened his eyes and looked down at Rico's skilled hand on his cock. With a deep cry, he came. It was a hard and almost painful release.

It was fantastic.

 

After a long time, Sonny opened his eyes and smiled at Rico. "Jesus...." Rico grinned in reply. Sonny looked down at the mess he had made over his partner's hand and the sheets. "I've never..." He let the sentence trail off, unsure of what he was going to say. He had never felt anything like that before. Stimulation so intense it obliterated everything else. It was intensely sexual.

"I've been so nervous about it." Sonny finally admitted. "Not just about the memories returning, but about... being so intimate with a man - with *you*."

Rico nodded. "And now?"

"Now I want more."

Rico laughed, drawing Sonny close and kissing him. "There's a lot more. I'll show you everything, I promise."

**************************************************

"What do you say we have an early dinner and then go for a late stroll on the beach, Partner?"

Sonny looked up from packing. "Sounds good to me." He gave Rico a brief smile then went back to sorting his clothes into the two bags that were his. Rico watched Sonny. He knew that his partner was down about the end of their island vacation. By early tomorrow afternoon, they would be on a flight back to Miami. Hell, he did not want this time to end. It had been so wonderful being here at this secluded beach house with Sonny. Time for sun, relaxation and some fun with the man he simply could not get enough of. God, it was going to be tough going back to Miami.

Sonny still had at least another three weeks of sick leave and then a couple of months on restricted duty. Rico sighed. It wasn't going to be fun trying to keep Sonny from pushing too far, too fast. At least Castillo had insisted that Rico remain on leave until Sonny was back at work. Rico could keep an eye on him. Protect him.

De Vries haunted Rico's thoughts late at night. Luckily, Sonny hadn't remarked about Rico carrying his weapon while they were here on the island. He really did not want to explain about the threat and he no longer thought he would be able to lie to Sonny convincingly.

Rico threw one last item in his bag and zipped it. He glanced at his watch. Time to put dinner together, if they were going for an evening stroll.

 

"What did you call this again?" Sonny called from the dining room.

"Potpourri de poulet." Rico grinned as he put their few dishes into the washer.

"No." Sonny came into the kitchen using one crutch and carrying the glasses from the table. "The *other* name."

"Chicken Slop." Rico took the glasses from his partner. He shook his head. Sonny was not supposed to be hobbling around on one crutch, but no amount of chastising had any impact. Sonny wanted to get back into the swing of things and helping out was a part of that.

"I can't believe I just ate something called 'Chicken Slop,'" Sonny leaned against the counter, as Rico put the soap in the machine, "and *liked* it."

Rico started the washer and then led the way back to the dining room. "Look, it was something I learned from a friend. It requires minimum preparation and tastes pretty good." Handing Sonny his other crutch, he slung his backpack over his shoulder. "Ready for our walk?"

Sonny nodded, smiling, "I really didn't realize you were such a fluent cook." He read Rico's expression and wiggled a warning finger at him. "And if you mention the words 'night school', there will be trouble." Rico only laughed.

At the end of the walkway, Sonny just dropped his crutches to the sand as Rico moved next to him. Even after being here nearly two weeks, this was still a treat, walking in the surf with Rico. The sun was low on the horizon and would set shortly, but the moon was already up so there would be plenty of light to walk by.

They strolled to the edge of the surf and then along the edge of the foamy waves. They did not speak. It was not necessary. Their shared silence was comfortable. Besides, each knew that they were going to miss this special time on the island.

Rico felt Sonny adjust his arm around his waist. He had noticed over the last several days that Sonny was not leaning as much on him during these walks. He was moving with more strength and certainty now. The tropical sun had also restored much of the tan Rico loved so much.

Finally, as the sun was starting to set, Rico suggested they sit and enjoy it. He shook out a blanket from his backpack and they sat side by side watching the sun dip into the ocean.

"I'm gonna miss this."

Rico turned toward his partner. The moonlight was very bright. "We've got the ocean and sunsets back in Miami." He sighed. "But I know what you mean. It won't be the same."

"Well, at least when we get back," Sonny raised his right wrist and cast, "this will be coming off." He leaned back onto the blanket and looked at the stars above. He heard Rico rummaging in the backpack followed by the clink of glasses.

"To celebrate," Rico began, as Sonny sat up, "our last night here, I thought we might share a bottle of sparkling white grape juice." He popped the cork and poured as Sonny held the glasses.

Sonny smiled. Rico seemed to think of everything. "I'm sorry you're stuck with the non-alcoholic stuff, Partner."

"I don't need alcohol, Sonny. Just being here with you, being in love with you is intoxicating enough." Rico set the bottle in the sand and raised his glass. "To the future, to us and to being real." He smiled.

"To forever," Sonny clinked his glass against Rico's. They each drank the chilled sparkling liquid almost without being aware of what they were tasting. They were staring at one another.

The glasses were set to the side and forgotten as they kissed. It was a deep kiss that started out slow and sweet and became hot and demanding. They tasted each other, tongues challenging for entrance and being sucked on possessively in turn. Finally, they pulled apart gasping for air.

Sonny wanted more than just one kiss. He lay back and pulled Rico down with him on the blanket. As they started this new kiss, he let his hands roam to the buttons on Rico's shirt. He unbuttoned the top buttons and slid his left hand in to savor the feel of his partner's chest. Rico gasped as he touched a nipple.

Quickly the rest of his buttons were undone, while he did the same for Sonny's shirt. His partner's nipples were already hard when he exposed them. Breaking this second kiss, Rico leaned down and licked Sonny's nipples. He felt his partner shiver.

"Oh, God. Rico...." Sonny gasped. He shrugged out of his shirt and urged his partner to do the same. Rico did not pause as he freed himself of his shirt. He continued to lick and tease Sonny's nipples in turn as his hands wandered to the waistband on his partner's trousers. He glanced down and saw the straining material around Sonny's growing erection. Rico placed a gentle hand on the bulge. Sonny's hips moved at the contact.

He looked up to his love's face to see Sonny had his eyes closed and was breathing hard through his mouth. Smiling, Rico quickly undid the belt and unzipped the pants. Sonny shifted his weight to help slide them down. Rico was faced with Sonny's dark briefs. He placed a kiss on the tip of Sonny's cock through the material, feeling the wet spot there.

But remembering last time, Rico took a long deep breath and pulled up, face to face with Sonny. He trailed his finger down the side of his partner's face. Sonny opened his eyes.

"Sonny?"

"Don't stop, Rico."

"I need you to tell me exactly what you want," Rico stroked Sonny's cheek again. "I don't want to hurt you or scare you or disappoint you. Okay?"

Sonny swallowed hard. "I want you to show me how it should have been." He could feel his heart racing - partly in his arousal but also partly in fear. "How it can be...."

Rico could see the desire and the fear in his partner's eyes. "Only if you promise to tell me the moment you want or need me to stop."

"I'm not - " Sonny took a deep breath and started again. "I want this. I want you.... I need you. Please...."

"I love you, Sonny." He captured Sonny's hand and held to his chest over his heart. "We do this together." He pulled the fingers to his lips and kissed them.

"I love you." Sonny was watching him intently. "I *trust* you." Rico felt his throat constrict. Sonny loved and trusted him enough to want him to do it right, to make it loving and gentle. "Then we'll do it very slowly." He leaned in for another long kiss.

As Sonny relaxed fractionally, Rico let his hands start to roam. This kiss continued. His fingertips traced the smooth skin over the muscles of Sonny's chest. He could never get enough this man. Rico trailed his fingers over the scars on his partner's abdomen, feeling Sonny shudder and then squirm. Their lips finally parted as he smiled. He had almost forgotten how ticklish Sonny was.

Now, he moved his kisses along Sonny's jaw and up to his right ear. Using his tongue he traced the outer edge, then blew softly into the ear. Sonny gasped.

When Rico glanced down he saw that Sonny was clutching the beach towel. His breathing had quickened. His eyes were closed. He seemed lost to the sensations he was experiencing. Rico watched Sonny's hips rock in an effort to relieve the pressure on his still confined cock.

Turning back to the earlobe in front of him, Rico nibbled on it. His breath was blowing softly across it and behind it. His hands were traveling downward to Sonny's hips. With feather light touches he ran his hands along the edges of the waistband and over the growing bulge. The damp spot had gotten larger. Sonny whimpered and shuddered as Rico's fingers teased him through the material.

Rico captured Sonny's mouth again. Then he pulled back to really look at his partner. His eyes were closed and his wet lips parted. His breathing was ragged in his arousal.

Sonny shifted his hips again. Rico fingers moved to the edge of the waistband, causing his partner to rock his hips. Rico moved down on a level with Sonny's groin.

Slowly, he inched the dark cloth down. As skin was revealed, he kissed it. When the tip of Sonny's straining erection was revealed, he desperately wanted to lavish it with licks and kisses. But there was his safety to consider. Making a decision, Rico reached into the backpack and found one of the condoms he had thrown in there. Slowly, he unrolled it onto Sonny's straining cock. This is what he wanted. Ignoring the rubbery taste, Rico lowered his mouth over Sonny's cock, taking him in as far as he could manage.

"...aaahhhggg...." Sonny moaned and writhed delightfully. Rico quickly slid the briefs all the way down and off. Instead of returning immediately to Sonny's delicious erection, Rico decided to work his way slowly up.

He kissed Sonny's long, sexy toes and sucked on each of them. Rico was forced to hang on tightly to each foot as Sonny was moaning almost continuously and moving about on the towel.

Sonny's head was thrown back and his mouth open, when Rico looked up. He returned to his ministrations moving slowly up Sonny's legs. Rico felt his own erection pressing almost painfully in his trousers, but tried to ignore it for now.

He stroked Sonny's hips and buttocks as his kisses moved up the thighs.

"...gahhh.... Rico, please!..." Sonny was starting to sound desperate.

"Soon, Sonny." Rico soothed. "Soon." He continued to kiss, nip and lick along the sensitive inner thighs. Sonny had eagerly parted his legs, his knees partially raised.

Rico finally made his way to the base of Sonny's engorged cock. With a light fingertip, he stroked the length. It quivered and Sonny moaned loudly. He licked and sucked each ball thoroughly. Then kissed Sonny's erection. He moved back to the base and using his hands tilted Sonny's hips up.

Slowly, he kissed and licked his way to the entrance of Sonny's body. He flicked his tongue lightly over the bud. Sonny bucked wildly at the contact and cried out.

"Easy." Rico reassured him. "Easy." He gently stroked Sonny's hips.

"I... ah... I...." Sonny couldn't think clearly. "...want.... Please...."

"We'll do it, Sonny." Rico continued to soothe his hips and ass. "But not until I know you're ready."

First, Rico took the condom from Sonny's cock, he wanted skin against skin for this. Then he reached into the backpack next to him and quickly found the bottle of lubricant. When he turned back to Sonny, he saw his partner's darkened eyes watching him. Maintaining eye contact, Rico opened the bottle and dipped two fingers inside. He set it aside.

Rico's two oiled fingers slid along the crack of Sonny's buttocks. Sonny's eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip. Rico light brushed his fingers across Sonny's hole and immediately Sonny tensed.

"Sonny?"

"...'sokay.... Don't stop...." Sonny barely managed to gasp it out.

While one hand explored Sonny's ass, the other stroked his cock. Sonny moaned once again, nearly overwhelmed by the sensations. After a moment or two, Rico dipped his fingers in the lubricant once again. He circled Sonny's hole, teasing it with a gentle flick of a finger. This time Sonny did not tense. Instead he thrust himself toward the fingers.

"Slowly.... Slowly." Rico's experienced fingers continued to circle and to tease. "Very...." gently, he pushed a finger against the tight ring of muscle, "...slowly." It slipped in up to the first knuckle.

"Uuuhhh...."

Rico paused. He did not move the finger. He felt the tension in Sonny's body once more. Softly, with his free hand, Rico stroked his partner's hip. "Are you okay?"

A moment later, "Ahhh.... Yeah...." Sonny nodded. "I think so." He relaxed a bit. "It was... uncomfortable at first...." He rocked his hips slightly and gasped. "Please... I need... need more...."

Rico withdrew his finger fractionally and pushed it in farther this time. Sonny moaned. Again, he paused and waited for Sonny to settle. He pulled his finger almost entirely out and then pushed back in. This time Sonny met his push and Rico's finger went all the way in.

"Ahhh...." Sonny groaned.

Now, Rico started a counterpoint rhythm, between stroking Sonny's straining cock and finger-fucking his ass. Sonny was nearly incoherent, writhing and moaning.

Rico added a second finger and Sonny hardly seemed to notice. He enjoyed watching his partner in this uncontrolled state. He was sweating and moisture was dribbling steadily from his swollen cock.

Sonny was getting to close to release, and Rico did not want that to happen just yet. He stopped stroking the turgid cock, but added a third finger. Then he brushed against Sonny's prostate.

"Gahhh!!!!" Sonny nearly convulsed as he screamed.

Rico pulled back slowing down the motion of his hand.

"Rico... please.... I want...." Sonny was having difficulty organizing his thoughts. "I want to... to feel you... you inside me... ahh.... Please...."

"God, Sonny...." Rico slid his pants and briefs down together, kicking them away. He nearly cried out when his cock was freed. He reached a shaking hand into the backpack and quickly found the foil packet. "I have to get ready." Rico rolled the condom on and slathered more lubricant on it.

Sonny had managed to roll onto his stomach and when his throbbing cock came into contact with the towel he nearly sobbed. He was shuddering with anticipation.

Rico delighted in the feeling as the head of his cock slipped between the cheeks of Sonny's ass. He paused as the tip reached Sonny's hole.

"Rico... please... do it...." Sonny begged. He needed to feel his partner inside him.

With gentle pressure, Rico pushed against the bud. The sphincter muscles were much more relaxed now. But Rico knew he was big and he was *not* going to hurt Sonny by moving too quickly.

Sonny gasped and then tensed as the head of Rico's cock breached him. He stroked Sonny's back and hips. "Do you need me to stop?" It would be hell to do, but for Sonny he would do anything.

"Nooo.... Just give me... a minute or two...." It had hurt when Rico entered him, but it was nothing like the previous incident at the Dome. This was quickly becoming a pleasurable pain. God, his partner felt huge. And Sonny knew that Rico was barely in. He took a deep breath - completely aware of their physical connection.

He wanted all of his partner inside him. He started to push back onto Rico. "Now...."

When Rico felt Sonny start to push back toward him, he placed his hands on Sonny's hips to steady him. He thrust forward. Sonny was so tight and so warm. He pushed about half way in and stopped with some difficulty.

Sonny whimpered again. Rico rubbed his partner's back and buttocks. "Shhh...."

When Sonny had settled once again, he pulled back a bit and moved forward again. He could hardly believe it. He was making love to Sonny. Something he had dreamed of for so long. And after the Dome, he had been certain it would never happen.

His partner shoved back forcefully and suddenly he was in with his balls against Sonny's ass. He felt his partner shudder. Rico wrapped his arms around him.

"Oh, God, Rico." Sonny whispered. His eyes were closed tightly. "I never thought it would feel so good... so right...."

"Ready for more?" Rico prompted.

Sonny shivered with anticipation. "Yes."

Rico pulled out slowly. Then pushed back in, the friction nearly driving him mad. Sonny raised himself to meet the thrusts. He felt completely impaled by Rico, so vulnerable, so exposed. But at the same time, he had never felt safer or more loved. Why had they waited so long?

When Rico began his stroking of Sonny's swollen cock, all coherent thought left him. After only a few more thrusts in his ass and strokes of his cock, Sonny was dimly aware of someone yelling. It was his voice as he started to orgasm. Moments later, he felt Rico thrust deeply inside him and shudder. A great yell ripped from his throat.

A fleeting thought crossed his overloaded mind. What would it feel like to have Rico's cum squirting inside him.... But it passed as Rico resumed stroking Sonny's cock.

The last of his own orgasm passed and he collapsed onto the towel, not caring that it was damp with his own cum. Sonny felt Rico shuddered one last time inside him and settle forward. Gently, Rico rolled the two of them together to their sides. As he did, his now softened cock slipped from Sonny. Sonny felt the loss of their connection keenly.

Rico held his lover close. He placed a soft kiss on Sonny neck. "Are you okay?"

Sonny nodded. "That was... incredible. Mind blowing." He turned himself carefully in the circle of Rico's embrace. He ached a bit, his back and now his ass. But it was worth it. Never before had he experienced something like this. "I didn't want it to end - ever. Thank you." He leaned in to kiss his partner - his lover. It was sweet and gentle. He closed his eyes and nestled against Rico's warmth.

Rico listened to Sonny's breathing lengthen into sleep. After a few minutes, he disposed of the condoms, pulled out a small towel from the backpack and wiped himself and partner clean. Then he reached in for one more large towel to drape over them. He relaxed against Sonny. They would not be able to spend the night out here, not comfortable enough. But he could let his partner rest a bit before they walked back. Rico caught himself dozing. He glanced at Sonny, who was still sleeping soundly, wrapped around him. Well, he had better get up now. Otherwise he might just fall asleep out here. The ocean breeze was cooler now. He carefully sat up, arranged the cover over Sonny and looked for their clothes.

He dressed quickly and gathered the rest of the stuff into the backpack. Finally, he knelt beside Sonny. He looked so peaceful, so gorgeous. Rico would have loved not to have to wake his exhausted partner, but they needed to get back to the house. He stroked his lover's cheek and then kissed him.

Sonny stirred but did not waken. Rico leaned close to his ear. "Sonny." He placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle shake. "Sonny...."

"Hhhmmmm...." Sonny blinked at him. "What?..." He yawned.

"I'm sorry." Rico smiled, "But it's getting cooler and we'll both sleep better in a real bed."

Sonny still tired easily, and Rico had to help him dress. He was so exhausted he was barely coherent. When Sonny finally stood, he swayed dangerously on his feet. Rico held on tightly as they started the walk back.

By the time they reached the walkway, Sonny was more awake. He grinned when Rico handed him his crutches. "I don't think I'll ever look at a beach in quite the same way, ever again."

When they reached the house, they headed straight to the bedroom, but Sonny resisted going directly to bed. "I'll sleep better after a shower." He protested. "I've got sand all over me and I feel sticky." He yawned mightily.

Rico nodded. He felt the sand down his own back. "Let's shower together, then."

Sonny nodded. Too tired to argue about it, his partner was not fooling him. Rico wanted to make certain that he did not fall asleep in the shower and maybe fall and hurt himself.

The warm water felt good as it rinsed away the sand and sweat. Sonny had not gotten any sand into his cast, that was a blessing. He fiddled with the bag that covered and protected his right hand and cast. God, he would be so glad when the damned thing came off.

Sonny grabbed a washcloth and soap as he felt Rico start to shampoo his hair. When he set the washcloth aside, he heard, "Want me to scrub your back?"

"That would be great, but only if I get to return the favour."

Rico blinked in surprise. Sonny sounded awake now. "Sure." He proceeded to soap up Sonny's back, being very gentle.

When Rico finished, Sonny stood, holding onto the railings, and turned to let the spray rinse him. Rico felt his cock twitch at the sight of his partner, his lover. He was a mouth-watering sight.

"Why don't you move in front of me?" Sonny grinned to himself. "Let's slide the chair back a bit." The water had finally woken him up and he was ready for a little more play. He wondered if Rico had any idea of what Sonny really wanted to do.

Although he would have preferred to stay on his feet, Sonny knew it would be easier and safer, if he sat on the shower chair. But that did lend itself to some interesting possibilities. Rico helped him move the chair and watched him sit. He turned toward the spray of water and grabbed the shampoo.

Rico felt Sonny moving the cloth over his back. It was wonderful to doing even these simple things with his partner. He sighed as Sonny scrubbed his back. He had just started to rinse his hair as Sonny reached his waist. He gasped, taking in a mouthful of water, when Sonny's hand continued downward.

"You okay, Rico?" Sonny asked, almost, but not quite sounding innocent. He continued his exploration of the beautiful ass that was displayed before him. He had such a lovely view from the chair. He grinned. This was going to be fun. Rico spluttered and put out a hand to brace himself against the wall in front of him. His cock was rapidly hardening as Sonny's fingers explored his body. Fingers slick with soap were sliding down the crack and then teasing his anus. God. He had to grab the railing to steady himself. He just hoped that *he* would not fall and hurt himself.

Sonny heard Rico moan softly. He teased the bud with his fingertips then gently parting the cheeks in front of him started kissing his way down to Rico's anus. Rico shifted slightly. When Sonny reached the entrance to his partner's body, he touched his tongue to it. Rico groaned and tried to remain on his feet.

Sonny leaned forward, aware now that his own cock was stiffening. The water continued to fall over them. What he wanted to do was reach around with his other hand and stroke Rico's erection, but he suddenly realized that the bag over his cast would interfere. Just maybe....

He placed his hands on Rico's hips and rotated his unresisting partner's body. Now, Rico's lovely cock was right in front of Sonny. He ran a light finger down it. It bobbed and Rico's body quivered. Sonny looked up to see Rico was holding tightly to the railing and leaning against the wall, with his head thrown back.

Sonny kissed the very tip and smiled as Rico squirmed. Leaning forward he engulfed the head of Rico's engorged cock and teased it with his tongue. Rico moaned and thrust himself forward, deeper into his partner's mouth. Sonny took as much as he could in and then pulled back.

As he moved forward to take the throbbing erection into his mouth again, he reached around with his left hand and sought out Rico's asshole. Rico jerked and nearly lost his footing when Sonny pressed a wet finger to his sphincter. "Aahh...." He gasped. He had lost the power of coherent speech between the double assault of Sonny's mouth and his fingers.

Very carefully, Sonny continued to press his finger to the ring of muscle. As he finger started to slip inside, he pulled back along Rico's erection, lightly trailing his teeth along its length. With the water from the shower still cascading over them, it he could not see if Rico was leaking, but he could taste it. He wanted to taste even more.

Slowly, Sonny began to work his finger in and out of Rico's ass. When he felt the muscles begin to relax, he added a second finger and then a third. All the while, he continued to suck the lovely, throbbing cock of his partner into his mouth and then pull back either trailing his tongue along it or barely touching it with his teeth. He could feel the tension mounting in Rico's taut body.

Rico, his eyes closed, was moaning and whimpering, leaning heavily on the handrails. Sonny pulled back for a moment to take in the sight of his beautiful strong partner, completely at his mercy. Rico shuddered when Sonny released his mouth from the straining erection. He cried out at the loss, unconsciously thrusting himself toward Sonny.

Delicately, Sonny ducked a bit more and nuzzled Rico's balls. He tongued each one and then licked his way up Rico's straining cock. His partner was shuddering with every thrust of Sonny's fingers in his ass. When Sonny reached the tip, he paused and smiled wickedly.

As he engulfed Rico's cock, he plunged his fingers in deeply and rubbed on Rico's prostate. His partner gave a feral yell and jerked spasmodically. Sonny wrapped a steadying arm around him to keep him on his feet. He rubbed a second time on that intimate gland and suddenly his mouth was being filled with Rico's cum. His partner screamed in his release.

Sonny swallowed as much as he could, continuing to stimulate Rico's ass. Finally, after one last shudder, Sonny felt Rico start to slide down the wall. He guided him down as gently as possible.

After a few minutes, Rico opened his eyes and looked up at his partner. "God, Sonny," he whispered. "I thought I was supposed to be the experienced one here?" He could not help but smile at the rather smug look on his partner's face.

"Let's just say, I've got one hell of a tutor."

**************************************************

Rico woke suddenly. Sonny was no longer beside him. He was no longer in the room. Throwing the covers off, Rico padded into the lounge, feeling the cool night air against his nakedness. As he had expected, the patio doors were open and Sonny was sitting outside in the sand. As Rico approached, his partner did not move, simply said. "I couldn't sleep."

Rico knelt down behind his lover and wrapped his arms around him, burying his chin in the mass of soft, blond hair. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just a bit nervous about going back."

Rico squeezed him gently, truth be known, it had been so perfect out here, he too was uneasy about returning to Miami. "There's nothing to be nervous about."

Sonny turned, forcing Rico to let go. Rico sat down, curling his legs under him and leaning across his gorgeous partner.

"What's going to happen when things finally get back to normal?" Sonny's eyes were questioning. "What when we're back at work, all hours, day and night. Will we still have time for this?"

Rico touched Sonny's face, "This isn't going to go away, Sonny. It's not just something we're doing because there's nothing else to do at the moment." He shifted closer. "I'm hoping that we're still going to feel this when we're working, when we're back into the usual daily routine - or as usual as it gets."

Sonny leaned forward, pressing close to Rico, letting his forehead fall gently against his partner's. Quietly, Rico spoke.

"Do you remember, before all this happened, when we were sitting in the Ferrari and we arranged to eat together later?"

Sonny nodded. Rico felt the movement. "I said I'd cook for you 'cause I owed you one."

"When you said that, I was excited. I thought it may just be the start of something between us, something very special. And it was. That night something happened. I realized how special *you* were. I realized how much I loved you, and how empty my life would be without you. We've been given so much - your life, this time together, to sort out how we feel, and each other. I'm not saying that the next few months are going to be easy, because I'm sure they're not. But I know I'll be there with you, and for you." Sonny smiled.

"Just think about it, Sonny. Watching the sunset on the St.Vitus, walking along the beach at my place. I have sand too, you know."

Blindly, Sonny found Rico's lips and touched them with his own. The kiss was deep - Sonny loved feeling his partner's tongue exploring his mouth, loved the sensations of being so intimate. He reached his hands into Rico's hair. For along time they sat together, tasting each other, reassuring each other that whatever happened, they would still feel this between them.

Whatever happened.


End file.
